"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
It's as relevant now working with stressed and worried dads as it was in 2008 when I stumbled across this quote while looking for inspiration for my speech at our wedding.
Too often I find that men try and forge their own path in life, head down, redoubling their efforts and being "all in."
Communication really matters
A big part of my coaching approach is to encourage men to communicate with themselves - understanding what they truly want and need from life, their values and true calling.
Then to take that knowledge to communicate with those close to them, to build a shared purpose and direction. To understand fully how to ensure that everyone's needs are met. That's the true path to contentment and satisfaction.
A mum at the school gate once quipped (about a man taking a time off).
"Ian will like that, he's all for dads staying at home."
Of course (!) I re-educated her, it's about equality of choice and making it work for individuals and their families.
It's a complicated picture of cultural and financial pressures but without doubt open and honest communication is the bedrock of helping men to be great dads and have great careers
Family Goals
"One of us will always be there for the kids" was our first family goal and underpins everything do we as a couple.
It was true in 2010 when our daughter was born, as it was true last week when I did the school drop off, went into London to deliver a face to face coaching session on behalf The Talent Keeper Specialists and back home for pick up and later on a school concert.
replace Your stress with Shared purpose
It's tough for new dads, feeling the pressure of work and family - trying to be present and not to let anyone down.
This is what you need to do….
1) You need to list out all the things
You want to “Be”
You want to “Do”
You want to “Have”
2) Choose YOUR top 5.
3) Now you need to share this with your partner
They need go through the same process of listing out their Be, Do, Have.
4) Talk about your lists.
What is the same?
What is different?
How will you achieve it?
Congratulations, this is a massive jump forward in replacing your worries with a shared purpose!
Need to my help to achieve this? Check out my 1 2 1 Coaching
This blog post walks you through 5 common practical impacts of fatherhood and gives you tips to navigate your way.