Can Dads Have It All? Why "Parenting Out Loud" Matters

There’s a growing conversation happening in workplaces, playgrounds, and NCT chats among fathers - a shift in what it means to be a modern dad. The idea that dads want to “have it all” - a thriving career and a deeply involved family life - is no longer niche. For many men, it’s mainstream, and this represents a massive opportunity for society to rethink outdated assumptions about gender, work, and parenting.

I was 11 years old when our mum’s multiple sclerosis broke any domestic gender role expectations I might have had as a young teenager in a family of males.

At 33, becoming a dad showed me how challenging the early stages of fatherhood can be - identity change, anxiety and highly charged, mixed emotions, it also demonstrated that work and ‘status’ don’t define a man.

I was 35, in 2012, when 1 year old George Burke’s sudden death, followed 5 days later by the suicide of his dad, my friend, Paul, showed how fragile life can be. The devastation these events caused painfully illustrated the importance of normalising men feeling comfortable talking about their trauma, emotions and anxiety, and crucially, knowing where to turn for crisis support.

What I’ve Learnt as a twice stay at home Dad and coach

Here’s what’s clear: there is almost nothing men can’t do when it comes to raising children. The challenges fathers face today aren’t rooted in capability—they stem from culture, norms, and deeply entrenched assumptions. When we talk about gender in the workplace, we often focus (rightly) on the barriers women face—gender pay gaps, limited progression into senior roles, and the harsh realities of the motherhood penalty, with up to 74,000 women a year pushed out of work due to pregnancy and maternity discrimination.

But there’s another side to the story: men. More specifically, new dads. Many struggle with the emotional and practical impacts of fatherhood. They feel pressure to be the “rock,” to remain stoic, productive, unphased. And too often, they feel like they are navigating this alone.

The Gender Dynamics at Work and Home

Despite decades of equal pay legislation, women continue to face stubborn pay and pension gaps. We’re ‘missing’ women at senior levels. And too often, the cost of childcare is viewed through the lens of the mother’s earnings, reinforcing the idea that hers is the secondary career. This logic, embedded in workplace and family dynamics, reinforces inequality and limits choices for both partners.

Equality, however, begins at home. When we assume that women are more ‘committed’ to caregiving and men are more ‘available’ for work, we limit everyone.

“When I first met Lisa, I didn’t think she had kids, because I didn’t think a mum could do this job.”

https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/

The Dad Struggle

The “Diamond of Dilemma” represents the tension many dads feel in the face of competing demands on their time and focus. Apart from the challenge around translating ‘family man’, it’s a narrative that is largely gender neutral.

But add in the concept that “mum knows best,” compounded by limited paternity leave policies and the persistent expectation that men should be breadwinners first, carers second, it is easy to see why new dads might struggle with their place and value in a world that has moved on significantly from their own dad’s experiences.

☹️ Around 10% of dads experience depression during their partner’s pregnancy,

☹️ Fathers are twice as likely to suffer depression in the first year of fatherhood than men without children.

☹️ Anxiety is common, especially for those trying to live up to the expectation of being the steady, unshakable one.

These struggles are amplified by societal expectations and outdated traditions. But here’s the thing: tradition has a cost. And it’s one we can no longer afford to pay.

The Cost of Tradition

As a coach, specialising in supporting men through the first year of fatherhood, I would never seek to define how my coachees structure their lives but it can be important to understand that while ‘traditional’ family set ups can provide great certainty and clarity they can be problematic for a significant number of parents

A University of Bath study of 6,000 American heterosexual couples over 15 years showed husbands were most anxious when they are the sole breadwinner. “Study of US data shows persistent social norms about male breadwinning can harm men’s mental health.”

While research from Dr Ana Jordan, University of Lincoln found:

⭐ 25% of Fathers in traditional arrangements felt forced into roles.

⭐ “Mothers in traditional arrangements reported significantly lower wellbeing and relationship quality than mothers who shared childcare equally or reversed roles”

What Is “Parenting Out Loud”?

Enter the idea of #ParentingOutLoud - a simple but radical concept that encourages dads to be open, visible, and unapologetic about their caregiving responsibilities. The term, popularised by Elliott Rae of Music Football Fatherhood, is about more than sharing daycare pickups in your calendar. It’s about challenging assumptions, starting conversations, and de-gendering caregiving.

When dads “parent out loud,” they signal that caregiving isn’t a weakness or an afterthought. It’s part of a full, healthy life. And when male leaders model this behavior, they give permission to others to do the same.

Why It Matters

Parenting out loud matters because it challenges stereotypes and makes caregiving visible. It helps normalise the idea that both parents are responsible for raising children—and that work must adapt to accommodate that shared responsibility.

It also creates equality at home. When one partner bears the mental load of family life while the other operates with a more singular focus, resentment builds. True fairness—whether in emotional labor, chores, or social freedom—requires intentionality and shared leadership. And it starts with open conversations.

So… Can Dads Have It All?

The answer depends on what we mean by “all.” No one can do everything perfectly, but dads can absolutely lead full, rich lives that include ambition and active fatherhood.

The key is to be deliberate.

Start by taking your leave. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do for your family, your partner, and yourself. Research shows that paternity leave reduces postnatal depression in fathers and boosts maternal income—by as much as 7% per month of leave taken, according to McKinsey’s reporting on a Swedish study.

Ask yourself: What does good work-life balance look like for me? Is it ‘balance’, ‘harmony’, or ‘integration’? Consider how your work pattern impacts your partner. Are you unintentionally prioritising one career over another? Are you both working full-time because you want to, or because it feels like the only option?

Think about your “second shift” at home—cooking, cleaning, managing logistics—and the mental load that often goes unnoticed. Design your ideal working week and ask your partner to do the same. Look for overlaps, gaps, and areas for realignment.

What’s In It For Me?

Plenty!
In an ideal world we wouldn’t be talking about how to persuade men of the benefits of being active and involved fathers… but we do what we need to do!

When dads are active, engaged, and emotionally present, everyone benefits. You get to be the dad you want to be. You deepen your connection with your children. You build confidence and pick up valuable life skills. You lead by example at home and in the workplace. You gain the skills and connections that can insulate yourself from losing access if your relationship breaks down.

And perhaps most importantly, you set the tone for future generations. By choosing equal parenting now, you reduce long-term relationship tension and model a healthier way forward.

Recognising the Barriers

Of course, change isn’t easy. Many men fear being judged if they take time off or ask for flexibility. They worry about being overlooked for promotions, seen as uncommitted, or even mocked. These fears are real—and they’re reinforced by silence.

A 2021 BBC article described this perfectly:

“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”

These aren’t just personal concerns—they’re systemic issues. But change is possible.

Breaking the Cycle

One of the most powerful insights comes from research on “pluralistic ignorance”—the idea that people often misjudge what others believe. A study by the Behavioural Insights Team found that men believed only 65% of their peers would support a male colleague working flexibly. In reality, 99% would. That gap in perception stops people from speaking up.

Simply telling men that their peers support shared parenting increases their likelihood of doing it themselves. That’s why parenting out loud matters—it breaks the silence and corrects the myth that “real men” don’t flex.

Next Steps

If you’re a dad wondering where to begin, start with this:

• Talk to other dads. You are not alone.

• Be honest with yourself. What does success really look like for you?

• Plan ahead—at home and at work.

• Find support. Seek community. Share your experiences. Join the Parents and Carers network at work.

And remember: you have a chance to shape something bigger than yourself. Your children are watching. So are your colleagues.

#ParentingOutLoud is not just a hashtag. It’s a movement. It’s a call to redefine what modern fatherhood can look like—and to build workplaces and homes that support it. So, can dads have it all?

Maybe not everything, all the time. But they can have what matters most. And they don’t have to do it quietly.

Photo Credit: Brittani Burns via Unsplash

What is the Business Case for Enhanced Parental Leave?

What Is the Business Case for Enhanced Parental leave?

This is article we explore these 3 key areas:

✅ Improves Employee Retention and Recruitment.

✅ Boosts Productivity and Engagement

✅ Supports Gender Equality Goals.

Why Is Enhanced Parental Leave More Important Than Ever?

In this post I’ll be examining how enhanced parental leave policies benefit UK businesses from an economic and cultural standpoint. But, before we get into the details of benefits for companies, let’s first explore what we mean by ‘Enhanced Parental Leave’ and then look at the big picture benefits for societies and families.

a) What is ‘Enhanced Parental Leave.’

The statutory requirements in the UK are very modest, amongst the worst in Europe…

Maternity Leave

“Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP) for eligible employees can be paid for up to 39 weeks, usually as follows:

• the first 6 weeks: 90% of their average weekly earnings (AWE) before tax

• the remaining 33 weeks: £184.03 or 90% of their AWE (whichever is lower)”

https://www.gov.uk/employers-maternity-pay-leave

Paternity leave

“Employees can choose to take either 1 week or 2 consecutive weeks’ leave…

Statutory Paternity Pay for eligible employees is either £184.03 a week or 90% of their average weekly earnings (whichever is lower). Tax and National Insurance need to be deducted.”

https://www.gov.uk/employers-paternity-pay-leave

Shared Parental Leave

In 2015, the UK introduced a shared parental leave policy allowing eligible parents to split up to 50 weeks of leave and up to 37 weeks of pay between them. This pay is at the statutory rates describes above.

The answer in literal terms: Enhanced Parental Leave could be anything above these Statutory levels.

1 week at 50% of pay would, for many men, be an enhancement to their current pay.

Not all enhanced leave is equal

The Inspiring Dads’ Parental Leave Database highlights organisations with:

• Equal Leave - the same leave regardless of how you become a parent.

• Equal Via SPL – where the shared parental leave pay and length of time matches maternity leave time and pay.

• 6 weeks for Dad – leave that matches an organisation’s paternity leave with the statutory maternity provision.

b) The Macro-economic benefits

A Pregnant Then Screwed and Centre for Progressive Policy report in 2023  found that countries with more than six weeks of paid paternity leave have a 4% smaller gender wage gap and 3.7% smaller labour force participation gap. Their analysis also suggested that closing gender employment gaps could increase economic output by £23 billion.

In findings of a similar vein, the World Economic Forum's Global Gender Gap Report 2022 found that 80% of the gender pay gap was driven by Maternity leave. Leave is important for the well being of mothers and babies alike, but inequalities in the length of leave can entrench societal norms, reducing choice and the fuelling the gender pay gap.

c) Societal shift

The Pregnant Then Screwed and Centre for Progressive Policy report also found that just 18% of Brits think 2 weeks paternity leave or less is enough, but one in five (22%) dads and partners that are eligible for paternity leave take no leave at all.

Why would dads not be taking leave? When, according to the research from Zurich of 1,000 new dads, three quarters said they’d like to take up to 12 weeks off work at this time?

d) Because paternity leave doesn’t pay

Crucially it’s about finances.

As Tom Cruise’s character once said – “Show me the money!”

The Fatherhood Institute asked “What price for time with dad?” and calculated that a full-time employed father in the UK, on average earnings, can lose £1,021.04 when they take two weeks of statutory paternity leave.

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The Business Case

1) Improves Employee Retention and Recruitment 

• Research by Working Families and Bright Horizons shows that 48% of UK parents who have access to enhanced parental leave report higher job satisfaction and engagement, contributing to better long-term employee performance.

• Bright Horizons found that 80% of UK employees feel more committed to their employer if they have access to flexible family-friendly policies, including enhanced parental leave.

• In this article, Flexa look at why parental leave so important, and how does it benefit both employees and businesses?

  “Enhanced parental leave policies contribute to higher employee retention rates and create loyalty among employees. When companies provide ample time off for new parents, it shows that they value their employees' well-being and support their life outside of work. This can lead to increased job satisfaction and a stronger commitment to the company”.

• Meanwhile Zurich talked to dads and discovered that:

“when looking for a new role, 43% of new dads look for paid paternity leave above bonus (42%) and salary (27%)”, which isn’t surprising when the same data showed that “of those that take no time at all, seven out of 10 can’t afford to”, while “a third of new dads were forced to take holiday while 12% resorted to unpaid leave in order to spend time with their new babies.”

2) Boosts Productivity and Engagement

Lisa S. Kaplowitz and Kate Mangino

• The CIPD found that companies offering enhanced parental leave see improved mental health and well-being among returning employees, leading to higher productivity and lower absenteeism.

• Further nuggets from the Pregnant Then Screwed and Centre for Progressive Policy report:

  “We find that a woman’s partner taking parental leave is associated with a 34% increase in the likelihood of a woman being physically able to return to work”

• Lisa S. Kaplowitz and Kate Mangino, researching at Rutgers University identified a wide range of workplace skills that are developed through the process of care giving. Find out more in the HBR article “Caregiver Employees Bring Unique Value to Companies”

3) Supports Gender Equality Goals

• The Fawcett Society, the UK’s leading membership charity campaign for gender equality and women’s rights at work, at home and in public life is seeking government to introduce a dedicated period of leave for fathers “paid closer to replacement earnings rate. Current shared parental leave legislation is welcome, but too few fathers will be able to take it.”

• PWC’s Women in Work 2023 Report highlighted that:

  “In 2021, the OECD found the motherhood penalty accounted for 60% of the gender pay gap across 25 European countries, with factors… In Northern and Western European countries, the motherhood penalty accounted for 75% of the gender pay gap.”

• Research by McKinsey (2020) showed that companies with a strong focus on diversity and inclusion, including robust parental leave policies, are 25% more likely to have above-average profitability, driven by diverse leadership teams that enhance innovation and decision-making.

Bonus reason - Reputational Kudos.

Man on LinkedIn posts sleep deprived picture with his baby. He thanks his employer for the opportunity to take 3 months leave. The comments blow up, the organic reach is astronomical. I notice and the employer makes it the database

In Conclusion

Creating opportunities for your new parents to access well paid extended parental leave, regardless of how they become parents is being increasingly seen as a core part of the employee benefit offer.

As at 9th May 2025, The Inspiring Dads’ Parental Leave Database captures over 370 UK organisations

👏 134 Equal Parental Leave offers.

👏 a further 85 organisations equalising via Shared Parental Leave.

👏 192 organisations in the UK who offer 6 weeks full pay for dads (ringfenced, not hidden within Shared Parental Leave)

The reason those numbers are rising every month is laid out in the evidence above - enhanced and equal parental leave positively impact employee retention, productivity, diversity, and long-term business growth in the UK. Crucially a fairer, better society has to include equality at choice around caring responsibilities. It’s the route to gender equality.  

Campaign to Make Things Better:

PS If you think that Men don’t Want to Take Leave?

Stats around the low update of shared parental leave paint a picture that could easily be misinterpreted but when organisations get the culture and pay ‘right’ and remove the issue of transferring leave men will take the leave they are entitled to.

• Two thirds of new dads at Zurich UK took their full 80 days paternity leave in 2023.

• 80% of men Aviva have taken at least five months out of work when a new child arrives, and 79% of men have taken over five months for subsequent births

Extra Resources

If you are considering introducing an Equal Parental Leave policy, here is a brilliant guide from Business In The Community which explores costs, benefits and tips for successful implementation. Plus see measurement tips and tricks from Careers After Babies.

Photo Credit Vitolda Klein @little_klein via Unsplash

More Parental Leave posts

Everything You Need to Know About Our Private 1 to 1 Dad Coaching

One to one coaching can feel like a big investment, and I understand that if you’re going to invest your money you want to know if this is right for you. So before I give you the chance of setting up a 1 to 1 call to explore your options, I want you to take the time to understand more about what we offer and why.

Ian Dinwiddy

Founder of Inspiring Dads

An overview of our 1 to 1 coaching.

Inspiring Dads specialises in paternity coaching for businesses and organisations, supporting ‘first year fathers’ to process the emotional and practical upheaval of fatherhood, regardless of whether they are first time dads or more experienced / worn out (!)

It helps them understand and navigate their way through the immediate stress and worry, building solid foundations and high quality, equitable relationships for the future. But that’s not all we do - we work with dads throughout their dad journey.

At the heart of all our client work Is:

“how to be a great dad, without sacrificing a great career?”

Dads benefit from a judgment free environment which supports open and honest conversations, exploring the pressures of modern day fatherhood. With the NCT reporting that the number of men who become depressed in the first year after becoming a dad is double that of the general population and 1 in 10 dads-to-be will also become depressed during their partner’s pregnancy, it’s clear that supporting new dads is crucial to help them feel more confident, involved, and valued in their role as parents. This support contributes to healthier family dynamics, strengthens the bond between father and child, and fosters a more inclusive parenting culture, benefiting both the individual and the wider community.

We deliver coaching to organisations including:

What problems Can Our Coaching solve? 

✅ How to manage the emotional and practical impacts of fatherhood.

✅ How to build meaningful and balanced relationships at home.

✅ Coping with the childcare logistics of being part of a dual-income couple.

✅ How to be successful at work and at home.

✅ Defining and maintaining healthy workplace boundaries.

What’s included in Our 1 to 1 Coaching Packages?

• 3, 5 or 7 Private 1 to 1 Coaching sessions.

• Our ‘Identifying and Achieving Your Path’ - ‘Training’ course.

• The option to upgrade to ‘The New Dads Accelerator’ course

• DISC personality profile (s)

• WhatsApp support

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What does The Identifying and Achieving Your Path course Include? 

Click on the image to discover more

1. Wheel of Life.

2. Your Five Key People of Influence.

3. Identifying Your Values.

4. Create your 'Be, Do, Have' list.

5. 'Be, Do, Have' Meets 'Wheel of Life'

6. Digging Deeper Into Your Why.

7. Identify Your Top Five Objectives.

8. How Much Money Do Your Objectives Require?

9. Design Your Ideal Working Week.

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How does a DISC profile help you?

• Gain insight into your behavioural preferences.

• Learn how your approach changes under pressure.

• Discover HOW you like to do things and how this effects your relationships with those around you.

• Learn how to apply this knowledge to every day life, both in work and personal relationships.

• Platinum members receive a 2nd, ‘partners profile’ as part of their package.

• Silver and Gold Packages can add a 2nd DISC report for just £49

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How much do our Private coaching Packages cost?

*** Contact us to discuss our organisational pricing structure.

• upgrade to The New Dads Accelerator course content for just £39.

• Add a 2nd DISC report for just £49 and receive Key tips for better communicate in your relationship.

If you have a work Health and Wellbeing fund, your organisation might pay for your coaching like it did for my client Daniel

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If you have a work Health and Wellbeing fund, your organisation might pay for your coaching like it did for my client Daniel ~

Who is this for?

✅ You want to discover your values, priorities and authentic purpose.

✅ You are ready to develop your communication skills and nurture key relationships.

✅ You need to create a work life ‘balance’ that delivers the priorities that really matter to you.

✅ You need practical tips for juggling work / life balance within the family context.

But, it’s Time to be honest…

1 to 1 coaching isn’t going to be for everyone. You’ve got to be ready to make a change, to take action and you’ve also got to ready to be emotionally vulnerable, honest with yourself and honest with me.

If you can’t let go of your thoughts and let me in then it’s not going to work. In short you need to trust me and trust yourself.

That’s why we jump on a free call first, to discover if the chemistry is there.

Once we start - it’s not just about talking, it’s about taking action. I’ll be your guide but it can’t do it for you.

Your goals, your action, your success

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What could you use coaching for?

Taking Your leave…

• Reflecting on your hopes and fears of fatherhood.

• Strengthen relationships at work in preparation for taking leave and minimise impact on career.

• Creating and communicating a handover plan.

• Keeping in touch during leave to ensure continued visibility where appropriate.

• Setting up a support network and communication plan.

• Preparing for the parental leave ‘culture shock.’ Two long stints as a stay at home makes me particularly well qualified on this subject!

Returning from leave…

• ‘Reconnecting’ – sharing of experiences, highs and lows and key lessons.

• Assessing options for returning to work.

• Understanding any changes in personal and family values.

• Preparing ‘return to work’ meetings with managers.

• Preparing for the return to work – the practical considerations (childcare, contingency plans, time management)

• Working on relationships and visibility.

  Longer term objectives…

• Identifying the benefits and challenges of work to you and your family.

• Are all the factors that lead to a longer-term healthy work / family ‘balance’ in place?

• Assessing and understanding career direction (and changes to the plan).

• Assessing time management skills needed for managing work / family ‘balance’.

• Identifying and managing stress points.

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How do you access the ‘Identifying Your Path’ content?

Once you sign up, you will receive an email from us with your login information.

Then you’ll log into a learning platform, Thinkific, using the login instructions in the email.

Once you sign in, you’ll see the dashboard area, from where you can access all the videos and resources. 

What results can I expect?

Lots more testimonials here: https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/testimonials

How do I sign up?

Before I let you part with your hard earned cash, you need to book a free 30 min video call with me to talk about what keeps you awake at night.

• We’ll discover what you are hoping to achieve.

• How I can help you and whether we want to work together.

• We’ll dig into your thoughts and observations, your highs and your lows.

• I’ll challenge your inconsistencies.

• We notice the hidden subtext.

• We create some initial momentum.

• You reflect on your new found understanding and clarity.

• We work together to make progress towards the goals that really matter to you.

If you prefer to work things through on your own, at a pace that works for you - why not check out our course content here >>> https://courses.inspiringdads.co.uk/

Image courtesy of Heidi Fin @framesbyfin via Unsplash