How to... Avoid Covid-19 Marriage Breakdown

How to… Avoid Covid-19 Marriage Breakdown

Stressed dads need support to face the realities of managing work and fatherhood commitments. 

Just because this is my coaching niche it doesn’t mean I’ve got it all sorted, far from it. I’m struggling with when to work, how to schedule things, expectation management - especially my own expectations about what is possible. 

More than ever, being present in the moment is important, setting aside time with the kids and time to work. Focusing as much as possible on one thing at a time.

If you’re new to the working from home thing I'd definitely suggest wisely using the time you would have spent commuting. 

** My top tip is making sure domestic responsibilities are shared fairly.

Making sure you have open lines of communication with your partner and that everyone's needs are met is one really important way to survive the practical and emotional challenges that prolonged periods of time at home are bringing.

It's not going to be easy, but the harsh truth is that if you always defined your worth by the income you provided you might need to redefine your role in a much broader way. 

With kids at home, we men can't just shut the door and retreat into our work bubble.

It's literally all hands on deck. For men, the sheer amount of mental and physical energy required for a household to function might come as a shock, especially if you tend to leave that stuff to your partner. It's called mental load and you're going to get a much better sense of it in the next few months.

It's time to step up, roll up your sleeves and get stuck in.

Of course you could ignore this challenge and become a viral sensation on Mumsnet...

"I am currently working from home (no shock there), whilst my DH is at home since his place of work is closed. He is off on full pay for the time being and I'm very aware of how lucky we are compared to many people in these circumstances.

However, I'm just about losing the plot with him. I thought a fair compromise would be for him to do the normal housework, meals etc. Whilst also fitting in some of the jobs we never seem to get time to do when both working. As it turns out it is a struggle to get him to even do the basics. I'm not expecting the world to be moving here, but I am becoming so very resentful working full days in a stressful job whilst he lazes about on the sofa doing little more than the bare minimum."

In case the prospect of reading Mumsnet scares you, here's some responses

"Lazy shit. I'm sick and tired of men like this."

"He sounds like a tosser! Useless bastard!" 

"Another woman married to a lazy, entitled manchild. So many of these. Honestly, I hope a lot of such women wise up and divorce these sexist bastards after all this over, at least on your own you have only your own mess to clean up."

"I've had pretty much the same from DP, he has done more around the house but not as much as I'd hope, but so far he's spent the majority of his time asleep or on the Xbox." 

And the kicker...

"He sees you as a bangmaid. You are there to pick up after him, make him food and have sex with him."

Now more than ever, life is tough

The challenge of balancing work and fatherhood has been cranked up to 11. Some relationships definitely won't survive.

James Millar, writing in Workingdads.co.uk talks about how it is up to us men

“To be the best partners, parents, educators and… employers and employees we can be.”

Embrace the new normal and accept that “Good enough is good enough”

If your marriage is going to make it, you might need to be doing something different. Improving your communication and sharing domestic physical and emotional labour will help you.

Need some help to get it right and talk through the problem you have?