It’s Never “Just” Money

It’s Never “Just” Money

Yesterday I had a great free work life balance stress buster call with "Jim"

Like you he was looking answers to the challenge of Being a Great Dad and Having a Great Career....

I'm not going to embarrass myself and pretend to know what the answer will be for Jim or for you.

But what I do know is that with the right process and the right support, you absolutely can work out your own path. A path that works for you and your family.

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Jim works away from home during the week and has done for most of his working life, the money is good and his wife has a good job too, but he's been struggling with work life balance for the 6 years since his first child was born.

He changed jobs a few years ago, but found that losing out on the creative buzz of the old role was too much to bear.

Now at a bit of a cross roads he booked his free call

I asked him to describe how he wants to feel in 6 months time, when life is how he wants it...

✅ Happy

✅ In the zone

✅ Supportive of others

✅ Sleeping more than 6 hours a night

✅ Feeling strong

But right now he told me

"I don't want to be the Dad who isn't there"

"I don't want to have a life of regret"

"I find I don't laugh as much"

The great thing for Jim, is that he and his wife do talk about how he feels. They've had the type of honest conversations that are so important if you are going to make progress. But Jim admitted to "toning down the volume" on just how unhappy he is.

It's often easier to do that isn't it. Put on a brave face and get your head down.

Then we talked about money.

Money is never just about the pounds and pence. It's loaded with value and meaning. How much you need, how much to spend on your kids. How much you had when you were growing up. How and when you reward yourself. The life you want to give your family. The life you see other people giving their families. Your relationship with borrowing and debt.

Truth is that Jim can afford not to earn as much as he does....

But what would his kids think if the nice holidays aren't as nice?
What would his in laws think if he didn't "make it"?

However, he's spending hundreds of pounds every month on a Nanny to have "quality time with my kids."

It's never just "money"

✅ and that's why being honest with yourself and honest with your partner is so important .

If you need some extra help, someone to listen while you unload your burden, then you could do a lot worse than to book a free call with me

https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/sign-up-consult

I look forward to helping you too

Ian

WTF?! - a razor advert without any benefits or features?

Outrageous!

You may have noticed that this week saw the arrival of a new razor advert. Personally I was upset that it didn’t feature any benefits or features that would help me decide whether my recent decision to use an electric razor was a good decision or whether I had inadvertently become part of a movement.

It is a confusing time to be a man.

I watched the advert without first being aware of the controversy, other than a vague awareness of a Twitter trend - which while interesting can easily be a world to itself.

Notepad and pen out I watched and made notes. I watched it 3 times. I even had a ‘moment’ when I thought about the man I continually seek to be.

Make no mistake it can be a confusing time to be a man - the certainty (and straitjacket) of physical prowess, sole provider for your family and emotional resilience at all costs is being eroded, but it is being eroded by men themselves, because for so many men they want something different - they want equality for their talented partners, they want to be actively involved in raising their children and most importantly they realise they have a choice.

Masculinity is no longer defined by being the breadwinner or having the ability to “man up”. By a distance – among every age of man questioned – everyone agreed that the two most important qualities for modern males were “being present as a father” and “being strong in a crisis”.

Source : GQ Magazine - The State of Man 2018

Passing on the right values

At its heart the Gillette advert it’s an inspirational message about how Dads teach their sons right from wrong, how they pass on the right values by their own actions.

It goes further than that because it works as a call to arms for a new generation. We don’t have to accept and tolerate the bad behaviour of a small number of others who have tarnished our good name. It encourages men to take back the agenda – a fight back against the legitimate punches of #metoo.

✅ Real men don't turn a blind eye to bad behaviour and just laugh it off.

✅ Real men stand up for their values.

✅ They are proud to do the right thing.

It’s true, I didn’t need a brand positioning advert to tell me that.

I also think it was a bit problematic putting children play fighting in the same advert as sexual assault. But I get what they are saying - behaviours are learnt at a young age and your children are watching. Boys will be Boys but that doesn’t stop us encouraging them to be better versions of themselves.

I believe that some men let all men down.

Men (and women) have excused bad behaviour in the past, to paraphrase -

“All it takes for bad behaviour to flourish is for good men to do nothing.”

Of course I could be wrong…

The dislikes on You Tube have hit 965,000 - up 1,000 in the time it’s taken to write this.

“One of the most disgusting adverts I've ever seen”

“This ad is full of ultra left toxic masculinity ideology feminist propaganda”

Need someone to take your work life balance seriously?

If you are one of the 66% of men who identify “being present as a father” as the #1 most important quality for modern males then you get my help with your work balance by scheduling a call with me.