Coaching Case Study - Success, Guilt and Socialising
Context
Andy is an Consultant in the Financial Services sector who had recently been promoted. The family had navigated a challenging birth and his daughter was 10 weeks old when we started working together. Andy took 4 weeks' paternity leave at birth, with a further 4 weeks of Shared Parental Leave planned for mid-2026.
Challenges — Before Coaching
Andy admitted that he enjoyed being busy, he had always liked the buzz of firefighting for his clients and recognised a long standing tendency to overwork and a difficulty saying no.
He wanted to maintain his career trajectory but couldn't see how that was compatible with being the present, involved, dad he also wanted to be.
In short, what did he want?
Good rhythm and balance between his responsibilities, coupled with clearer boundaries.
Perhaps to “Have It All”
In his own words:
"It feels like I'm trying to stay just about afloat at work and looking after a baby, whereas at some point I would like to feel like I'm thriving at both — if that is possible."
The Coaching Journey — 3 Sessions Over ~4 Months
The three sessions tracked Andy's experience in real time as his daughter grew from 10 weeks to nearly 6 months old, and as SPL approached.
Session 1 (Early Feb)
This session focused on unpacking what "success" actually looked like for Andy, not just at work, but that feeling we’re all striving for at the end of a day as a father. We worked together to identify what his "perfect day and week" could look like and began to reframe what satisfaction could mean in this new current chapter of the Dad journey.
Session 2 (Early March)
We explored some developing tension between self-care and guilt. Andy’s wife was worried about potential burnout for Andy, and was encouraging him to go running, which he knew he both enjoyed and needed, but, he was wracked with potential guilt about missing bedtime, especially if their daughter was being difficult.
Despite his wife’s permission, Andy was struggling to give himself permission.
This mindset was complicated because, unlike his wife, who lost money if she didn’t attend her classes, Andy had no such financial jeopardy to sharpen his mind.
We worked together to help see the pitfalls of inaction more clearly.
The significant break through came with this realisation:
By not taking his time to exercise, not only was he missing out on the chance to “put his own oxygen mask on” he was inadvertently transferring his guilt to his wife… now she was feeling guilty for her own exercise opportunities and a perceived lack of fairness.
It became obvious to Andy that the right thing for everyone’s mental health was to take the opportunity on offer to exercise.
Session 3 (Early May)
At the start of each coaching session I ask what has gone well since we last spoke and was delighted to discover that regular evening running sessions were embedded in the family schedule!
This session addressed a subtler but significant theme — social disconnection and identity. Andy was missing the spontaneity of his pre-baby life (after-work drinks, impulsive socialising) and experiencing low mood at weekends. He talked about the grind of work, baby, sleep and repeat.
Andy saw socialising as one sided within their marriage – his wife’s antenatal and yoga friends meet ups v his lack of social opportunities.
We explored what he wanted to achieve and compared it with what his wife was able to do. The key insight was that his wife’s socialising was with baby in tow (as much caregiving as socialising) and wasn’t likely to be perceived to be the same quality as Andy’s desire for solo socialising.
Using the successive model around exercise, we worked on a plan and draft schedule to introduce regular, quality, solo socialising opportunities for each parent and unpicked plans for Shared Parental Leave – identifying that quality couple time supported by grandparents’ caring hadn’t been neglected.
We even looked ahead to working patterns in October to pressure test whether the current proposal was likely to still work when both parents were back at work.
Outcomes After Coaching
Q. What impact has the coaching had on your personal life?
"Has certainly helped me feel more empowered having reassurance that my concerns with new parenthood are normal. Helped me foster a better balance... Helped me work through any issues rationally and put in place new processes."
Q. How has the coaching impacted your performance at work?
“Probably hasn’t had a direct impact on performance as don’t think this has slipped since having a baby. But it has definitely helped me put in place processes to ensure work/life stays on track, so probably more preventative.”
On the value of external coaching:
"Real value in having someone unconnected to my employer. Could speak openly and honestly."
And on what he'd recommend to his organisation:
"Really valuable benefit that has helped me adjust to work/life with a baby. More sessions — 3 was enough to help through the first 6 months, but continuing with quarterly check-ins would be beneficial."
Ian’s top tips
Feeling like the early months with babies is a grind, is normal, as is ‘grieving’ for a past life, especially if times are challenging.
Both of these can be true…
1) The partner at home resentful of the domestic boredom, jealous about opportunities to go out to work AND at the same time
2) A working partner could easily feel jealous about missing out on the opportunities to care and connect.
✅ Talking openly about desires and concerns is so important, as is thinking of the possible.
✅ Planning and scheduling isn’t sexy, but most couples will benefit from it.
✅ Always think about fairness, putting yourself in other people's shoes.