What is the Business Case for Enhanced Parental Leave?

In this is article we explore these 3 key areas:

✅ Improves Employee Retention and Recruitment.

✅ Boosts Productivity and Engagement

✅ Supports Gender Equality Goals.

Why Is Enhanced Parental Leave More Important Than Ever?

In this post I’ll be examining how enhanced parental leave policies benefit UK businesses from an economic and cultural standpoint. But, before we get into the details of benefits for companies, let’s first explore what we mean by ‘Enhanced Parental Leave’ and then look at the big picture benefits for societies and families.

a) What is ‘Enhanced Parental Leave.’

The statutory requirements in the UK are very modest, amongst the worst in Europe…

Maternity Leave

“Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP) for eligible employees can be paid for up to 39 weeks, usually as follows:

• the first 6 weeks: 90% of their average weekly earnings (AWE) before tax

• the remaining 33 weeks: £184.03 or 90% of their AWE (whichever is lower)”

https://www.gov.uk/employers-maternity-pay-leave

Paternity leave

“Employees can choose to take either 1 week or 2 consecutive weeks’ leave…

Statutory Paternity Pay for eligible employees is either £184.03 a week or 90% of their average weekly earnings (whichever is lower). Tax and National Insurance need to be deducted.”

https://www.gov.uk/employers-paternity-pay-leave

Shared Parental Leave

In 2015, the UK introduced a shared parental leave policy allowing eligible parents to split up to 50 weeks of leave and up to 37 weeks of pay between them. This pay is at the statutory rates describes above.

The answer in literal terms: Enhanced Parental Leave could be anything above these Statutory levels.

1 week at 50% of pay would, for many men, be an enhancement to their current pay.

Not all enhanced leave is equal

The Inspiring Dads’ Parental Leave Database highlights organisations with:

• Equal Leave - the same leave regardless of how you become a parent.

• Equal Via SPL – where the shared parental leave pay and length of time matches maternity leave time and pay.

• 6 weeks for Dad – leave that matches an organisation’s paternity leave with the statutory maternity provision.

b) The Macro-economic benefits

A Pregnant Then Screwed and Centre for Progressive Policy report in 2023  found that countries with more than six weeks of paid paternity leave have a 4% smaller gender wage gap and 3.7% smaller labour force participation gap. Their analysis also suggested that closing gender employment gaps could increase economic output by £23 billion.

In findings of a similar vein, the World Economic Forum's Global Gender Gap Report 2022 found that 80% of the gender pay gap was driven by Maternity leave. Leave is important for the well being of mothers and babies alike, but inequalities in the length of leave can entrench societal norms, reducing choice and the fuelling the gender pay gap.

c) Societal shift

The Pregnant Then Screwed and Centre for Progressive Policy report also found that just 18% of Brits think 2 weeks paternity leave or less is enough, but one in five (22%) dads and partners that are eligible for paternity leave take no leave at all.

Why would dads not be taking leave? When, according to the research from Zurich of 1,000 new dads, three quarters said they’d like to take up to 12 weeks off work at this time?

d) Because paternity leave doesn’t pay

Crucially it’s about finances.

As Tom Cruise’s character once said – “Show me the money!”

The Fatherhood Institute asked “What price for time with dad?” and calculated that a full-time employed father in the UK, on average earnings, can lose £1,021.04 when they take two weeks of statutory paternity leave.

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The Business Case

1) Improves Employee Retention and Recruitment 

• Research by Working Families and Bright Horizons shows that 48% of UK parents who have access to enhanced parental leave report higher job satisfaction and engagement, contributing to better long-term employee performance.

• Bright Horizons found that 80% of UK employees feel more committed to their employer if they have access to flexible family-friendly policies, including enhanced parental leave.

• In this article, Flexa look at why parental leave so important, and how does it benefit both employees and businesses?

  “Enhanced parental leave policies contribute to higher employee retention rates and create loyalty among employees. When companies provide ample time off for new parents, it shows that they value their employees' well-being and support their life outside of work. This can lead to increased job satisfaction and a stronger commitment to the company”.

• Meanwhile Zurich talked to dads and discovered that:

“when looking for a new role, 43% of new dads look for paid paternity leave above bonus (42%) and salary (27%)”, which isn’t surprising when the same data showed that “of those that take no time at all, seven out of 10 can’t afford to”, while “a third of new dads were forced to take holiday while 12% resorted to unpaid leave in order to spend time with their new babies.”

2) Boosts Productivity and Engagement

Lisa S. Kaplowitz and Kate Mangino

• The CIPD found that companies offering enhanced parental leave see improved mental health and well-being among returning employees, leading to higher productivity and lower absenteeism.

• Further nuggets from the Pregnant Then Screwed and Centre for Progressive Policy report:

  “We find that a woman’s partner taking parental leave is associated with a 34% increase in the likelihood of a woman being physically able to return to work”

• Lisa S. Kaplowitz and Kate Mangino, researching at Rutgers University identified a wide range of workplace skills that are developed through the process of care giving. Find out more in the HBR article “Caregiver Employees Bring Unique Value to Companies”

3) Supports Gender Equality Goals

• The Fawcett Society, the UK’s leading membership charity campaign for gender equality and women’s rights at work, at home and in public life is seeking government to introduce a dedicated period of leave for fathers “paid closer to replacement earnings rate. Current shared parental leave legislation is welcome, but too few fathers will be able to take it.”

• PWC’s Women in Work 2023 Report highlighted that:

  “In 2021, the OECD found the motherhood penalty accounted for 60% of the gender pay gap across 25 European countries, with factors… In Northern and Western European countries, the motherhood penalty accounted for 75% of the gender pay gap.”

• Research by McKinsey (2020) showed that companies with a strong focus on diversity and inclusion, including robust parental leave policies, are 25% more likely to have above-average profitability, driven by diverse leadership teams that enhance innovation and decision-making.

Bonus reason - Reputational Kudos.

Man on LinkedIn posts sleep deprived picture with his baby. He thanks his employer for the opportunity to take 3 months leave. The comments blow up, the organic reach is astronomical. I notice and the employer makes it into the database

In Conclusion

Creating opportunities for your new parents to access well paid extended parental leave, regardless of how they become parents is being increasingly seen as a core part of the employee benefit offer.

As at 1st August 2025, The Inspiring Dads’ Parental Leave Database captures over 385 UK organisations.

👏 139 Equal Parental Leave offers,

👏 65 of which are at least 26 weeks full pay (see graphic)

👏 A further 87 organisations equalising Shared Parental Leave offer with Maternity leave.

👏 203 organisations in the UK who offer 6 weeks full pay for dads (ringfenced, not hidden within Shared Parental Leave)

The reason those numbers are rising every month is laid out in the evidence above - enhanced and equal parental leave positively impact employee retention, productivity, diversity, and long-term business growth in the UK. Crucially a fairer, better society has to include equality at choice around caring responsibilities. It’s the route to gender equality.  

Campaign to Make Things Better:

PS If you think that Men don’t Want to Take Leave?

Stats around the low update of shared parental leave paint a picture that could easily be misinterpreted but when organisations get the culture and pay ‘right’ and remove the issue of transferring leave men will take the leave they are entitled to.

• Two thirds of new dads at Zurich UK took their full 80 days paternity leave in 2023.

• 80% of men Aviva have taken at least five months out of work when a new child arrives, and 79% of men have taken over five months for subsequent births

Extra Resources

If you are considering introducing an Equal Parental Leave policy, here is a brilliant guide from Business In The Community which explores costs, benefits and tips for successful implementation. Plus see measurement tips and tricks from Careers After Babies.

Photo Credit Vitolda Klein @little_klein via Unsplash

More Parental Leave posts

Paternity leave in finance: ‘The more men do it, the less of a big deal it becomes’

Paternity leave in finance: ‘The more men do it, the less of a big deal it becomes’

Make no mistake, it's a pleasure to talk all things Dads and contributing to Emma Jacobs's piece in the Financial Times was no exception.

It's a fascinating read, that uses the words of dads in financial services and law to illustrate both the positive and negative experiences of accessing extended leave and the disconnect that can exist between policy and culture, especially the gatekeeping experience that ‘Adam’ was subjected to.

The world is changing fast, and organisations can’t just rely on ‘dinosaurs’ dying out to get a grip on organisation culture. Gender equality initiatives that focus largely or solely on mother’s experiences and challenges are likely to merely reinforce societal and workplace assumptions about the role of working mums and working dads alike.

As a female, former colleague of my wife once said:

“When I first met Lisa, I didn’t think she had children, because I didn’t think a mum could do this job.”

It’s only when we see that men are as equally likely to seek out and access extended leave as women, that society, the workplace, and families will make meaningful progress towards equality both at home and in the workplace.

The evidence that Emma lays out from businesses with great parental leave policies and a joined-up culture is that men will absolutely take the leave they are offered and that “can make them more committed to an equal workforce.”

But never underestimate the line manager effect, it’s striking how many of the men Emma interviewed cited the support of their managers, matching my own coaching experience and how Adam’s negative experience was framed as being unmanly and that looking after children was his wife’s ‘job’.

My contributions

Ian Dinwiddy, a coach and founder of Inspiring Dads which supports fathers in the workplace, observes a domino effect, as more companies overcome worries about “cost [and having] to cover the leave”, forcing others to compete.

Dinwiddy says ringfenced leave — which is not shared between a couple — encourages fathers to take it. “Because [shared leave] is a choice — men have to opt in and that comes with fear of being seen as uncommitted.” There is also safety in numbers, he says. “If men think other men are going to take it, they will too.”

Further Reading

BBC July 21, “Paternity leave, the hidden barriers keeping men at work.”

“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”

The Behavioural Insights Team working with Santander UK found that

‘Simply telling men that their peers support parental leave and flexible working, increases their intention to share care.’ ‘Men thought that roughly 65% of their peers would encourage male colleagues to work flexibly, while in reality 99% would do so.’

Sharing this positive news changed attitudes, defeating the myth that men don’t support each other’s desire to be active and involved fathers.

More New Dad content

Men DO want Parental Leave and Flexible Working

“Simply telling men that their peers support parental leave and flexible working, increases their intention to share care."

An amazing headline from The Behavioural Insights Team. The key idea behind the research was the concept of "pluralistic ignorance."

"the tendency of people to hold a particular opinion privately while mistakenly believing the majority of people disagree with that opinion. For example, if men mistakenly think that their colleagues and managers would disapprove if they worked flexibly, then they avoid doing so, anticipating negative social and career repercussions."

Despite the pandemic creating a sea change in men's attitude towards flexible and remote working, the fear of being seen as "uncommitted" runs deep.

How powerful would it be for individuals, families and business culture to know that your peers actually support your decision to take leave or work flexibly?

Some key takeaways... from the Santander UK example

👍 Survey respondents would encourage men they work with to take 8 weeks of leave, BUT thought their male colleagues would only encourage around 6 weeks.

👍 Men thought that roughly 65% of their peers would encourage male colleagues to work flexibly, while in reality 99% would do so.

Sharing the baseline survey attitudes with a new cohort of men lead to a step change in intention...

👍 "We saw a 62% increase in the proportion of men intending to take 5-8 weeks of leave in the group that received feedback."

(The average level of leave taken was 4 weeks.)

Extended parental leave, flexible and remote working is good for mental health, equality at home and equality at work and all those benefits could be just a small step away.

Does Fatherhood Deserve To Be Put On A Pedestal?

Does Fatherhood Deserve To Be Put On A Pedestal?

It’s an intriguing question raised by this Tweet from The Feminist Barrister

“Men who do half of the household chores, take care of the baby, pay their way, do emotional labour, are not special, they don't deserve a pat on the back, it should be normal.”

She has a point, in a world of gender inequalities at home and at work, the idea of eulogising dads for doing the very same things that, at best, pass as unnoticed when mums do them, can feel perverse, if not downright disrespectful.

But the word that caught my eye was ‘SHOULD’.

I totally agreed. It SHOULD be normal, but I think there’s a lot of merit in exploring why it might not be ‘normal’ and what we can do to normalise the type of active and involved fatherhood that everyone benefits from.

I’ll come right out with it; I think we do need to put fatherhood on a ‘pedestal’ - at least under some circumstances.

In my line of work, I’m always thinking of ways to help my dads’ work out how to balance work and fatherhood, to solve the challenge of “How to be a great dad, without sacrificing a great career,” and, crucially to recognise and address the barriers that stop dads being “the father they don’t remember growing up.”

I created a poll on LinkedIn and asked

How should society treat involved, equal fathers?

You can join the conversation here.

My options were

1.    Celebrate Them

2.    Ignore Them

3.    It’s Complicated

There were a couple of great builds from Katie “Normalise It” and Elliot “Support Them.”

Frustration

Alison expressed her frustration at the unequal nature of expectations:

“Do we celebrate women today who do all this and more? It should just be normal to share chores, take part in family life and more. We can show our appreciation individually. It just reminds me when my husband does something we all have to be in awe when I seem to do that stuff day in day out 😂 no celebration. No badges of honor.”

While Emma echoed the sense of disrespecting women by celebrating men.

“ 'celebrate' them seems a little insulting to the women who do this day in day out and don't get it recognised let alone celebrated. But yes, definitely support them is the right way to approach this, so it becomes normal for all.”

Normalising

Normalising was also important to Lizzie who talked about positively reinforcing the behaviour we want to see. While Venise talked wrote about “normalizing normal, until it IS "normal”

Social Expectations

Sean picked out the importance of social and family barriers, as well as the importance of encouraging pioneers who want to change how society has told them they should be.

In my mind, this is the crucial part…

With the ONS reporting in July 22 that 83.9% of men are working full time v 38.4% of women, we can’t divorce what men do domestically, from what they are ‘expected’ or perceived to be expected to do at work.

“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”

Paternity leave, the hidden barriers keeping men at work.

And this cuts both ways…

“When I first met Lisa, I didn’t think she had kids, because I didn’t think a mum could do this job”

Gender Judgement

And spills over into judgement about men who don’t work. As Laura talks about her husband

"I've lost count of the comments he gets about the fact he is not undertaking paid work while he cares for the children. He is also sadly still one of the only men at many parent events and has been since the kids were babies at play groups."

Unhelpful judgements are everywhere

·      Mums ‘damaging’ their children if they are in nursery too early or for too long.

·      But ‘damaging’ them if they don’t have the social exposure to childcare settings.

·      Talking about nursery fees in the context of mum’s income rather than family income.

·      ‘Lazy’ SAHD dads who aren’t providing and get treated with suspicion.

The truth is that society’s bar for ‘good’ fatherhood is set too low and too narrow to the detriment of too many, while I think the opposite is true for motherhood.

What is normal?

“Men who do half of the household chores… it should be normal”

Frances Cushway and I explore the complexity what ‘normal’ looks like for individuals and relationships in our webinar

“The Home Contract – Managing Second Shift and Mental Load Challenges”

When we think about household chores, it is often through the prism of second shift activities and in that regard, research suggests that in heterosexual relationships, doing half isn’t normal and it also depends on what the task is.

Doing half is much more than the second shift, we also need to consider the mental load, the hidden, often unseen, emotional and cognitive labour.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

Building Pedestals at work

In a world dominated by damaging gender expectations, 2 weeks of statutory paternity leave (and nothing for the self-employed) and the fear of being seen as uncommitted at work, we absolutely do need to put fatherhood on a pedestal and celebrate and support dads who seek to normalise the domestic equality that we need in society.

No, I don’t think we should be handing out participation medals at home, but in the workplace celebrating fatherhood really matters if we are to reframe the conversation about parenting and ‘commitment’ and improve gender equality in the workplace.

Workplaces need to use policies such as equalised parental leave as an enabler to drive culture change. To encourage and support dads to take extended leave, to work flexibly or part time and to build the skills, experience and empathy that solo parenting inevitably brings.  

When fear, circumstances or expectation prevent dads from seeking out extended parental leave or flexible working it reinforces the idea that caring responsibilities are only for women and frequently we end up with domestic inequalities that manifest themselves as a two-speed race at work where some runners face very different hurdles to success.

 Conclusion.

Let’s go back to the premise - does fatherhood deserve to be put on a pedestal?

My view, absolutely at work.  #Equalitystartsathome, but the foundation for that equality is built by the culture in the workplace.

When we celebrate active and involved fatherhood at work and support new dads through maternity and beyond, we break the reality and perception of a two-speed system and start to remove the fatherhood fear that so that so many dads worry about.  

"Simply telling men that their peers support parental leave and flexible working, increases their intention to share care." 

The Behavioural Insights Team

Your next steps…

Contact me to discover our range of webinars and workshops or to talk about coaching support for new dads.

Join my next free webinar "Why Supporting New Dads At Work Is the Route to Gender Equality", on Tuesday 24th January

PS Why not connect and follow some of those, whose wisdom and insight, I have tapped into here.

Elliott Rae Laura McCambridge Lizzie Martin PCC Alison Main Emma Banister Sean Coffin Frances Cushway Katie Tucker K. Venise Vinegar Dorothy Dalton Daniel Bailey (Assoc CIPD)

"Supporting Dads to Make Brave Decisions..."

“Supporting Dads To Make Brave Decisions…”

Championing New Dads At Work (Edition 3)

This weekly newsletter saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.

Each week I will share content around the Inspiring Dads' 5 Pillars of "Championing New Dads at Work"

These 5 pillars go to the heart of how I help HR leaders support their new dads, enhancing gender equality at home and at work, improving well-being, performance and culture.

The hidden barriers keeping men at work

“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”

BBC REPORT - Paternity leave: The hidden barriers keeping men at work

If you want to understand more about why supporting new dads is the route to gender equality, then you'll need to join me live and for free next Tuesday, 28th June.

"Why do we need to coach dads?”

It's a pretty common question when budgets are tight, maternity leave provision is much more generous and retaining female talent is a pressing issue.

Let these women's words educate you on the pressures faced by dads and positive impacts that coaching can drive...

What pressures did your partner face before starting the coaching?

• "Work life balance and a lack of sleep"

• "Work life balance, financial implications and being the ‘perfect’ dad"

• "A very demanding job and commute, feeling guilty about not seeing enough of me and our son, not feeling as though he was supportive enough of us."

What positive changes have you seen IN HIM as a result of the coaching?

• "More conversations about shared responsibility"

• "Better mental space, accepting that there is no such thing as a perfect dad, accepting that I would know the kids a little better and how to look after them."

• "More open to discussing the difficult topics, more of a team player, more self-awareness."

How have these positive changes improved YOUR life?

• "Greater appreciation of what's needed to make us happy as a family of four."

• "A lot calmer with the twins, better work life balance, realising that he can do it all."

• "We have much more open communication about managing family life and our priorities. I feel like we are sharing the load a lot more which has been a huge relief for me, and I feel much more optimistic about our future as a family"

Join the free webinar next week and learn why we can't just assume that dads are ok, and why supporting new dads at work is the route to gender equality.

Live and for free next Tuesday, 28th June.

The New Dads Accelerator

Our 5 week group course creates safe supportive spaces for "first year fathers", blending online course content with group video calls to learn, reflect and share.

This is what our graduates say:

"A clearer plan of how to pave the way forward."

"I am more resilient and reflective."

"Taking time for myself after a day at work"

"More clarity on holistic management of life with a new child. More oversight of personal and long term goals"

"I would strongly encourage new dads to access The New Dads Accelerator. It provides a focused and fresh approach to the dynamics of fatherhood. I feel lucky to have accessed this course after birth of our second child. My only wish is that I'd accessed the course after the birth of our first."

Patrick, GP Partner in London

https://courses.inspiringdads.co.uk/

Big Careers, Small Children.

Episode 86 of the Leaders Plus Podcast "Big Careers, Small Children" is out now and I join host, Verena Hefti, as we discuss:

"Supporting Dads to Make Brave Decisions, Removing Barriers Around Shared Parental Leave & Why Gender Equality at Home Influences Work "

In this episode we cover

• How dads can be brave and go beyond social expectations.

• How to deal with the inevitable judgement from yourself and your peers when you challenge expectations.

• Gender equality at home and work and how they influence each other.

• What organisations can do support dads to take shared parental leave and how to remove barriers.

• What men really talk about and why most men are more supportive of change than you might think.

• Why when you connect men together to share stories and experiences it’s incredibly powerful.

• The one thing every dad can do to move closer to the work/home setup they’d really like.

• The huge pressure faced by dads who are the main breadwinner but who also want to be present parents.

Click here to listen:

https://www.leadersplus.org.uk/big-careers-small-children-ian-dinwiddy-inspiring-dads/

"Equal Parental Leave Rights, Enshrined In Law, For All."

It's my vision... writ large here: https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/why

As Joeli Brearley, Founder at Pregnant Then Screwed wrote over the weekend

"Paternity leave in the UK is an embarrassment. 10 measly days for £318. It’s as if people think caring for children is a woman’s job.. ehem.

Today, we are releasing the findings from our survey which show that 1 in 4 dads & non-primary carers don’t even use their full entitlement due to pressure from work & financial issues, and even if they do, a quarter continue working whilst on leave due to pressure from their employer.

Meanwhile, 80% say they don’t have enough time to bond with their baby. They don’t have enough time to get to know their own child. That’s devastating, isn’t it? And as a result, almost half say they experienced a new mental health issue."

Joeli was in parliament yesterday making the case to the House of Lords for dads to get 6 weeks paternity leave paid at 90% of salary as part of the Pregnant Then Screwed campaign - Let’s Talk About Six.

Want to build better?

Join over 100,000 others and sign the Pregnant Then Screwed petition here

https://lnkd.in/ezhSjTM

"Make parental leave equal for mothers and fathers."

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I hope you enjoyed this week's content, feel free to share with your friends and colleagues! and If you have content, an event or an article you think my audience would want to learn about, then do let me know here.

MORE INSPIRATION

Gender diversity is good for the bottom line.

Gender diversity is good for the bottom line.

Championing New Dads At Work (Edition 2)

This weekly newsletter saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.

Each week I will share content around the Inspiring Dads' 5 Pillars of "Championing New Dads at Work"

These 5 pillars go to the heart of how I help HR leaders support their new dads, enhancing gender equality at home and at work, improving well-being, performance and culture.

“Companies in the top quartile for gender diversity on executive teams were 25 percent more likely to have above-average profitability than companies in the fourth quartile”

McKinsey 2019

That's pretty punchy evidence as to why gender diversity is a good for the bottom line.

If you want to understand why supporting new dads is the route to this type of gender diversity return on investment, then you'll need to join me live and for free in our next webinar

A unique book - the first of its kind, Hypnobirthing book for dads.

Hypnobirthing was a big part of our preparation in advance of first becoming parents back in 2010. I can still remember Marie Mongan's tranquil, dulcet tones and breathing exercises.

Now the team at DaddiLife have launched a new book called:

A Positive Birth: The Dad's Guide To Hypnobirthing & Becoming A Confident Birth Partner

Han-Son Lee, Founder of DaddiLife had this to say

"A huge motivation for the book has been to challenge the all too common birth conventions where dads are confined to a passive role when it comes to birth (a chair in the corner is something we hear all too often), alongside the shocking stats that 1 in 3 women experience significant birth trauma which often drives post partum issues later on. A Positive Birth is all about how dads can be true birth advocates for their partners, and we've interviewed over 20 hypnobirthing dads to help other dads on their hypnobirthing journeys and how they've strengthened their relationships with their partners."

Help men to move away from just being "Dad", the person in the corner. You can get your copy here (not an affiliate link)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1739884140/

The New Dads Accelerator

Our 5 week group course creates safe supportive spaces for "first year fathers", blending online course content with group video calls to learn, reflect and share.

This is what our graduates say:

"A clearer plan of how to pave the way forward."

"I am more resilient and reflective."

"Taking time for myself after a day at work"

"More clarity on holistic management of life with a new child. More oversight of personal and long term goals"

"I would strongly encourage new dads to access The New Dads Accelerator. It provides a focused and fresh approach to the dynamics of fatherhood. I feel lucky to have accessed this course after birth of our second child. My only wish is that I'd accessed the course after the birth of our first."

Patrick, GP Partner in London

https://courses.inspiringdads.co.uk/

"Unhappy Father’s Day: the dad-shaped hole in UK postnatal services"

Yesterday the Fatherhood Institute published the fifth in a Contemporary Fathers in the UK series of evidence reviews, funded by the Nuffield Foundation. Packed full of data such as

"Two-year-olds’ cognitive development is better and they display fewer behaviour problems when their father’s early caregiving or play has been frequent, regular, positive in tone or engaged and active."

And...

"New mother’s mental health is poorer when she does not feel supported by her baby’s father or when he is less available at home than other fathers."

It uncovers the 2nd class status of men within maternity system and makes four key recommendations for how policy and services could be improved

including

All tax-funded services and interventions for families in the perinatal period should be commissioned, designed, delivered, promoted and evaluated in ways that recognise fathers’ own need for support... and their impact on children and mothers.
Have a look here:

http://www.fatherhoodinstitute.org/2022/unhappy-fathers-day/

Can you help with a bit of market research?

The team at the excellent Book of Man online platform are looking for people (not just men) to complete a 4 minute survey looking at the portrayal of male caregivers on TV and Screen.

Co founder Mark Sandford posted this on LinkedIn

"A new study by the Geena Davis Institute on gender in media and Equimondo has found that 'male care givers on our TV and film, screens are disproportionally depicted as incompetent, abusive or absent' - which is frankly a dangerous stereotype trope that The Book Of Man is committed to change. Coupled with over 75% of men saying they can't relate to advertising targeting them, we thought it was time to delve a bit deeper and see what you think. The survey below takes the same time as a proper cup of tea to brew (4 minutes), but would really help move the conversation forward."

https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/HN275GK

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I hope you enjoyed this week's content, feel free to share with your friends and colleagues! and If you have content, an event or an article you think my audience would want to learn about, then do let me know here.

Photo Credit @sharonmccutcheon via Unsplash

MORE INSPIRATION

Introducing... "Championing New Dads At Work"

Introducing… Championing New Dads At Work

Championing New Dads At Work (Edition 1)

This weekly newsletter saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.

Each week I will share content around the Inspiring Dads' 5 Pillars of "Championing New Dads at Work"

These 5 pillars go to the heart of how I help HR leaders support their new dads, enhancing gender equality at home and at work, improving well-being, performance and culture.

Fathers Day

In the UK, our Fathers Day is fast approaching - Sunday 19th June. Many weeks ago, when I was buying T20 cricket tickets for us and another family to watch Middlesex v Kent at Lords I was surprised to find one of the 4 adult tickets was a fathers day freebie. Winner!

But Fathers Day isn't just about free slog fest cricket tickets, comedy socks or multi packs of craft ales. It's about talking about real dad stuff - the pressures, the emotions and fears. I have four speaking events in the week either side of Fathers Day. One's a panel event where I'm the moderator and a couple are a blend of presentation and interview style - getting real with "a real dad", not that I'm a fake dad of course, but one who doesn't talk about UK Government's Behavioural Insights Team (BIT) research...

The best thing about all of this is that in two examples I'm talking to men to set it up.

This is actually quite a big deal.

The chairs or co-chairs of the "Working Parents Crew" or the "Family and Carers Committee" are inevitably female. Meeting dads who are taking on those roles, while clearly not being ground breaking per se, is a pretty big step forward towards gender equality.

Message from Joeli Brearley, founder of Pregnant Then Screwed

Your support is needed

"DADS (and secondary caregivers), we need 10,000 of you to fill in our survey so we can make a stink about paternity leave. We have the least generous paternity pay in Europe. Paternity leave is so god-damn important but our legislation, and antiquated company policies prevent dads from taking time out to care for their child.

For every month of paternity leave taken by a dad, a mother’s wages rise by 7%. The same can be said for same sex couples, where one is the main carer. If dads spend time with their children in those early days, research shows that families have higher rates of well-being, kids do better in the education system and couples are 40% more likely to stay together.

In collaboration with the Trade Union Congress we are collecting data to better understand what is happening to new dads at work, and what changes you want to see both in terms of policy & workplace practice, so that we can lobby on your behalf.

If you are a dad please fill this in.

If you know a dad please send him the link here:"

https://pregnantthenscrewed.typeform.com/dadsurvey

Ever felt isolated as a dad?

It's pretty common feeling in my experience, but it doesn't have to be that way, join my friend Jago Brown to talk about fatherhood and isolation on Tuesday June 14th at 6pm UK time.

Equality Starts at Home is a movement for change and are changing outdated stereotypes and expectations about who does the work at home and why.

They want men to join them to talk about their experience of fatherhood and parenting. Help them to guide they work so they can include more men in the conversation.

Email equalitystartsathome@gmail.com to register.

The session includes a guest speaker from the inspirational Dad La Soul joining to talk about all the benefits of Dad's groups, and why and how to get involved.

The Queen of Kings

Yesterday I went live with with Fiona Ross in Episode 7 of her "No More Pea Soup" show. Fiona is "the Queen of Kings", a transformational men's coach, mentor and trusted advisor to high achieving men who, from the outside, appear to have it all; on the inside, their truth is very different.

We covered some important cultural and societal pressures that men and dads face and I talked about what I have learnt about how to support dads, both from my own experience and that of my clients.

Watch or listen here.

#Flexforall

One of the key themes to building a more gender equal society is to embed flexible working opportunities for everyone. When we remove the sense that flexible, remote or part time working is a 'perk for mums', then we go a long way to supporting individual and family choices.

On Tuesday 24th June I was a guest at Parliament for the 1st Annual Working Dad Awards. As part of the event Suffolk County Council presented a case study into how they approached flexible working.

1) They identified 8 types of defined ways of working flexibly.  
2) All job adverts had to list all 8 types as being available.
3) The only way to change the job ad was via formal submission

Outcome -  50% of women and 30% of men at Suffolk County Council work part time.

That is massive!

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I hope you enjoyed this week's content, feel free to share with your friends and colleagues! and If you have content, an event or an article you think my audience would want to learn about, then do let me know here.

Photo Credit @wildlittlethingsphoto via Unsplash

MORE INSPIRATION

5 Practical Tips to cope with the Impact of Fatherhood

Practical Impacts of Fatherhood aka “You don't know what you don't know”

Becoming a dad for the first time can be tough, it doesn’t matter how many books you read you can’t know or be prepared for everything.

This blog post walks you through 5 common practical impacts of fatherhood and gives you tips to navigate your way.

·         Sleep Deprivation

·         Social Life

·         Discrimination

·         Money

·         Mental Health

1) Sleep Deprivation

Did you know that babies aren't considered physically able to sleep through the night until they are at least 6 months old? Sure, you can get lucky - our first, Freya was an amazing sleeper, but she screamed all day due to her reflux!

While our babies can’t prioritise sleep, adults have a lot more control, but sometimes sleeping doesn’t appear to be a good use of our time and there is a danger that you put your entertainment time ahead of sleep in the evenings. Yes, we all need to unwind, but allowing that to eat into sleep time is going to counterproductive. 

Consider my client Andy's observation:

"If you can prioritise you and your partners ability to sleep then a lot of the other things fall into place, it makes the hard stuff easier with a clear head.  If you're both sleep deprived, it makes even the minor issues trigger points for disagreement."

While the excellent and thought-provoking book Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker reminds us of the importance of sleep.

"It enhances your memory, makes you more attractive. It keeps you slim and lowers food cravings. It protects you from cancer and dementia. It wards off colds and flu. It lowers your risk of heart attacks and stroke, not to mention diabetes. You’ll even feel happier, less depressed, and less anxious."

2) Social Life (or not)

Photo Credit: @alevisionco via Unsplash

New parents’ lack of social life is a cliché for a reason. Life has changed, it won't be forever, but always remember that babies do not respect a hangover.

You need to think about three things

• "Putting your oxygen mask on first"

• Is it fair?

• Time together

You need to look after yourself to be able look after other people. As they say when you fly, put your own oxygen mask on first. It's important to understand what social life / hobbies you need to stay happy and grounded. Then talk to your partner about how to arrange it and fit it in.

Think about fairness too. 

When is your partner getting a break? Are you facilitating that process? If your partner says they don't want to do anything social, do you take the easy way out and stop asking or do you do everything you can to give them their own space? It can be very easy for new mums to put everyone else's needs first; part of your ‘job’ is to make sure that doesn't happen.

Consider the impact if you're pursuing your hobbies and social life and your partner isn't. It's a sure-fire way to create serious relationship tension.

Time together

It can be tricky in the early days to get time together away from your baby, but even if it's just for a few hours, while someone covers a nap, I guarantee the feeling of being partners and not just parents can be amazing if you let it. 

Don't worry if you find yourself using that time to talk about your baby, we all do it!

Most importantly social life as a new parent requires planning and communication to ensure everyone gets the time "off" that they need, plus I think it's important to recognise and embrace how friendship groups change. You are going to find yourself becoming mates with the dads of your children's friends, embrace it!

3) Discrimination

There are split views on this – the TUC found a fatherhood bonus with dads getting promoted / earning more once they are fathers. Yet there is also research by remote meeting tech firm PowWowNow finding that dads also experience discrimination if they take time off to look after children:

👉 44% of fathers experienced discrimination in the workplace after exercising their right to take time off to look after their child. 

👉 1 in 4 fathers suffered verbal abuse or mockery after taking time off to look after their children.

It’s really tough to be a woman though

Pregnant Then Screwed stats on pregnancy discrimination are eye opening and the combination of potential discrimination against any parent is particularly hard on dual income couples who both want to be active parents and have great careers.

Being clear on your priorities as an individual and as a family is key here. It might be tricky, but forging the right path for you will make you happier in the long run!

4) Money

Having a baby typically leads to more outgoings v potentially less income, you can quickly move from being a ‘DINKY’ couple (Dual Income No Kids Yet) into a ‘SITCOM’ (Single Income Two Children and Oppressive Mortgage).

But it’s no laughing matter if you aren’t prepared.

Do a budget, understand where all your money goes and what are needs and what are nice to haves. Additionally, you should have honest conversations about how you share income. Joint account or allowances? Whose income pays for what or is it all in one shared account?

It’s important to discuss money challenges because they are the number 1 reason marriages fail.  

5) Mental Health

Mental health challenges in new dads are really common – the NCT report that “the number of men who become depressed in the first year after becoming a dad is double that of the general population.”

It’s not surprising when the focus is naturally on mum and baby, and it can feel really important to be strong and supportive for them. It can also be difficult to open up to those close to you, especially if you are not used to it or aren’t comfortable being vulnerable with friends and family.

But it matters. Talking to someone can be life changing or lifesaving, because it’s tough being pulled in different directions.

Photo Credit: @picsea via Unsplash

Men’s Emotional Mental Health & Miscarriage

Freya is nearly 12 and Struan nearly 9, but in common with so many couples, we experienced miscarriages. Our first and third pregnancies ended in early term miscarriage. In this important guest blog post, psychotherapist Noel McDermott looks at the emotional impact of miscarriage and how we can improve support for men. Many men can experience an acute emotional response to the loss of a pregnancy, and it is important to create space for their own experience. Here Noel looks at how loss is a natural process that needs a support approach as we pass through its stages.

Ian, Inspiring Dads

Men’s Emotional Mental Health & Miscarriage

Probably the most important thing to say about this is not that men will or won’t get any particular set of feelings and experiences after a miscarriage, but that the focus will be more on the woman and and the man’s experience will be seen as secondary. Their experience may well be different to their partner, and this may increase the sense that it is secondary. Guys are likely to see themselves as having to be strong in these situations and showing vulnerability and distress as failing in their role as supporter. 

Toxic masculinity - signs of psychological distress

We can say with certainty that men who don’t identify difficult feelings and find support for them, will usually turn to destructive ways of coping. Much of what is termed ‘toxic masculinity’ is an expression of psychological distress. In this case, the lack of identifying and dealing healthily with difficult feelings, can result in excessive drinking, aggression, isolation, loss of sleep, changes in appetite, seeking sexual relationships outside the partnership as ways to cope.

How to deal with feelings in a positive way

There is a need to provide basic information to men going through this and present it in straightforward ways, explaining that there are positive and negative ways of dealing with feelings brought up during times of loss and distress and it’s very much a decision to be made, in therapy this is called a psycho-educational resource. Much distress and the development of maladaptive coping strategies can be avoided by this simple approach, of giving knowledge about what to expect and what is normal in times of psychological challenge. Psychoeducation is in fact one of the cornerstones of modern therapy and is evidenced to be highly effective both in treating distress but also in preventing it.

“What can’t happen is to not have feelings. Men may want to put to one side uncomfortable feelings so as to be better at helping and supporting or just to avoid pain. Emotions cannot exist selectively, it’s not possible to choose which ones to have, we either have them or we don’t. Not having emotions involves highly dysfunctional behaviours such as for example, excessive drug and alcohol consumption.” 

Normalising feelings and emotions

What is normal and indeed healthy in this situation will in fact be a broad range of things, normalising is another tool that is very helpful. Knowing what we are experiencing is normal leads to us developing greater distress tolerance and reduces the likelihood of maladaptive acting out. We cope better being able to tell ourselves that this is just part of the experience. If a man is suffering from grief, he doesn’t necessarily cry, the range of things that might occur are:

• Loss and loneliness

• Anger and sadness

• Numbing out through grief

• Loss of libido or the opposite hyper-sexual responses

• Feeling of guilt or the opposite displacement into blame

• Problems with sleep, mood, emotional regulation, appetite, motivation, having a general sense of dread, not seeing a hopeful future

• Struggles in the relationship as you seem to separate from each other in the hurt and loss

Male bonding: Men’s emotional health

Without a doubt the best therapy in life is the company and support of other humans that we care about and who care about us. The herd is where we feel safe and where we get most boosts from in terms of our health and wellbeing. Simply being in the company of folk we like when we are troubled will reduce our stress responses to our troubles. For men this is often the best approach, not dealing with the problem head on but in a roundabout way by having good social time with mates. Often guys will open up during these contacts but arranging to meet a mate to discuss their difficult feelings can often seem alien and indeed could be counterproductive. Activity based support often work better for men, the distraction of the activity reduces the tension of dealing with challenging feelings, particularly if, as is likely the case with miscarriage, there may be significant feelings of failure and shame.

How to support your partner after a miscarriage

Being able to be honest about how difficult a man is finding the loss, is often very helpful to their partner. Many men don’t intuit this as culturally they are not brought up so, but by actually revealing that you are struggling will help your partner and can in fact potentially reduce their own sense of failure and isolation. Though this won’t be true in all cases it is a general rule that is helpful. In this way the possibility of the relationship breaking up, which is the fear for the guy here, is reduced.

Male psychology as culturally programmed is to be of use, to be able to provide and do stuff, the more intangible support such as being rather doing can be experienced in an awkward manner. It’s an important skill in this though as loss is more of a natural process that needs little actual intervention as such, and more of a support approach as we pass through its stages. 

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About the Noel McDermott

Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care, and education. He has created unique, mental health services in the independent sector. Noel’s company offer at-home mental health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised care teams for the individual. They have recently launched a range of online therapy resources to help clients access help without leaving home – www.noelcdermott.net  

 Where to get more help 

The Miscarriage Society produces a leaflet for men simply explaining what they might experience during this time. It legitimises men’s experiences during this time and provides the  information in a way that is accessible and emotionally manageable -

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Men-and-Miscarriage.pdf 

Watch Noel as a Guest on the Lockdown Dads podcast

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The Great Dad Reset

The Great Dad Reset

Inspiring Dads founder, Ian Dinwiddy, was invited to contribute to a Dads at Work feature for Daddilife discusses the importance of culture over policy in creating a balanced future for dads...

Ever since I started my business, it’s been really clear that new dads want to spend more time with their children, to be there for the moments that matter and to work out how to be a great dad without sacrificing a great career, and for so long it’s felt out of reach. Fears about being seen as uncommitted if you seek out extended paternity leave, jokes about taking 2 weeks holiday (if you’re lucky) and if you work flexibly (like a mum?!) then you’ve pretty much signalled that your career is on ice.

Not everyone can take the potential financial hit involved in stepping back and that’s before we consider the identity and purpose benefits that progression and enjoyment at work brings.

It shouldn’t have taken a pandemic to prove that it’s possible for many dads to work remotely, creating better balance, relationship harmony and mental health outcomes, but 2021 is definitely an opportunity to reset what it means to be a committed dad, the type that is committed to both family and work, but doesn’t want to have to choose between them!

Policy is great, but all the flexible working policies in the world mean nothing if your work culture doesn’t support dads accessing them, just ask Japan, with world leading paternity leave. While McKinsey research found the most important factors in men taking paternity leave were:

1.     A work culture that encourages taking leave

2.     Policy support from their employer

3.     An unaffected promotion timeline

Whether is it hybrid working, taking extra leave or being a role model for younger dads, my challenge to you is, in this time of massive opportunity, what are you going to do to get the work-life balance, you, your family and your children want and need?

Because when men come together, things can get done, if enough of us stand together for better relationships, mental health and connection with our kids together we can create that reset and build a better future.