Does Fatherhood Deserve To Be Put On A Pedestal?

Earlier this week I asked a simple question on LinkedIn:

"Do you think dads get praised too easily for doing the basics of parenting?"

It's not a new debate. A few years ago, a tweet from The Feminist Barrister went viral with a version of the same argument:

"Men who do half of the household chores, take care of the baby, pay their way, do emotional labour, are not special, they don't deserve a pat on the back, it should be normal."

She had a point. In a world of persistent gender inequalities at home and at work, the idea of eulogising dads for doing the very same things that pass as unremarkable when mums do them, can feel perverse, if not outright disrespectful.

But the word that caught my eye was should.

It should be normal. That's the crux of it. And I think there's a lot of merit in exploring why it isn't, and what we need to do to get there.

The gap between what dads think and what's actually happening

Let's start with the data, because it's striking.

Recent research from Parenting Out Loud and YouGov - a survey of more than 9,400 UK adults published in April 2026, found that 49% of dads think parenting is equal at home. Just 21% of mums agree.

That's not a small gap in perception!

And the consequences are real: 53% of mothers say their careers have been negatively impacted by parenting responsibilities. For dads? 13%.

Here's what makes that data even more interesting: 74% of dads say they want to spend more time with their children, they want to solve the challenge of “how to be a great dad, without scarificing a great career.”

The intention is there, but the frameworks aren't keeping pace.

This is the crucial distinction. The "fatherhood on a pedestal" debate often gets framed as a personal failing: dads doing too little, or expecting praise for mediocrity.

But the data consistently tells a more complicated story. The gap between what dads want and what they actually do isn't just about individual choices. It's about a system that was designed, long before most of us had any say in it, to tell dads to provide and mums to care.

The system problem

Two weeks. That's what statutory paternity leave amounts to in the UK. Compare that to up to a year of maternity leave, and you can see the architecture of early parenthood is largely set before the baby arrives, and it defaults to mum.

April 2026 brought a meaningful, if partial, step forward. Under the Employment Rights Act 2025, paternity leave is now a day-one right, removing the previous 26-week service requirement. That matters for access. But it doesn't touch duration. It doesn't touch pay. It doesn't change the fundamental signal that two weeks sends to a new father: you are optional.

And when dads do try to push back against that signal, they face real workplace barriers.

Research from Working Families found that 50% of working fathers feel nervous asking their employer for flexibility or time off for childcare. 28% worry it would make them look less committed. 22% worry about career progression.

The workplace is still sending a message: providing is your job. Caring is hers. That narrative isn’t fit for the majority of heterosexual relationships, let alone single gender ones.

This isn't about individual dads being lazy or complacent. It's about a system that structurally constrains their choices, and then, sometimes, expects gratitude when they navigate it anyway.

So should we celebrate involved dads, or not?

I'll come right out with it: yes, I think we should, at least under certain circumstances. And I want to be specific about where and why.

At home, no, I don't think we should be handing out participation medals for shared domestic labour. The Feminist Barrister is right: it should be normal. Treating equal parenting as remarkable inside the home risks entrenching the very imbalance we're trying to dismantle. It tells mums that doing everything is expected; it tells dads that doing half is exceptional. Neither message is helpful and it doesn’t even begin to touch the unseen labour of The Mental Load.

But at work? Absolutely.

Workplaces need to actively celebrate and visibly support involved fatherhood — not because dads deserve a trophy, but because the signal matters enormously.

Research from the Behavioural Insights Team found that simply telling men their peers support parental leave and flexible working increases their intention to share care.

Visibility drives changes in behaviour and culture change requires role models, if that requires the elevation of fatherhood “heroes,” then personally i can live with that!

The two-speed workplace

There's a structural reason this all matters beyond individual families.

When fear, expectation, or financial pressure prevents dads from taking extended parental leave or working flexibly, it reinforces the idea that caring responsibilities belong to women. And that, over time, creates a two-speed race at work, where some people are running with very different hurdles.

The mother who takes a year of leave and returns to find her role has shifted. The father who never took leave, stayed visible, stayed promotable. Neither of them chose this consciously. They were both responding to the incentives and signals around them.

That's what makes the framing of "dads doing the bare minimum" incomplete. It focuses on individual behaviour and misses the structural conditions that produce it. When we change those conditions, through policy, through workplace culture, through what we visibly celebrate, behaviour can follow.

Elliott Rae, founder of Parenting Out Loud, put it well:

"Dads want to be equal parents today more than ever before. But the blame is on the syste, one that tells dads to provide and mums to care, rather than supporting the family to share the care in a way that works for them."

What 'normal' actually requires

Normal doesn't just happen. It gets built — through policy, through workplace culture, through what we choose to make visible and what we leave in the shadows.

Sharing the second shift and the mental load equally isn't the current default. Research shows that in heterosexual relationships, the cognitive and emotional labour of running a household and raising children still falls disproportionately on women, the invisible work of remembering, planning, anticipating, coordinating.

Doing half the tasks isn't the same as sharing the mental load.

Getting to genuine equality requires employers and policymakers to use every lever available: equalised parental leave as an enabler of culture change; visible senior role models taking extended leave; flexible working that doesn't quietly penalise the people who use it; and active, intentional support for new dads through the transition into parenthood, not just a two-week handshake and a good luck.

How well does your organisation really support new parents?

Most employer have gaps in their parental support, but it's not always clear where those gaps are. Take the 2-minute scorecard and get a personalised action plan to fix them.