HELPING STRESSED DADS BALANCE WORK AND FATHERHOOD
Life Lessons Everywhere
Life lessons and observations from U8s football
Life Lessons Everywhere
I was watching my son's team compete in the Tandridge League U8s Trophy Final on Sunday, after a strong first half they ended up losing 6-3, which was a shame…
In hindsight there were some great life lessons to think about
Do what works, if passing the ball worked in the first half, keep doing it - stay consistent.
Stay aware of what's happening around you, sometimes you need to slow down, keep possession (of your thoughts) and look for the pass (opportunity.)
Making life easier for yourself and 'your team' is so important, it's easier the keep the ball then chase and have to win it back again.
When there's a good option to pass, take the pass, don't always try and score by yourself.
If you try and to do it all yourself people stop making themselves available for you, if you ignore the teammate running into space to create an easy 1 2 1, then maybe next time they might not make the run.
T.E.A.M. = Together Everyone Achieves More.
What life lesson did you notice this week?
"Helping Stressed Dads Balance Work and Fatherhood"
I believe that the transition from 'lad to dad', especially the first time round, is the most important and fundamental change any man will face, but it's a transition that leaves many really struggling.
Whereas mums, carrying a baby, are intimately connected to the process of getting ready to be a parent, dads tell me again and again that they only "became a father" when their baby is born.
Birth itself can be sudden and traumatic for everyone involved and this just piles the pressure and stress on, no wonder dads experience depression and mental health challenges.
BTW if you have any doubts you need to read Elliott Rae's PTSD story
Let's talk about dads, let's talk about the pressures and the support that is available, and most importantly let's normalise dads at the heart of the conversation about parenting, because equality at home is fundamentally linked to equality in the workplace.
Research call
WOMBA and Hult International Business School are collaborating to conduct a research study exploring how working parents experience the transition to parenthood in an organizational context. As part of this project, we are inviting working parents (mums and dads) to take part in an interview to share their experiences.
They want to interview:
Working fathers - professional men who have taken shared or enhanced paternity leave within the past two years.
If that sounds like something you could help with please contact
alison@wombagroup.com
Photo Credit Daniel Norin via Unsplash @danielnorin
The New Balance Of Work And Fatherhood Post Covid
Writing for Thriving Talent, I have a look at what dads want, the impact of Covid-19 on both men and women and look at why championing dads at work really does matter in 2021.
The New Balance Of Work And Fatherhood Post Covid
Happy Father's Day!
I've written a call to arms piece for Thriving Talent called 'The New Balance Of Work And Fatherhood Post Covid.'
I have a look at what dads want, the impact of Covid-19 on both men and women and look at why championing dads at work really does matter in 2021.
I talk well-being, equality at home and in the workplace and finish with 5 steps businesses need to take this year.
“Not only that, dads report improved mental health and better relationships with their families. The Fatherhood Institute Report – Lockdown Dads the Untold Story found that 65% of ‘partnered’ fathers “reported better father-child relationship following lockdown, rising to 73% among those who were full-time at home.”
As The Guardian reports, Dads have realised what they have been missing out on:
"If he’d been working his usual hours, he would have missed his son’s first giggle already. “That stopped me in my tracks,” he says. “I want these initial things. I want to see his first steps. I want his first words.”
It makes sense that happier dads will perform better at work and have better mental health, but supporting dads is also a route to gender equality.”
Photo Credit Bermix Studio v Unsplash @bermixstudio
The Revolution? Hybrid Working And The Productivity Challenge.
In 2019, former Naval Officer, James Edmondson, wrote a piece for The Homeworker magazine about working from home called Joining The Revolution. I went back to speak to him in 2021.
The Revolution? Hybrid working and the Productivity Challenge.
In 2019, former naval officer, James Edmondson, wrote a piece for The Homeworker magazine, a publication dedicated to “helping you thrive and achieve a happier, healthier, more productive lifestyle when you work from home.”
It was called:
“Joining the Revolution”
It was a frank piece about his worry and stress about how "working from home” was perceived and his own personal bias from a 20 year career in the Royal Navy:
“The concept of working from home was alien to me; in my mind it was something writers or artists might do”
The anxiety about what other people might think is beautifully illustrated by the sense of over compensating
“To over compensate for this and the overall feeling that I was ‘working from home’, I started sending people in the office pointless emails and Lync messages.
In my mind, the conversations would go like this: “Where’s James?” “Oh, he’s working from home today, but I saw that he’d logged on at 8 am and I’ve already seen a bunch of emails from him.” “Great, so he’s actually working.” “
A sense of relief to have survived “Working. From. Home”
“The feeling of utter relief when the clock struck 5 was palpable; I had made it through the day without anyone phoning up asking me where I was or why I wasn’t at my desk. It was relief that I hadn’t been accused of: “Working. From. Home”.”
Anxiety, productivity and foresight
“I hadn’t enjoyed the experience one bit, and in fact the chronic low-level anxiety that resided inside of me throughout the day was awful. Yet, I had been incredibly productive, completing some important work, work that had I had been in my office would probably have taken me three or four days to do.
Having the option to work from home in a flexible manner that allows a workforce to fit work around their busy lives is a game-changer and something I believe the working world must embrace as widely as possible.”
You can access the full interview here in issue 5, “2020 Vision” https://www.thehomeworker.com/back-issues
James reflects on home working in a pandemic
Now in early 2021, I went back to James and asked him how things had changed.
Not ideal
“Since writing my article for The Homeworker at the end of 2019, Covid-19 and the move to a larger house has shifted my perspectives again on working from home. The pandemic forced many of us to work from home almost overnight. The anxiety that I used to feel about working from home now seems absurd. Working from home now feels completely normal, though, in its current format, not ideal.
The Positives
For me the positives about working from home remain unchanged from my original article. The lack of commute, more family time, more time to spend focused on deep work and lots of money saved on not buying coffee are brilliant aspects to this way of working. The only big difference for me is around productivity.
Challenges around productivity and interaction
I am very conscious of those missed spontaneous and chance interactions that I would have in the office. Those touch points generated so many ideas, fostered collaboration and ultimately drove my productivity. Forced to work almost exclusively from home I get too much time to myself. Zoom calls are not the same, they are not chance encounters or spontaneous. It is this that I believe is the hidden cost around productivity.
Mental health issues
Culturally, my organisation is beginning to observe worrying second and third order affects of the changed way of working. Many of my colleagues are struggling through lack of contact and support that the office environment fostered. Whilst out in the field, we are seeing people taking time off work through mental health issues. They often cite the lack of contact from managers as the principal cause of their problem.
Optimism for a hybrid future
I am, however, optimistic for the future. For those of us who can work either from home or the office I expect our working practices to adopt a hybrid model. I can see me rarely having 5 days in office in a row. Instead, I expect I will work 2 days in the office, 2 days at home and 1 day out and about visiting / talking to people. From a work perspective that would be an excellent outcome to this dreadful crisis.”
What can we learn from James’ experience?
Covid-19 has been tough on parents, with the burden of domestic and childcare responsibilities falling more heavily on mums but with research from the Office for National Statistics finding that the number of hours men were spending on childcare increased by an average of 58% during the first lockdown. While Daddilife found a post-lockdown desire to be more heavily involved at home with more quality family time (32%) first, followed by more flexible (25%) and remote (19%) working.
One of the obvious upsides to the pandemic has been a cultural shift around perceptions about men who work flexibly and remotely. Not only the perceptions and understanding of those who do it, but also men’s own perception and sense of job risk for not being anything other than fully committed to work.
Without doubt, pandemic work patterns have not been ideal, but the benefits that men like James have experienced, point to a brighter future with more choice as to how and where to work and less stigma attached to men who seek to create better balance for themselves and their families and to be the active and involved fathers they may not remember growing up.
de-gendering and de-stigmatising
Finally some important words from Molly Johnson-Jones, at Flexa Careers interviewed in The Homeworker Blog
The past year has also shifted attitudes towards flexible working. With more men experiencing flexible working, the term has become “less gendered” according to . “Men now want flexible working almost as much as women (68% vs 74%) and are just as likely to ask for it as women (55% would ask for flexible working).
“In addition, some of the stigma around flexible working has started to shift. It’s no longer seen as ‘shirking from home’, or at least not by the majority of the population. By simultaneously de-gendering and de-stigmatising the term ‘flexible work’ we remove the negative connotations of women in the workplace – that we are less committed or productive because of our circumstances.”
“Men now want flexible working almost as much as women”
In conversation with Coldplay's Will Champion
The musician who doesn’t read music, the drummer who didn’t play the drums and a calming, pragmatic influence in Coldplay.
Champion of the World
The musician who doesn’t read music, the drummer who didn’t play the drums and a calming, pragmatic influence in Coldplay. In this episode of Lockdown Dads, we discover how a focus on their relationships has been as important as the music, what work life balance means in a band when you have kids and what Will is looking forward to most when lockdown finishes.
Self described (with tongue in cheek) “soft rock dinosaur,” we find out how Will feels about the A Head Full of Dreams documentary - the good, the cringe-worthy and the comforting.
We explore how the pandemic has been for the band, for his family and sadness he feels for artists on the cusp of success - with momentum pulled from under them.
Will talks openly about family, fatherhood and masculinity - the similarities between his role as a dad at home and his role in his second family where fortunately no one is a frustrated frontman!
Luck, personalities, hard work and a focus on relationships and above all else being grateful.
Contents
01:00 Definitely an air of optimism, a bit of light at the end of the tunnel for my kids.
01:50 Not touring with the last album turned out to be almost clairvoyant…
“We've managed to find a few moments to kind of play together and to record together, which has been brilliant. And so we're just sort of planning the next move really.”
02:45 We're lucky because we can afford to wait and we can we can choose the right time to do it for us
“I just feel so sorry for so many people, because momentum is a hard thing to kind of conjure up. And when you have it as a band or an artist or in any walk of life it's really good to try and grab it when you can. For so many people, that opportunity has been ripped away. So I think we're very lucky in this situation that we're in.”
04:00 Ian looking forward to the end of home school and binge watch Marvel films for the first time.
06:20 James - great weather, but an irritating Joe Wicks injury!
08:00 Will’s working dad status - father of three and freelancer
08:56 Olga Fitzroy is like Bruce Wayne. (Read more about her Parental Pay Equality campaign)
“Extraordinary sound engineer and producer by day and a politician and campaigner by night… she's brilliant.”
09:50 Children, touring and balancing family life with work.
“On the most recent tour we did in 2016, the Head Full of Dreams tour, I think the longest I was away from my kids and my wife at any one time, it was about two weeks. it takes a lot of planning and it takes a lot of organization, but ultimately it's what keeps us happy and what keeps us able to commit and to really throw ourselves into the music.”
12:40 Being in a band is like being in a family.
“We realised early on was that in order to make sure that we were going to stay together, for the band to be healthy, we had to concentrate as much on us or the interpersonal relationships as we do on our music.”
Chemistry between band mates is the most prized possession that you have…
15:15 Too busy for boxsets, books and learning new languages
17:00 We talk about the A Head Full of Dreams documentary
“I think it's a lovely thing for people who like our music and like our band… what's amazing is to be able to see that the core, that was there at the beginning is still there. And I think that's the most important thing for me from that film is that I can just see the same people and the same friendship at the core of it.”
20:00 The secret to Coldplay longevity - dynamics, personalities, friendships and a bit of luck.
“I also think that quite often in bands, you get…. more than one person who wants to be at the front and in our band, that's absolutely not the case. We have three people who definitely don't want to be at the front, and one person who's really good at being at the front.”
23:30 Will’s lack of previous drumming experience - could Ian have been in Coldplay?
"I went to audition to get drum lessons and they said no, we can't teach you..."
25:30 It’s been tough for Will’s kids, especially his eldest.
27:30 Making memories and making the best of Lockdown - The Quarantine Bar at 5pm on a Friday.
30:45 Studio time, being productive and Brian Eno’s advice
32:30 Weekly zoom calls and very intense, but very productive 2 week slots of time.
33:15 Multiple masculinities - Will’s role as a dad v his role in the band
“I feel like my role in the band is quite a similar one to my role in my family. which is convenient”
“I suspect it makes for possibly… not the most exciting member of the band, but an important one, nonetheless.”
36:30 Ambition, competition and balance
“It's a lovely feeling to be part of a team that really works.”
38:45 What are we going to do first, when we’re allowed - Will visiting his dad plus
“Just going out for some food, I've had enough of my own cooking. I think I'd love for someone else to make me dinner.”
40:40
This week’s bumper selection of tips
Make a playlist, include The Scientist
“Nobody said it would be easy, but nobody said it would be this hard”
and some The Blue Nile plus watch out for James’ appearance on Steve Wright’s Golden Oldies on the 8th March.
For International Women’s Day read Annie Lennox’s piece on Feminism and dialogue with men
It’s Energy Switch time
Challenge yourself musically
Previously Will learnt Blackbird and during this lockdown has been learning to play Nimrod by Edward Elgar on the piano
Listen to podcasts
“I've been inspired by my wife who's been voraciously devouring podcasts, and I've never really got into podcasts until recently. And there were so many brilliant things that you can listen to now, things that are extremely niche and some that are very broad. So listen to more podcasts.”
———————————————
More reading and links
Annie Lennox (subscribe to read)
James’ review of previous guest Martin Robinson’s New Book
RIP George and Paul x
Special request
If you’ve enjoyed this content please consider making a donation to 2 Wish Upon A Star, a charity very close to the hearts of both Will and I.
Founded by Rhian Mannings, OBE and Pride of Britain award winner, in memory of her one year old son and husband who died within a week of each other in 2012.
2 Wish Upon A Star provides immediate and ongoing bereavement support for families, individuals and professionals affected by the sudden and traumatic death of a child or young adult aged 25 or under.
Thank you
Ian
Will dads continue to engage with flexible working post-Covid 19?
In this 2 parter for Parent and Professional I look at working dads and flexible working post Covid 19.
Will Dads Continue to engage with flexible working post-covid-19?
In this 2 parter written for Parent and Professional I look at working dads and flexible working post Covid 19.
I start with “why does “business” need dads to continue to be engaged in flexible working?”, considering the gender pay gap and mental health.
Then I get onto meaty topics such as
How do dads engage with flexible working?
What do men want?
What gets in the way of dads’ accessing flexible working?
What can we do to support dads’ access to flexible working?
5 key long-term steps to support flexible working for dads
You can Read the articles here:
Photo credit - Jonas Kakaroto @jkakaroto on Unsplash
Ian Dinwiddy, Founder
Recent content
Blog Categories
Archive
- June 2025
- March 2025
- October 2024
- April 2024
- March 2024
- January 2024
- September 2023
- May 2023
- April 2023
- December 2022
- June 2022
- January 2022
- September 2021
- August 2021
- July 2021
- June 2021
- April 2021
- March 2021
- February 2021
- January 2021
- December 2020
- November 2020
- October 2020
- September 2020
- August 2020
- July 2020
- June 2020
- May 2020
- April 2020
- March 2020
- February 2020
- December 2019
- November 2019
- October 2019
- July 2019
- June 2019
- April 2019
- March 2019
- February 2019
- January 2019
- December 2018
- November 2018
- October 2018
- September 2018
- August 2018
- July 2018
- March 2018
- June 2017
A new generation of dads wants be an active and involved parent and thrive at work - and this represents a major opportunity for families, the workplace and society.