HELPING STRESSED DADS BALANCE WORK AND FATHERHOOD
Can Dads Have It All? Why "Parenting Out Loud" Matters
A new generation of dads wants be an active and involved parent and thrive at work - and this represents a major opportunity for families, the workplace and society.
There’s a growing conversation happening in workplaces, playgrounds, and NCT chats among fathers - a shift in what it means to be a modern dad. The idea that dads want to “have it all” - a thriving career and a deeply involved family life - is no longer niche. For many men, it’s mainstream, and this represents a massive opportunity for society to rethink outdated assumptions about gender, work, and parenting.
I was 11 years old when our mum’s multiple sclerosis broke any domestic gender role expectations I might have had as a young teenager in a family of males.
At 33, becoming a dad showed me how challenging the early stages of fatherhood can be - identity change, anxiety and highly charged, mixed emotions, it also demonstrated that work and ‘status’ don’t define a man.
I was 35, in 2012, when 1 year old George Burke’s sudden death, followed 5 days later by the suicide of his dad, my friend, Paul, showed how fragile life can be. The devastation these events caused painfully illustrated the importance of normalising men feeling comfortable talking about their trauma, emotions and anxiety, and crucially, knowing where to turn for crisis support.
What I’ve Learnt as a twice stay at home Dad and coach
Here’s what’s clear: there is almost nothing men can’t do when it comes to raising children. The challenges fathers face today aren’t rooted in capability—they stem from culture, norms, and deeply entrenched assumptions. When we talk about gender in the workplace, we often focus (rightly) on the barriers women face—gender pay gaps, limited progression into senior roles, and the harsh realities of the motherhood penalty, with up to 74,000 women a year pushed out of work due to pregnancy and maternity discrimination.
But there’s another side to the story: men. More specifically, new dads. Many struggle with the emotional and practical impacts of fatherhood. They feel pressure to be the “rock,” to remain stoic, productive, unphased. And too often, they feel like they are navigating this alone.
The Gender Dynamics at Work and Home
Despite decades of equal pay legislation, women continue to face stubborn pay and pension gaps. We’re ‘missing’ women at senior levels. And too often, the cost of childcare is viewed through the lens of the mother’s earnings, reinforcing the idea that hers is the secondary career. This logic, embedded in workplace and family dynamics, reinforces inequality and limits choices for both partners.
Equality, however, begins at home. When we assume that women are more ‘committed’ to caregiving and men are more ‘available’ for work, we limit everyone.
“When I first met Lisa, I didn’t think she had kids, because I didn’t think a mum could do this job.”
https://english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/
The Dad Struggle
The “Diamond of Dilemma” represents the tension many dads feel in the face of competing demands on their time and focus. Apart from the challenge around translating ‘family man’, it’s a narrative that is largely gender neutral.
But add in the concept that “mum knows best,” compounded by limited paternity leave policies and the persistent expectation that men should be breadwinners first, carers second, it is easy to see why new dads might struggle with their place and value in a world that has moved on significantly from their own dad’s experiences.
☹️ Around 10% of dads experience depression during their partner’s pregnancy,
☹️ Fathers are twice as likely to suffer depression in the first year of fatherhood than men without children.
☹️ Anxiety is common, especially for those trying to live up to the expectation of being the steady, unshakable one.
These struggles are amplified by societal expectations and outdated traditions. But here’s the thing: tradition has a cost. And it’s one we can no longer afford to pay.
The Cost of Tradition
As a coach, specialising in supporting men through the first year of fatherhood, I would never seek to define how my coachees structure their lives but it can be important to understand that while ‘traditional’ family set ups can provide great certainty and clarity they can be problematic for a significant number of parents
A University of Bath study of 6,000 American heterosexual couples over 15 years showed husbands were most anxious when they are the sole breadwinner. “Study of US data shows persistent social norms about male breadwinning can harm men’s mental health.”
While research from Dr Ana Jordan, University of Lincoln found:
⭐ 25% of Fathers in traditional arrangements felt forced into roles.
⭐ “Mothers in traditional arrangements reported significantly lower wellbeing and relationship quality than mothers who shared childcare equally or reversed roles”
What Is “Parenting Out Loud”?
Enter the idea of #ParentingOutLoud - a simple but radical concept that encourages dads to be open, visible, and unapologetic about their caregiving responsibilities. The term, popularised by Elliott Rae of Music Football Fatherhood, is about more than sharing daycare pickups in your calendar. It’s about challenging assumptions, starting conversations, and de-gendering caregiving.
When dads “parent out loud,” they signal that caregiving isn’t a weakness or an afterthought. It’s part of a full, healthy life. And when male leaders model this behavior, they give permission to others to do the same.
Why It Matters
Parenting out loud matters because it challenges stereotypes and makes caregiving visible. It helps normalise the idea that both parents are responsible for raising children—and that work must adapt to accommodate that shared responsibility.
It also creates equality at home. When one partner bears the mental load of family life while the other operates with a more singular focus, resentment builds. True fairness—whether in emotional labor, chores, or social freedom—requires intentionality and shared leadership. And it starts with open conversations.
So… Can Dads Have It All?
The answer depends on what we mean by “all.” No one can do everything perfectly, but dads can absolutely lead full, rich lives that include ambition and active fatherhood.
The key is to be deliberate.
Start by taking your leave. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do for your family, your partner, and yourself. Research shows that paternity leave reduces postnatal depression in fathers and boosts maternal income—by as much as 7% per month of leave taken, according to McKinsey’s reporting on a Swedish study.
Ask yourself: What does good work-life balance look like for me? Is it ‘balance’, ‘harmony’, or ‘integration’? Consider how your work pattern impacts your partner. Are you unintentionally prioritising one career over another? Are you both working full-time because you want to, or because it feels like the only option?
Think about your “second shift” at home—cooking, cleaning, managing logistics—and the mental load that often goes unnoticed. Design your ideal working week and ask your partner to do the same. Look for overlaps, gaps, and areas for realignment.
What’s In It For Me?
Plenty!
In an ideal world we wouldn’t be talking about how to persuade men of the benefits of being active and involved fathers… but we do what we need to do!
When dads are active, engaged, and emotionally present, everyone benefits. You get to be the dad you want to be. You deepen your connection with your children. You build confidence and pick up valuable life skills. You lead by example at home and in the workplace. You gain the skills and connections that can insulate yourself from losing access if your relationship breaks down.
And perhaps most importantly, you set the tone for future generations. By choosing equal parenting now, you reduce long-term relationship tension and model a healthier way forward.
Recognising the Barriers
Of course, change isn’t easy. Many men fear being judged if they take time off or ask for flexibility. They worry about being overlooked for promotions, seen as uncommitted, or even mocked. These fears are real—and they’re reinforced by silence.
A 2021 BBC article described this perfectly:
“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”
These aren’t just personal concerns—they’re systemic issues. But change is possible.
Breaking the Cycle
One of the most powerful insights comes from research on “pluralistic ignorance”—the idea that people often misjudge what others believe. A study by the Behavioural Insights Team found that men believed only 65% of their peers would support a male colleague working flexibly. In reality, 99% would. That gap in perception stops people from speaking up.
Simply telling men that their peers support shared parenting increases their likelihood of doing it themselves. That’s why parenting out loud matters—it breaks the silence and corrects the myth that “real men” don’t flex.
Next Steps
If you’re a dad wondering where to begin, start with this:
Talk to other dads. You are not alone.
Be honest with yourself. What does success really look like for you?
Plan ahead—at home and at work.
Find support. Seek community. Share your experiences. Join the Parents and Carers network at work.
And remember: you have a chance to shape something bigger than yourself. Your children are watching. So are your colleagues.
#ParentingOutLoud is not just a hashtag. It’s a movement. It’s a call to redefine what modern fatherhood can look like—and to build workplaces and homes that support it. So, can dads have it all?
Maybe not everything, all the time. But they can have what matters most. And they don’t have to do it quietly.
Photo Credit: Brittani Burns via Unsplash
What is the Business Case for Enhanced Parental Leave?
Discover 3 key pillars to create a compelling business case for enhanced parental leave.
What Is the Business Case for Enhanced Parental leave?
This is article we explore these 3 key areas:
✅ Improves Employee Retention and Recruitment.
✅ Boosts Productivity and Engagement
✅ Supports Gender Equality Goals.
Why Is Enhanced Parental Leave More Important Than Ever?
In this post I’ll be examining how enhanced parental leave policies benefit UK businesses from an economic and cultural standpoint. But, before we get into the details of benefits for companies, let’s first explore what we mean by ‘Enhanced Parental Leave’ and then look at the big picture benefits for societies and families.
a) What is ‘Enhanced Parental Leave.’
The statutory requirements in the UK are very modest, amongst the worst in Europe…
Maternity Leave
“Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP) for eligible employees can be paid for up to 39 weeks, usually as follows:
the first 6 weeks: 90% of their average weekly earnings (AWE) before tax
the remaining 33 weeks: £184.03 or 90% of their AWE (whichever is lower)”
https://www.gov.uk/employers-maternity-pay-leave
Paternity leave
“Employees can choose to take either 1 week or 2 consecutive weeks’ leave…
Statutory Paternity Pay for eligible employees is either £184.03 a week or 90% of their average weekly earnings (whichever is lower). Tax and National Insurance need to be deducted.”
https://www.gov.uk/employers-paternity-pay-leave
Shared Parental Leave
In 2015, the UK introduced a shared parental leave policy allowing eligible parents to split up to 50 weeks of leave and up to 37 weeks of pay between them. This pay is at the statutory rates describes above.
The answer in literal terms: Enhanced Parental Leave could be anything above these Statutory levels.
1 week at 50% of pay would, for many men, be an enhancement to their current pay.
Not all enhanced leave is equal
The Inspiring Dads’ Parental Leave Database highlights organisations with:
Equal Leave - the same leave regardless of how you become a parent.
Equal Via SPL – where the shared parental leave pay and length of time matches maternity leave time and pay.
6 weeks for Dad – leave that matches an organisation’s paternity leave with the statutory maternity provision.
b) The Macro-economic benefits
A Pregnant Then Screwed and Centre for Progressive Policy report in 2023 found that countries with more than six weeks of paid paternity leave have a 4% smaller gender wage gap and 3.7% smaller labour force participation gap. Their analysis also suggested that closing gender employment gaps could increase economic output by £23 billion.
In findings of a similar vein, the World Economic Forum's Global Gender Gap Report 2022 found that 80% of the gender pay gap was driven by Maternity leave. Leave is important for the well being of mothers and babies alike, but inequalities in the length of leave can entrench societal norms, reducing choice and the fuelling the gender pay gap.
c) Societal shift
The Pregnant Then Screwed and Centre for Progressive Policy report also found that just 18% of Brits think 2 weeks paternity leave or less is enough, but one in five (22%) dads and partners that are eligible for paternity leave take no leave at all.
Why would dads not be taking leave? When, according to the research from Zurich of 1,000 new dads, three quarters said they’d like to take up to 12 weeks off work at this time?
d) Because paternity leave doesn’t pay
Crucially it’s about finances.
As Tom Cruise’s character once said – “Show me the money!”
The Fatherhood Institute asked “What price for time with dad?” and calculated that a full-time employed father in the UK, on average earnings, can lose £1,021.04 when they take two weeks of statutory paternity leave.
The Business Case
1) Improves Employee Retention and Recruitment
Research by Working Families and Bright Horizons shows that 48% of UK parents who have access to enhanced parental leave report higher job satisfaction and engagement, contributing to better long-term employee performance.
Bright Horizons found that 80% of UK employees feel more committed to their employer if they have access to flexible family-friendly policies, including enhanced parental leave.
In this article, Flexa look at why parental leave so important, and how does it benefit both employees and businesses?
“Enhanced parental leave policies contribute to higher employee retention rates and create loyalty among employees. When companies provide ample time off for new parents, it shows that they value their employees' well-being and support their life outside of work. This can lead to increased job satisfaction and a stronger commitment to the company”.
“when looking for a new role, 43% of new dads look for paid paternity leave above bonus (42%) and salary (27%)”, which isn’t surprising when the same data showed that “of those that take no time at all, seven out of 10 can’t afford to”, while “a third of new dads were forced to take holiday while 12% resorted to unpaid leave in order to spend time with their new babies.”
2) Boosts Productivity and Engagement
Lisa S. Kaplowitz and Kate Mangino
The CIPD found that companies offering enhanced parental leave see improved mental health and well-being among returning employees, leading to higher productivity and lower absenteeism.
Further nuggets from the Pregnant Then Screwed and Centre for Progressive Policy report:
“We find that a woman’s partner taking parental leave is associated with a 34% increase in the likelihood of a woman being physically able to return to work”
Lisa S. Kaplowitz and Kate Mangino, researching at Rutgers University identified a wide range of workplace skills that are developed through the process of care giving. Find out more in the HBR article “Caregiver Employees Bring Unique Value to Companies”
3) Supports Gender Equality Goals
The Fawcett Society, the UK’s leading membership charity campaign for gender equality and women’s rights at work, at home and in public life is seeking government to introduce a dedicated period of leave for fathers “paid closer to replacement earnings rate. Current shared parental leave legislation is welcome, but too few fathers will be able to take it.”
PWC’s Women in Work 2023 Report highlighted that:
“In 2021, the OECD found the motherhood penalty accounted for 60% of the gender pay gap across 25 European countries, with factors… In Northern and Western European countries, the motherhood penalty accounted for 75% of the gender pay gap.”
Research by McKinsey (2020) showed that companies with a strong focus on diversity and inclusion, including robust parental leave policies, are 25% more likely to have above-average profitability, driven by diverse leadership teams that enhance innovation and decision-making.
Bonus reason - Reputational Kudos.
Man on LinkedIn posts sleep deprived picture with his baby. He thanks his employer for the opportunity to take 3 months leave. The comments blow up, the organic reach is astronomical. I notice and the employer makes it the database
In Conclusion
Creating opportunities for your new parents to access well paid extended parental leave, regardless of how they become parents is being increasingly seen as a core part of the employee benefit offer.
As at 9th May 2025, The Inspiring Dads’ Parental Leave Database captures over 370 UK organisations
👏 134 Equal Parental Leave offers.
👏 a further 85 organisations equalising via Shared Parental Leave.
👏 192 organisations in the UK who offer 6 weeks full pay for dads (ringfenced, not hidden within Shared Parental Leave)
The reason those numbers are rising every month is laid out in the evidence above - enhanced and equal parental leave positively impact employee retention, productivity, diversity, and long-term business growth in the UK. Crucially a fairer, better society has to include equality at choice around caring responsibilities. It’s the route to gender equality.
Campaign to Make Things Better:
PS If you think that Men don’t Want to Take Leave?
Stats around the low update of shared parental leave paint a picture that could easily be misinterpreted but when organisations get the culture and pay ‘right’ and remove the issue of transferring leave men will take the leave they are entitled to.
Two thirds of new dads at Zurich UK took their full 80 days paternity leave in 2023.
80% of men Aviva have taken at least five months out of work when a new child arrives, and 79% of men have taken over five months for subsequent births
Extra Resources
If you are considering introducing an Equal Parental Leave policy, here is a brilliant guide from Business In The Community which explores costs, benefits and tips for successful implementation. Plus see measurement tips and tricks from Careers After Babies.
Photo Credit Vitolda Klein @little_klein via Unsplash
More Parental Leave posts
Building The New Reality
Building new foundations and thought processes are crucial to driving gender equality at work and at home.
Building The New Reality
I was chatting with our next-door neighbour Ted..
Ted - "Have you seen that the new build has been sold?"
Me - "Err... Ted, what do you mean by the 'new build'?”
Ted - "You know… the new build, 4 doors down from us..."
mentally I cross off 4 houses...
Me - "I didn't, no, but why's it called the new build?"
Ted - "didn't you know, it got destroyed in the war and rebuilt."
Me - “ah ha…”
-----
The 'new build' has stood for more than 60 years... Ted wasn’t even born when the bomb fell on the road that we all now live on and yet in the collective consciousness it’s the “new build.”
Talking to Ted reminded me of one of the challenges facing gender diversity in the workplace.
People often, simply don't have the same points of reference.
If your senior management began their careers at a time when Dads went to work and Mums stayed at home, they won't necessarily understand that attitudes and expectations of a new generation has changed.
Men want to be able to take well paid, extended, parental leave, and then work flexibly in order be there for their children, in a way they don't remember from their own childhoods.
It's good for their mental health, good for their children's connections and outcomes and allows them to support and enable their partner's career ambitions. Helping senior leadership understand this change is crucial to supporting gender equality. Embracing active fatherhood in the workplace can be a game changer for equality. Soon it won't be a new thing.
Building new foundations and thought processes are crucial to driving gender equality at work and at home.
Drop me a message if you want to explore ideas on how your organisation can leverage support for new dads to build better gender equality.
Ian
Info@inspiringdads.co.uk
#inspiringdads #parentalleave #genderequality
Men DO want Parental Leave and Flexible Working
Plurastic Ignorance is the tendency of people to hold a particular opinion privately while mistakenly believing the majority of people disagree with that opinion…
“Simply telling men that their peers support parental leave and flexible working, increases their intention to share care."
An amazing headline from The Behavioural Insights Team. The key idea behind the research was the concept of "pluralistic ignorance."
"the tendency of people to hold a particular opinion privately while mistakenly believing the majority of people disagree with that opinion. For example, if men mistakenly think that their colleagues and managers would disapprove if they worked flexibly, then they avoid doing so, anticipating negative social and career repercussions."
Despite the pandemic creating a sea change in men's attitude towards flexible and remote working, the fear of being seen as "uncommitted" runs deep.
How powerful would it be for individuals, families and business culture to know that your peers actually support your decision to take leave or work flexibly?
Some key takeaways... from the Santander UK example
👍 Survey respondents would encourage men they work with to take 8 weeks of leave, BUT thought their male colleagues would only encourage around 6 weeks.
👍 Men thought that roughly 65% of their peers would encourage male colleagues to work flexibly, while in reality 99% would do so.
Sharing the baseline survey attitudes with a new cohort of men lead to a step change in intention...
👍 "We saw a 62% increase in the proportion of men intending to take 5-8 weeks of leave in the group that received feedback."
(The average level of leave taken was 4 weeks.)
Extended parental leave, flexible and remote working is good for mental health, equality at home and equality at work and all those benefits could be just a small step away.
Does Fatherhood Deserve To Be Put On A Pedestal?
Does Fatherhood Deserve To Be Put On A Pedestal?
It’s an intriguing question raised by this Tweet from The Feminist Barrister
“Men who do half of the household chores, take care of the baby, pay their way, do emotional labour, are not special, they don't deserve a pat on the back, it should be normal.”
She has a point, in a world of gender inequalities at home and at work, the idea of eulogising dads for doing the very same things that, at best, pass as unnoticed when mums do them, can feel perverse, if not downright disrespectful.
But the word that caught my eye was ‘SHOULD’.
I totally agreed. It SHOULD be normal, but I think there’s a lot of merit in exploring why it might not be ‘normal’ and what we can do to normalise the type of active and involved fatherhood that everyone benefits from.
I’ll come right out with it; I think we do need to put fatherhood on a ‘pedestal’ - at least under some circumstances.
In my line of work, I’m always thinking of ways to help my dads’ work out how to balance work and fatherhood, to solve the challenge of “How to be a great dad, without sacrificing a great career,” and, crucially to recognise and address the barriers that stop dads being “the father they don’t remember growing up.”
I created a poll on LinkedIn and asked
How should society treat involved, equal fathers?
You can join the conversation here.
My options were
1. Celebrate Them
2. Ignore Them
3. It’s Complicated
There were a couple of great builds from Katie “Normalise It” and Elliot “Support Them.”
Frustration
Alison expressed her frustration at the unequal nature of expectations:
“Do we celebrate women today who do all this and more? It should just be normal to share chores, take part in family life and more. We can show our appreciation individually. It just reminds me when my husband does something we all have to be in awe when I seem to do that stuff day in day out 😂 no celebration. No badges of honor.”
While Emma echoed the sense of disrespecting women by celebrating men.
“ 'celebrate' them seems a little insulting to the women who do this day in day out and don't get it recognised let alone celebrated. But yes, definitely support them is the right way to approach this, so it becomes normal for all.”
Normalising
Normalising was also important to Lizzie who talked about positively reinforcing the behaviour we want to see. While Venise talked wrote about “normalizing normal, until it IS "normal”
Social Expectations
Sean picked out the importance of social and family barriers, as well as the importance of encouraging pioneers who want to change how society has told them they should be.
In my mind, this is the crucial part…
With the ONS reporting in July 22 that 83.9% of men are working full time v 38.4% of women, we can’t divorce what men do domestically, from what they are ‘expected’ or perceived to be expected to do at work.
“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”
Paternity leave, the hidden barriers keeping men at work.
And this cuts both ways…
“When I first met Lisa, I didn’t think she had kids, because I didn’t think a mum could do this job”
Gender Judgement
And spills over into judgement about men who don’t work. As Laura talks about her husband
"I've lost count of the comments he gets about the fact he is not undertaking paid work while he cares for the children. He is also sadly still one of the only men at many parent events and has been since the kids were babies at play groups."
Unhelpful judgements are everywhere
· Mums ‘damaging’ their children if they are in nursery too early or for too long.
· But ‘damaging’ them if they don’t have the social exposure to childcare settings.
· Talking about nursery fees in the context of mum’s income rather than family income.
· ‘Lazy’ SAHD dads who aren’t providing and get treated with suspicion.
The truth is that society’s bar for ‘good’ fatherhood is set too low and too narrow to the detriment of too many, while I think the opposite is true for motherhood.
What is normal?
“Men who do half of the household chores… it should be normal”
Frances Cushway and I explore the complexity what ‘normal’ looks like for individuals and relationships in our webinar
“The Home Contract – Managing Second Shift and Mental Load Challenges”
When we think about household chores, it is often through the prism of second shift activities and in that regard, research suggests that in heterosexual relationships, doing half isn’t normal and it also depends on what the task is.
Doing half is much more than the second shift, we also need to consider the mental load, the hidden, often unseen, emotional and cognitive labour.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic
Building Pedestals at work
In a world dominated by damaging gender expectations, 2 weeks of statutory paternity leave (and nothing for the self-employed) and the fear of being seen as uncommitted at work, we absolutely do need to put fatherhood on a pedestal and celebrate and support dads who seek to normalise the domestic equality that we need in society.
No, I don’t think we should be handing out participation medals at home, but in the workplace celebrating fatherhood really matters if we are to reframe the conversation about parenting and ‘commitment’ and improve gender equality in the workplace.
Workplaces need to use policies such as equalised parental leave as an enabler to drive culture change. To encourage and support dads to take extended leave, to work flexibly or part time and to build the skills, experience and empathy that solo parenting inevitably brings.
When fear, circumstances or expectation prevent dads from seeking out extended parental leave or flexible working it reinforces the idea that caring responsibilities are only for women and frequently we end up with domestic inequalities that manifest themselves as a two-speed race at work where some runners face very different hurdles to success.
Conclusion.
Let’s go back to the premise - does fatherhood deserve to be put on a pedestal?
My view, absolutely at work. #Equalitystartsathome, but the foundation for that equality is built by the culture in the workplace.
When we celebrate active and involved fatherhood at work and support new dads through maternity and beyond, we break the reality and perception of a two-speed system and start to remove the fatherhood fear that so that so many dads worry about.
"Simply telling men that their peers support parental leave and flexible working, increases their intention to share care."
Your next steps…
Contact me to discover our range of webinars and workshops or to talk about coaching support for new dads.
Join my next free webinar "Why Supporting New Dads At Work Is the Route to Gender Equality", on Tuesday 24th January
PS Why not connect and follow some of those, whose wisdom and insight, I have tapped into here.
Elliott Rae Laura McCambridge Lizzie Martin PCC Alison Main Emma Banister Sean Coffin Frances Cushway Katie Tucker K. Venise Vinegar Dorothy Dalton Daniel Bailey (Assoc CIPD)
"Supporting Dads to Make Brave Decisions..."
Championing New Dads At Work - Edition 3.
This week I’m a guest on the Big Careers, Small Children Podcast from Leaders Plus and lots more
“Supporting Dads To Make Brave Decisions…”
Championing New Dads At Work (Edition 3)
This weekly newsletter saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.
Each week I will share content around the Inspiring Dads' 5 Pillars of "Championing New Dads at Work"
These 5 pillars go to the heart of how I help HR leaders support their new dads, enhancing gender equality at home and at work, improving well-being, performance and culture.
The hidden barriers keeping men at work
“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”
BBC REPORT - Paternity leave: The hidden barriers keeping men at work
If you want to understand more about why supporting new dads is the route to gender equality, then you'll need to join me live and for free next Tuesday, 28th June.
"Why do we need to coach dads?”
It's a pretty common question when budgets are tight, maternity leave provision is much more generous and retaining female talent is a pressing issue.
Let these women's words educate you on the pressures faced by dads and positive impacts that coaching can drive...
What pressures did your partner face before starting the coaching?
"Work life balance and a lack of sleep"
"Work life balance, financial implications and being the ‘perfect’ dad"
"A very demanding job and commute, feeling guilty about not seeing enough of me and our son, not feeling as though he was supportive enough of us."
What positive changes have you seen IN HIM as a result of the coaching?
"More conversations about shared responsibility"
"Better mental space, accepting that there is no such thing as a perfect dad, accepting that I would know the kids a little better and how to look after them."
"More open to discussing the difficult topics, more of a team player, more self-awareness."
How have these positive changes improved YOUR life?
"Greater appreciation of what's needed to make us happy as a family of four."
"A lot calmer with the twins, better work life balance, realising that he can do it all."
"We have much more open communication about managing family life and our priorities. I feel like we are sharing the load a lot more which has been a huge relief for me, and I feel much more optimistic about our future as a family"
Join the free webinar next week and learn why we can't just assume that dads are ok, and why supporting new dads at work is the route to gender equality.
Live and for free next Tuesday, 28th June.
The New Dads Accelerator
Our 5 week group course creates safe supportive spaces for "first year fathers", blending online course content with group video calls to learn, reflect and share.
This is what our graduates say:
"A clearer plan of how to pave the way forward."
"I am more resilient and reflective."
"Taking time for myself after a day at work"
"More clarity on holistic management of life with a new child. More oversight of personal and long term goals"
"I would strongly encourage new dads to access The New Dads Accelerator. It provides a focused and fresh approach to the dynamics of fatherhood. I feel lucky to have accessed this course after birth of our second child. My only wish is that I'd accessed the course after the birth of our first."
Patrick, GP Partner in London
Big Careers, Small Children.
Episode 86 of the Leaders Plus Podcast "Big Careers, Small Children" is out now and I join host, Verena Hefti, as we discuss:
"Supporting Dads to Make Brave Decisions, Removing Barriers Around Shared Parental Leave & Why Gender Equality at Home Influences Work "
In this episode we cover
How dads can be brave and go beyond social expectations.
How to deal with the inevitable judgement from yourself and your peers when you challenge expectations.
Gender equality at home and work and how they influence each other.
What organisations can do support dads to take shared parental leave and how to remove barriers.
What men really talk about and why most men are more supportive of change than you might think.
Why when you connect men together to share stories and experiences it’s incredibly powerful.
The one thing every dad can do to move closer to the work/home setup they’d really like.
The huge pressure faced by dads who are the main breadwinner but who also want to be present parents.
Click here to listen:
https://www.leadersplus.org.uk/big-careers-small-children-ian-dinwiddy-inspiring-dads/
"Equal Parental Leave Rights, Enshrined In Law, For All."
It's my vision... writ large here: https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/why
As Joeli Brearley, Founder at Pregnant Then Screwed wrote over the weekend
"Paternity leave in the UK is an embarrassment. 10 measly days for £318. It’s as if people think caring for children is a woman’s job.. ehem.
Today, we are releasing the findings from our survey which show that 1 in 4 dads & non-primary carers don’t even use their full entitlement due to pressure from work & financial issues, and even if they do, a quarter continue working whilst on leave due to pressure from their employer.
Meanwhile, 80% say they don’t have enough time to bond with their baby. They don’t have enough time to get to know their own child. That’s devastating, isn’t it? And as a result, almost half say they experienced a new mental health issue."
Joeli was in parliament yesterday making the case to the House of Lords for dads to get 6 weeks paternity leave paid at 90% of salary as part of the Pregnant Then Screwed campaign - Let’s Talk About Six.
Want to build better?
Join over 100,000 others and sign the Pregnant Then Screwed petition here
"Make parental leave equal for mothers and fathers."
I hope you enjoyed this week's content, feel free to share with your friends and colleagues! and If you have content, an event or an article you think my audience would want to learn about, then do let me know here.
MORE INSPIRATION
Gender diversity is good for the bottom line.
Championing New Dads At Work - Edition 2.
“Companies in the top quartile for gender diversity on executive teams were 25 percent more likely to have above-average profitability… “ and much more
Gender diversity is good for the bottom line.
Championing New Dads At Work (Edition 2)
This weekly newsletter saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.
Each week I will share content around the Inspiring Dads' 5 Pillars of "Championing New Dads at Work"
These 5 pillars go to the heart of how I help HR leaders support their new dads, enhancing gender equality at home and at work, improving well-being, performance and culture.
“Companies in the top quartile for gender diversity on executive teams were 25 percent more likely to have above-average profitability than companies in the fourth quartile”
McKinsey 2019
That's pretty punchy evidence as to why gender diversity is a good for the bottom line.
If you want to understand why supporting new dads is the route to this type of gender diversity return on investment, then you'll need to join me live and for free in our next webinar
A unique book - the first of its kind, Hypnobirthing book for dads.
Hypnobirthing was a big part of our preparation in advance of first becoming parents back in 2010. I can still remember Marie Mongan's tranquil, dulcet tones and breathing exercises.
Now the team at DaddiLife have launched a new book called:
A Positive Birth: The Dad's Guide To Hypnobirthing & Becoming A Confident Birth Partner
Han-Son Lee, Founder of DaddiLife had this to say
"A huge motivation for the book has been to challenge the all too common birth conventions where dads are confined to a passive role when it comes to birth (a chair in the corner is something we hear all too often), alongside the shocking stats that 1 in 3 women experience significant birth trauma which often drives post partum issues later on. A Positive Birth is all about how dads can be true birth advocates for their partners, and we've interviewed over 20 hypnobirthing dads to help other dads on their hypnobirthing journeys and how they've strengthened their relationships with their partners."
Help men to move away from just being "Dad", the person in the corner. You can get your copy here (not an affiliate link)
The New Dads Accelerator
Our 5 week group course creates safe supportive spaces for "first year fathers", blending online course content with group video calls to learn, reflect and share.
This is what our graduates say:
"A clearer plan of how to pave the way forward."
"I am more resilient and reflective."
"Taking time for myself after a day at work"
"More clarity on holistic management of life with a new child. More oversight of personal and long term goals"
"I would strongly encourage new dads to access The New Dads Accelerator. It provides a focused and fresh approach to the dynamics of fatherhood. I feel lucky to have accessed this course after birth of our second child. My only wish is that I'd accessed the course after the birth of our first."
Patrick, GP Partner in London
"Unhappy Father’s Day: the dad-shaped hole in UK postnatal services"
Yesterday the Fatherhood Institute published the fifth in a Contemporary Fathers in the UK series of evidence reviews, funded by the Nuffield Foundation. Packed full of data such as
"Two-year-olds’ cognitive development is better and they display fewer behaviour problems when their father’s early caregiving or play has been frequent, regular, positive in tone or engaged and active."
And...
"New mother’s mental health is poorer when she does not feel supported by her baby’s father or when he is less available at home than other fathers."
It uncovers the 2nd class status of men within maternity system and makes four key recommendations for how policy and services could be improved
including
All tax-funded services and interventions for families in the perinatal period should be commissioned, designed, delivered, promoted and evaluated in ways that recognise fathers’ own need for support... and their impact on children and mothers.
Have a look here:
http://www.fatherhoodinstitute.org/2022/unhappy-fathers-day/
Can you help with a bit of market research?
The team at the excellent Book of Man online platform are looking for people (not just men) to complete a 4 minute survey looking at the portrayal of male caregivers on TV and Screen.
Co founder Mark Sandford posted this on LinkedIn
"A new study by the Geena Davis Institute on gender in media and Equimondo has found that 'male care givers on our TV and film, screens are disproportionally depicted as incompetent, abusive or absent' - which is frankly a dangerous stereotype trope that The Book Of Man is committed to change. Coupled with over 75% of men saying they can't relate to advertising targeting them, we thought it was time to delve a bit deeper and see what you think. The survey below takes the same time as a proper cup of tea to brew (4 minutes), but would really help move the conversation forward."
https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/HN275GK
I hope you enjoyed this week's content, feel free to share with your friends and colleagues! and If you have content, an event or an article you think my audience would want to learn about, then do let me know here.
Photo Credit @sharonmccutcheon via Unsplash
MORE INSPIRATION
Introducing... "Championing New Dads At Work"
Championing New Dads At Work - Edition 1 .
This weekly newsletter provides you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.
Introducing… Championing New Dads At Work
Championing New Dads At Work (Edition 1)
This weekly newsletter saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.
Each week I will share content around the Inspiring Dads' 5 Pillars of "Championing New Dads at Work"
These 5 pillars go to the heart of how I help HR leaders support their new dads, enhancing gender equality at home and at work, improving well-being, performance and culture.
Fathers Day
In the UK, our Fathers Day is fast approaching - Sunday 19th June. Many weeks ago, when I was buying T20 cricket tickets for us and another family to watch Middlesex v Kent at Lords I was surprised to find one of the 4 adult tickets was a fathers day freebie. Winner!
But Fathers Day isn't just about free slog fest cricket tickets, comedy socks or multi packs of craft ales. It's about talking about real dad stuff - the pressures, the emotions and fears. I have four speaking events in the week either side of Fathers Day. One's a panel event where I'm the moderator and a couple are a blend of presentation and interview style - getting real with "a real dad", not that I'm a fake dad of course, but one who doesn't talk about UK Government's Behavioural Insights Team (BIT) research...
The best thing about all of this is that in two examples I'm talking to men to set it up.
This is actually quite a big deal.
The chairs or co-chairs of the "Working Parents Crew" or the "Family and Carers Committee" are inevitably female. Meeting dads who are taking on those roles, while clearly not being ground breaking per se, is a pretty big step forward towards gender equality.
Message from Joeli Brearley, founder of Pregnant Then Screwed
Your support is needed
"DADS (and secondary caregivers), we need 10,000 of you to fill in our survey so we can make a stink about paternity leave. We have the least generous paternity pay in Europe. Paternity leave is so god-damn important but our legislation, and antiquated company policies prevent dads from taking time out to care for their child.
For every month of paternity leave taken by a dad, a mother’s wages rise by 7%. The same can be said for same sex couples, where one is the main carer. If dads spend time with their children in those early days, research shows that families have higher rates of well-being, kids do better in the education system and couples are 40% more likely to stay together.
In collaboration with the Trade Union Congress we are collecting data to better understand what is happening to new dads at work, and what changes you want to see both in terms of policy & workplace practice, so that we can lobby on your behalf.
If you are a dad please fill this in.
If you know a dad please send him the link here:"
Ever felt isolated as a dad?
It's pretty common feeling in my experience, but it doesn't have to be that way, join my friend Jago Brown to talk about fatherhood and isolation on Tuesday June 14th at 6pm UK time.
Equality Starts at Home is a movement for change and are changing outdated stereotypes and expectations about who does the work at home and why.
They want men to join them to talk about their experience of fatherhood and parenting. Help them to guide they work so they can include more men in the conversation.
Email equalitystartsathome@gmail.com to register.
The session includes a guest speaker from the inspirational Dad La Soul joining to talk about all the benefits of Dad's groups, and why and how to get involved.
The Queen of Kings
Yesterday I went live with with Fiona Ross in Episode 7 of her "No More Pea Soup" show. Fiona is "the Queen of Kings", a transformational men's coach, mentor and trusted advisor to high achieving men who, from the outside, appear to have it all; on the inside, their truth is very different.
We covered some important cultural and societal pressures that men and dads face and I talked about what I have learnt about how to support dads, both from my own experience and that of my clients.
#Flexforall
One of the key themes to building a more gender equal society is to embed flexible working opportunities for everyone. When we remove the sense that flexible, remote or part time working is a 'perk for mums', then we go a long way to supporting individual and family choices.
On Tuesday 24th June I was a guest at Parliament for the 1st Annual Working Dad Awards. As part of the event Suffolk County Council presented a case study into how they approached flexible working.
1) They identified 8 types of defined ways of working flexibly.
2) All job adverts had to list all 8 types as being available.
3) The only way to change the job ad was via formal submission
Outcome - 50% of women and 30% of men at Suffolk County Council work part time.
That is massive!
I hope you enjoyed this week's content, feel free to share with your friends and colleagues! and If you have content, an event or an article you think my audience would want to learn about, then do let me know here.
Photo Credit @wildlittlethingsphoto via Unsplash
MORE INSPIRATION
Our charity - 2WishUponAStar.org
Discover why we pledge 1% to 2 Wish Upon A Star
Our Charity 2WishUponAStar.org
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.
Today I remember Paul Burke, the family he should have seen growing up and the life he was supposed to have.
When George Burke suddenly died aged just 1 year old, Rhian and Paul were left to cope by themselves. Paul would be here today if he had had the support he needed and deserved, support that the charity 2 Wish Upon A Star now provides.
“Immediate and ongoing bereavement support for families, individuals and professionals affected by the sudden and traumatic death of a child or young adult aged 25 or under.”
Paul was a good friend of mine and I have proudly supported the charity in private capacity with an annual charity hockey match, involving alumni of University College, London and the broader University of London community and I’m now delighted to support the charity via Inspiring Dads.
The third UN Global Goal for Sustainable Development is “Good Health And Well-Being” and I pledge 1% of Inspiring Dads sales value to help fund the incredibly valuable and important work that Rhian Mannings and her 2wishuponastar team do for families across Wales.
Rhian kindly allowed me to share her words
“I never thought I would be affected by someone taking their own life. It happened to other people. I will never ever come to terms with the fact that Paul walked out and never came home. However, I truly believe I am fortunate to know why. Many never find out why their child, brother, sister, parent or friend took their own life.
To lose someone you love more than words messes with your head and heart beyond words. To lose a child, breaks you beyond description and he couldn't cope. He couldn't cope with what we saw the night we lost George, he couldn't cope with the fact he, as a Daddy, couldn't make George better and following his death, make us feel better.
What I do know is that support at the time of George's death did not exist. When George was born we had so much support from so many agencies and professionals but after our beautiful boy died - NOTHING!!! If Paul had received support I believe he would be here today watching his children grow up.
That is why 2 Wish Upon A Star is so important. That is why reaching out to people at the most difficult times is important. By being there for those who need and deserve support I hope we can prevent another Daddy (or Mummy) walking out and never coming home!!!!!! xxx”
We're all back?
I'm back,
We're all 'back'? Back in the office? Back to school?
We’re all back?
I'm back,
We're all 'back'?
Back in the office?
Back to school?
Back to the coffee shop - which is where I'm typing this - hello Bromley...
Back to coordinating kids activities, car shares and trying to maintain some sanity.
and most importantly trying to be kind to ourselves, "good enough is good enough".
Our daughter Freya is only 4 days into secondary school and I know it will get easier, but thinking about the new tech, calendars, and working out how to be in 2 places at once is draining.
Of course the summer holidays went too quickly in a whirlwind of 'staycation' breaks, some child care and trying not to neglect the kids while keeping on top of the Inspiring Dads mission.
Two particular highlights for me - watching our daughter dance with the local English Youth Ballet performance of Swan Lake and taking our son to Crystal Palace's first full capacity Premier League home match since March 2020.
I don't think I'll ever underestimate the sheer joy and connection that comes from in-person, mass events, long may they continue to be safe enough.
Here are some work highlights I wanted to share since I last wrote.
Finalising the first licensing of The New Dads Accelerator course content.
Co-presenting at Aberdeen Energy Industry's Axis Network webinar - "Why Men’s Work Life Balance Matters to Everyone" (and smashing industry standard engagement and attendance percentages)
Running a two hour live in person (!) workshop for management consultants
How to use ‘DISC’ personality preferences to fast track your influencing and collaboration skills
Plus planning events for a eclectic mix of clients ranging from Ralph Lauren to Credit Suisse and NHS commissioning groups in in Wiltshire and Essex
Busy is good right?
--------
The Lockdown Dads Podcast
If you are back on the commute, now is a perfect time to explore the 46 Lockdown Dads podcast episodes James Millar and I recorded over the last 15 months.
You can listen or watch a variety of fascinating guests including
CBeebies presenter - Nigel Clarke (Ep32)
Scottish Conservative Party leader - Douglas Ross (Ep7)
Coldplay drummer - Will Champion (Ep35)
and for political balance...
former Labour MP James Frith (Ep4)
All the links to listen or watch here:
https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads
Photo Credit Jen Theodore via Unsplash @jentheodore
Ian Dinwiddy, Founder
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A new generation of dads wants be an active and involved parent and thrive at work - and this represents a major opportunity for families, the workplace and society.