HELPING STRESSED DADS BALANCE WORK AND FATHERHOOD

Mental Health, Relationships, New Dad, Masculinity Ian Dinwiddy Mental Health, Relationships, New Dad, Masculinity Ian Dinwiddy

Men’s Emotional Mental Health & Miscarriage

In common with so many couples, we experienced miscarriages. Psychotherapist Noel McDermott looks at the emotional impact of miscarriage and how we can improve support for men.

Freya is nearly 12 and Struan nearly 9, but in common with so many couples, we experienced miscarriages. Our first and third pregnancies ended in early term miscarriage. In this important guest blog post, psychotherapist Noel McDermott looks at the emotional impact of miscarriage and how we can improve support for men. Many men can experience an acute emotional response to the loss of a pregnancy, and it is important to create space for their own experience. Here Noel looks at how loss is a natural process that needs a support approach as we pass through its stages.

Ian, Inspiring Dads

Men’s Emotional Mental Health & Miscarriage

Probably the most important thing to say about this is not that men will or won’t get any particular set of feelings and experiences after a miscarriage, but that the focus will be more on the woman and and the man’s experience will be seen as secondary. Their experience may well be different to their partner, and this may increase the sense that it is secondary. Guys are likely to see themselves as having to be strong in these situations and showing vulnerability and distress as failing in their role as supporter. 

Toxic masculinity - signs of psychological distress

We can say with certainty that men who don’t identify difficult feelings and find support for them, will usually turn to destructive ways of coping. Much of what is termed ‘toxic masculinity’ is an expression of psychological distress. In this case, the lack of identifying and dealing healthily with difficult feelings, can result in excessive drinking, aggression, isolation, loss of sleep, changes in appetite, seeking sexual relationships outside the partnership as ways to cope.

How to deal with feelings in a positive way

There is a need to provide basic information to men going through this and present it in straightforward ways, explaining that there are positive and negative ways of dealing with feelings brought up during times of loss and distress and it’s very much a decision to be made, in therapy this is called a psycho-educational resource. Much distress and the development of maladaptive coping strategies can be avoided by this simple approach, of giving knowledge about what to expect and what is normal in times of psychological challenge. Psychoeducation is in fact one of the cornerstones of modern therapy and is evidenced to be highly effective both in treating distress but also in preventing it.

“What can’t happen is to not have feelings. Men may want to put to one side uncomfortable feelings so as to be better at helping and supporting or just to avoid pain. Emotions cannot exist selectively, it’s not possible to choose which ones to have, we either have them or we don’t. Not having emotions involves highly dysfunctional behaviours such as for example, excessive drug and alcohol consumption.” 

Normalising feelings and emotions

What is normal and indeed healthy in this situation will in fact be a broad range of things, normalising is another tool that is very helpful. Knowing what we are experiencing is normal leads to us developing greater distress tolerance and reduces the likelihood of maladaptive acting out. We cope better being able to tell ourselves that this is just part of the experience. If a man is suffering from grief, he doesn’t necessarily cry, the range of things that might occur are:

  • Loss and loneliness

  • Anger and sadness

  • Numbing out through grief

  • Loss of libido or the opposite hyper-sexual responses

  • Feeling of guilt or the opposite displacement into blame

  • Problems with sleep, mood, emotional regulation, appetite, motivation, having a general sense of dread, not seeing a hopeful future

  • Struggles in the relationship as you seem to separate from each other in the hurt and loss

Male bonding: Men’s emotional health

Without a doubt the best therapy in life is the company and support of other humans that we care about and who care about us. The herd is where we feel safe and where we get most boosts from in terms of our health and wellbeing. Simply being in the company of folk we like when we are troubled will reduce our stress responses to our troubles. For men this is often the best approach, not dealing with the problem head on but in a roundabout way by having good social time with mates. Often guys will open up during these contacts but arranging to meet a mate to discuss their difficult feelings can often seem alien and indeed could be counterproductive. Activity based support often work better for men, the distraction of the activity reduces the tension of dealing with challenging feelings, particularly if, as is likely the case with miscarriage, there may be significant feelings of failure and shame.

How to support your partner after a miscarriage

Being able to be honest about how difficult a man is finding the loss, is often very helpful to their partner. Many men don’t intuit this as culturally they are not brought up so, but by actually revealing that you are struggling will help your partner and can in fact potentially reduce their own sense of failure and isolation. Though this won’t be true in all cases it is a general rule that is helpful. In this way the possibility of the relationship breaking up, which is the fear for the guy here, is reduced.

Male psychology as culturally programmed is to be of use, to be able to provide and do stuff, the more intangible support such as being rather doing can be experienced in an awkward manner. It’s an important skill in this though as loss is more of a natural process that needs little actual intervention as such, and more of a support approach as we pass through its stages. 


About the Noel McDermott

Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care, and education. He has created unique, mental health services in the independent sector. Noel’s company offer at-home mental health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised care teams for the individual. They have recently launched a range of online therapy resources to help clients access help without leaving home – www.noelcdermott.net  

 Where to get more help 

The Miscarriage Society produces a leaflet for men simply explaining what they might experience during this time. It legitimises men’s experiences during this time and provides the  information in a way that is accessible and emotionally manageable -

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Men-and-Miscarriage.pdf 

 

Watch Noel as a Guest on the Lockdown Dads podcast

 
 

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Inspiration, Masculinity, Mental Health Ian Dinwiddy Inspiration, Masculinity, Mental Health Ian Dinwiddy

It's a wrap - 46 episodes of the Lockdown Dads Podcast

Recorded on ‘freedom day’ we reflect on 18 months of pandemic podcast chat, the highs and lows and the fascinating guests we have been lucky enough to have on the show.

It's a wrap - 46 episodes of Lockdown Dads Podcast

After 46 episodes James Millar and I call time on the Lockdown Dads podcast. Recorded on ‘freedom day’ we reflect on 18 months of pandemic podcast chat, the highs and lows and the fascinating guests we have been lucky enough to have on the show.

Although we have completed our fourth season, the truth is that the fear of catching Covid, home school disruption, and getting through the days are, in many ways, as prevalent as ever.

We consider some of the hopelessly optimistic predictions we made in the year - lockdown could be all over by June!? But also the certainty of the stay at home messaging v the weariness and low level anxiety of July 2021.

We talk about some of the guests that stuck in our minds and the good, the bad and the absurd of the tips we shared.

Who can forget James' pants discussion with Jessica Chivers (Ep20) or Ian going with "it's time to check your energy bills" with Will Champion, drummer in Coldplay (Ep35).

We put to bed the rumour that the best guests are ones with 50,000 Insta followers like Ian's brother Chris Dinwiddy (!), and discuss the amazingly practical mindful dad - Vidyadasa Ady Griffiths (Ep23) and less than amusing circumstances that comics Philip Simon (Ep6) and Tiernan Douieb (Ep3) faced throughout the pandemic.

We talk about research and data, emotionally tricky episodes with Rhian Mannings MBE Pride of Britain Award Winner (Ep38) and Brian Ballantyne (Ep37) and having a laugh with Nathan McGurl (Ep31) and Jamie Beaglehole (Ep34) So for the moment that is the end of Lockdown Dads, at least in this guise!

And our parting wish is, don't forget that "good enough is good enough."

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Masculinity, Relationships, Balance Ian Dinwiddy Masculinity, Relationships, Balance Ian Dinwiddy

"I'm gonna be like you, dad"

Cat’s in the Cradle is a well known song but have you ever paid attention to the words?

“I’m Gonna Be Like You, Dad”

The Cat’s in the Cradle is a 1974 song that (according to Wikipedia) started life as poem inspired by “the awkward relationship”, between a father and son.

A man becomes a father in the first verse but is too busy to spend time with his son, this patterns repeats throughout the song, while the son saying he will grow up just like him. At the end the pattern is complete with the son being too busy to spend time with his dad.

It points to two important themes for dads to consider

1) Making time now

2) The importance of role-modelling.

Originally performed by Harry Chapin who is quoted as saying "Frankly, this song scares me to death."

Cat’s in the Cradle

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw, I said, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that's okay
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
It said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then.

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Masculinity, Relationships, Inspiration Ian Dinwiddy Masculinity, Relationships, Inspiration Ian Dinwiddy

Role modelling matters for working dads in so many ways

What dads do and role model at home is of vital significance to the chances of their daughter’s career success and to the health of their son’s future relationships.

workingdads2.jpg

Role modelling matters for working dads in so many ways

“I saw a comment on Facebook recently, it was a mum talking about the importance of career role modelling for her daughter, showing her a future where she could smash the glass ceiling, to be anything she wanted to be.

It got me thinking. We don’t use the same language when we talk about dads. Yes, we describe the benefits of dads being great role models for healthy masculinity for their sons, but I’m not sure we ever say the same about role modelling for daughters?”

I cover two key areas that all dads should be thinking about:

Five reasons why equality at home should matter to you. 

and

What can you do to support equality at home?

Photo Credit: Adobe stock via workingdads.co.uk

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Masculinity, Mental Health, Inspiration Ian Dinwiddy Masculinity, Mental Health, Inspiration Ian Dinwiddy

Looking back - Lockdown Dads Season 3

We look back at the guests, the stories and the tips that caught our eye since January.

Looking Back at Lockdown Dads Season 3

We look back at the guests, the stories and the tips that caught our eye since January.

Contents

00:30 Weathermen, Ian’s course development, Covid scare at school and Couch to 5k

03:00 James finally gets physio on his back

05:15 Working from home with kids around

06:30 The return to office life and the Goldman Sachs way of working

09:00 Are the government actually consulting on flexible working rights?

11:00 Linking working patterns to gender equality

12:00 Home-school since January

14:00 The novelty wearing off for Dads?

15:00 We discuss John Adams and Dr Jasmine Kelland LinkedIn Live - Parents in the Pandemic

17:25 Stand out moments with Nathan McGurl, Dan Stanley and Will Champion

19:00 Lessons from Coldplay, Wise Brian Ballantyne, Practical tips from Louise Goss and Rhian Mannings’ story

21:00 Planning the summer season

22:00 Joining the dots between sexual violence and equality in the home

28:30 Looking back at the season tips

31:30 This Week’s Tips

  • Read Rob Parsons - The Heart of Success

  • Open Easter eggs with your head (and why not?!)

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Masculinity, Mental Health, Inspiration Ian Dinwiddy Masculinity, Mental Health, Inspiration Ian Dinwiddy

Rhian Mannings MBE - Making a Real difference

In 2012 Rhian Mannings’ life suddenly and tragically changed when first her young son George died, followed 5 days later by her husband Paul. She then founded 2 Wish Upon A Star.

Rhian Mannings MBE - Making a Real Difference

In 2012 Rhian Mannings’ life suddenly and tragically changed when first her young son George died, followed 5 days later by her husband Paul.

In this important and uplifting conversation we explore how support was missing for bereaved parents like Rhian and Paul and how, what she imagined would be “hobby”, turned into a nationwide charity called 2 Wish Upon A Star providing immediate and ongoing bereavement support for families, individuals and professionals affected by the sudden and traumatic death of a child or young adult aged 25 or under.

We learn about the importance of the elephant in the bereavement box (and in the room) and discuss “masculinities” and how they have an impact on how and when men seek out the help they need.

Plus we scatter some celebrity stardust from the likes of Sam Warburton, Will Champion, Nick Knowles and Michael Sheen.

Contents

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01:00 Spring, getting out the house in Wales, rugby and the importance of sport

03:10 Why The Great Escape is analogy for how James feels

05:40 Rhian’s path to founding 2 Wish Upon a Star. Losing George and Paul.

“Over the next few days, what was clear, very quickly, was that there was no support available to us as a family. We were very much abandoned by the system really. Luckily we had amazing family and friends around us, we were lucky in that respect.”

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07:00 Starting the charity - I just needed something to keep me going.

08:30 Lacking support, Paul blamed himself.

“We got a piece of paper with some phone numbers on, some of them were out of order and I'm still waiting for the rest of them to contact me today.”

09:40 Going into A&E departments and asking for the person in charge

“And I said, what will happen today? If a child died suddenly? And the same thing that happened to us would have happened to them.”

11:00 Finding the strength to tell her story

12:30 Ian talks about his friendship with Paul and the first time he met Rhian

14:15 Reflecting on bereavement and how different families have coped with lockdown

15:00 Keeping 2 Wish Upon A Star going during lockdown

2wishimage.jpg

16:40 The elephant in the room - memory boxes and remembering

“When George died, I'll never forget the nurses just panicked because they couldn't find anything to perhaps take some fingerprints or hand prints or some, some of his curls.”

19:00 Paul felt like he’d failed everyone

“You know, his exact words to my sister at one point was “Daddies, shouldn't let their children die” “

21:00 Multiple masculinities and the pressure men can feel

Micheal Sheen.jpg

23:00 Supporting dads - the importance of sport in the charity’s work.

24:30 The Welsh rugby team - role models for mental health

26:00 Celebrity Ambassadors - Will Champion and Nick Knowles

27:00 Super actor Michael Sheen unveiled as new ambassador!

Tips

  • Photograph your kids asleep (!)

  • Recognise when you nee to plug your battery in

  • Understand that reaching out the help is not a sign of weakness, it is often a sign of strength.

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Connect or contact with Rhian and her charity


https://twitter.com/2wishupon

https://www.2wishuponastar.org/

Learn about the OECD report - “Man Enough”

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Inspiration, Masculinity, Mental Health Ian Dinwiddy Inspiration, Masculinity, Mental Health Ian Dinwiddy

Brian Ballantyne - why men and inclusion matters

What it means to be good ally? How Brian’s own family were a prompt to volunteer in diversity and inclusion voluntary work and why men must be involved if we aren’t just creating inclusion echo chambers.

Brian Ballantyne - why men and inclusion matters.

Brian Ballantyne, Co-Founder of Men for Inclusion, author of “Confessions of a Working Dad” and one time Babycenter moderator joins James and Ian in Episode 37 of Lockdown Dads.

It’s an open and honest discussion in which we discuss what it means to be good ally, how Brian’s own family were a prompt to volunteer in diversity and inclusion voluntary work and why men must be involved if we aren’t just creating inclusion echo chambers.

Plus “Centrist Dads”, burnout and recharging batteries and how to argue well.

Contents

01:00 A tough week for Brian - lessons in boundaries, batteries and burnout

04:30 Balancing family and personal priorities

06:00 Ian has been shooting video content +

07:00 Social media and men’s attitudes to women’s personal safety

08:00 Ian forgets about James

09:30 James reflects on a bad week for gender equality

11:30 Being a Babycenter moderator

12:45 Dad culture - the time when Brian’s CEO stalked him on Foursquare

14:30 Family influence on diversity and inclusion work.

15:10 Women in Technology echo chambers

17:00 How Male Allies for Gender Equality became Men for Inclusion

19:45 We discuss what allyship means

Tips

23:10

James has been reading Conflicted: Why Arguments Are Tearing Us Apart and How They Can Bring Us Together

Q. What is a Centrist Dad”

Ian recommends previous guest, Rachel Vecht’s quick video on how to extract information from your school age children!

Brian talks about cherishing the small moments

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Connect with Brian

https://www.linkedin.com/company/menforinclusion/

https://www.e2w.co/men-for-inclusion

https://www.linkedin.com/in/brian-ballantyne-336754/

Photo Credit @hannahbusing via Unsplash

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Inspiration, Masculinity, Relationships Ian Dinwiddy Inspiration, Masculinity, Relationships Ian Dinwiddy

In conversation with Coldplay's Will Champion

The musician who doesn’t read music, the drummer who didn’t play the drums and a calming, pragmatic influence in Coldplay.

Champion of the World

The musician who doesn’t read music, the drummer who didn’t play the drums and a calming, pragmatic influence in Coldplay. In this episode of Lockdown Dads, we discover how a focus on their relationships has been as important as the music, what work life balance means in a band when you have kids and what Will is looking forward to most when lockdown finishes.

Self described (with tongue in cheek) “soft rock dinosaur,” we find out how Will feels about the A Head Full of Dreams documentary - the good, the cringe-worthy and the comforting.

We explore how the pandemic has been for the band, for his family and sadness he feels for artists on the cusp of success - with momentum pulled from under them.

Will talks openly about family, fatherhood and masculinity - the similarities between his role as a dad at home and his role in his second family where fortunately no one is a frustrated frontman!

Luck, personalities, hard work and a focus on relationships and above all else being grateful.

Contents

01:00 Definitely an air of optimism, a bit of light at the end of the tunnel for my kids.

01:50 Not touring with the last album turned out to be almost clairvoyant…

“We've managed to find a few moments to kind of play together and to record together, which has been brilliant. And so we're just sort of planning the next move really.”

02:45 We're lucky because we can afford to wait and we can we can choose the right time to do it for us

“I just feel so sorry for so many people, because momentum is a hard thing to kind of conjure up. And when you have it as a band or an artist or in any walk of life it's really good to try and grab it when you can. For so many people, that opportunity has been ripped away. So I think we're very lucky in this situation that we're in.”

04:00 Ian looking forward to the end of home school and binge watch Marvel films for the first time.

06:20 James - great weather, but an irritating Joe Wicks injury!

08:00 Will’s working dad status - father of three and freelancer

08:56 Olga Fitzroy is like Bruce Wayne. (Read more about her Parental Pay Equality campaign)

“Extraordinary sound engineer and producer by day and a politician and campaigner by night… she's brilliant.”

09:50 Children, touring and balancing family life with work.

“On the most recent tour we did in 2016, the Head Full of Dreams tour, I think the longest I was away from my kids and my wife at any one time, it was about two weeks. it takes a lot of planning and it takes a lot of organization, but ultimately it's what keeps us happy and what keeps us able to commit and to really throw ourselves into the music.”

12:40 Being in a band is like being in a family.

“We realised early on was that in order to make sure that we were going to stay together, for the band to be healthy, we had to concentrate as much on us or the interpersonal relationships as we do on our music.”

Chemistry between band mates is the most prized possession that you have…

15:15 Too busy for boxsets, books and learning new languages

17:00 We talk about the A Head Full of Dreams documentary

“I think it's a lovely thing for people who like our music and like our band… what's amazing is to be able to see that the core, that was there at the beginning is still there. And I think that's the most important thing for me from that film is that I can just see the same people and the same friendship at the core of it.”

20:00 The secret to Coldplay longevity - dynamics, personalities, friendships and a bit of luck.

“I also think that quite often in bands, you get…. more than one person who wants to be at the front and in our band, that's absolutely not the case. We have three people who definitely don't want to be at the front, and one person who's really good at being at the front.”

23:30 Will’s lack of previous drumming experience - could Ian have been in Coldplay?

"I went to audition to get drum lessons and they said no, we can't teach you..."

25:30 It’s been tough for Will’s kids, especially his eldest.

27:30 Making memories and making the best of Lockdown - The Quarantine Bar at 5pm on a Friday.

30:45 Studio time, being productive and Brian Eno’s advice

32:30 Weekly zoom calls and very intense, but very productive 2 week slots of time.

33:15 Multiple masculinities - Will’s role as a dad v his role in the band

“I feel like my role in the band is quite a similar one to my role in my family. which is convenient”

“I suspect it makes for possibly… not the most exciting member of the band, but an important one, nonetheless.”

36:30 Ambition, competition and balance

“It's a lovely feeling to be part of a team that really works.”

38:45 What are we going to do first, when we’re allowed - Will visiting his dad plus

“Just going out for some food, I've had enough of my own cooking. I think I'd love for someone else to make me dinner.”

40:40

This week’s bumper selection of tips

  • Make a playlist, include The Scientist

“Nobody said it would be easy, but nobody said it would be this hard”

and some The Blue Nile plus watch out for James’ appearance on Steve Wright’s Golden Oldies on the 8th March.

  • For International Women’s Day read Annie Lennox’s piece on Feminism and dialogue with men

  • It’s Energy Switch time

  • Challenge yourself musically

Previously Will learnt Blackbird and during this lockdown has been learning to play Nimrod by Edward Elgar on the piano

  • Listen to podcasts

“I've been inspired by my wife who's been voraciously devouring podcasts, and I've never really got into podcasts until recently. And there were so many brilliant things that you can listen to now, things that are extremely niche and some that are very broad. So listen to more podcasts.”

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More reading and links

Annie Lennox (subscribe to read)

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/only-if-the-women-s-movement-opens-a-dialogue-with-men-can-we-end-misogyny-c8zxp0pcj

James’ review of previous guest Martin Robinson’s New Book

https://www.workingdads.co.uk/martin-robinson-masculinity-book-you-are-not-the-man-you-are-supposed-to-be/

RIP George and Paul x

RIP George and Paul x

Special request

If you’ve enjoyed this content please consider making a donation to 2 Wish Upon A Star, a charity very close to the hearts of both Will and I.

Founded by Rhian Mannings, OBE and Pride of Britain award winner, in memory of her one year old son and husband who died within a week of each other in 2012.

2 Wish Upon A Star provides immediate and ongoing bereavement support for families, individuals and professionals affected by the sudden and traumatic death of a child or young adult aged 25 or under.

Thank you

Ian

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Dan Stanley - Becoming Better Men

In a powerful discussion about masculinity, purpose, and self awareness, ex Army Commando Instructor Dan describes how, far from being a magical time, becoming a new dad…

Dan Stanley - Becoming Better Men

In a powerful discussion about masculinity, purpose, and self awareness, ex Army Commando Instructor Dan describes how, far from being a magical time, becoming a new dad led to a 8 month separation in his marriage.

We discover how a chance meeting with an ex premiership footballer, helped him drop his people pleaser mask and literally stop running from his problems.

We discuss the impact of a dad who wasn’t present in his life, running so much your dog gets injured, and seeking to normalise the conversation about modern masculinity. Dan talks about his business principles of creating space for men to develop great relationships with themselves.

Plus… is it sledding or sledging and other pressing questions in 2021.

Contents

01:00 Dan is purposeful, available and congruent

03:00 Ian and the “done” list

04:20 Sledding or Sledging? Snow days as a niche argument in favour of flexible working.

07:25 Birth of Dan’s daughter was the catalyst for “not only the breakdown of my marriage, but also for what was an identity crisis or midlife crisis for me.”

08:10 Dan was running (and avoiding) so much that his spaniel (running partner) actually developed an injury that needed an operation.

09:00 “We separated for about eight months and it was a lonely time.”

09:45

“I kind of felt there's an opportunity here. There's an opportunity for me to use my story. And my authenticity. So allow other people to step into a space where they could unpack the thoughts and feelings, to really make sense of who they are and what they want, but ultimately it's cultivate a mindset for success that enables them to balance their happiness and their career motivations.”

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11:10 It's all about normalising the conversation for me. Unless you've got a great relationship yourself, you can't have a great relationship with anybody else.

12:30 My dad wasn't present in my life and at the time I never really gave it any significant thought, but…

13:30

Training all arms commandos from the army. Screaming in people's faces, that in my mind, is counterproductive.

15:30

“I was reading a book called Legacy about the psychology of the All Blacks and a man a few loungers down is reading Chimp Paradox. We must have been the only two guys in the Maldives with self help books”

He was an ex premiership footballer, he'd had a couple of the operations, which hadn't worked…

He said a phrase, which has changed the whole trajectory of my life. He said the only difference between a grave and a rut is the depth. I was like, wow. You know, it was straight in my heart.

17:30 Taking massive and immediate action

18:30 Reflecting on ego and masculinity

19:45 It's about creating that space for men to have the conversations they've never had before, to be heard and listened to in a nonjudgmental space.

21:30 I found myself in the Peak District for five days, on a vegan diet. No caffeine, morning meditation and yoga and spirituality and the men's circles. Craig White was a real, a real catalyst for who I became.

24:00: I stepped away from friendship groups that I felt no longer served who I wanted to become. I realised that my values were kind of just social traits that I'd adopted from other people.

26:30 My story is perhaps extreme in a sense, but lots of guys can relate to avoiding, to placing their head in the sand

Tips (27:00)

Bird watching for the soul

A selection of stoic maxims.

  • Know thy self - develop yourself awareness.

  • Nothing to excess.

  • Surety brings ruin.

Listen to Tim Ferris podcast with Jerry Seinfeld

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More from Dan

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-stanley-bettermen-coaching/

https://better-men.uk/

@wildlittlethingsphoto

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Masculinity Ian Dinwiddy Masculinity Ian Dinwiddy

What International Men’s Day means to men

I didn’t always have a coaching business that focuses on helping stressed dads balance work and fatherhood.

I didn’t always have a coaching business that focuses on helping stressed dads balance work and fatherhood. In fact, I started out balancing work, hockey and ad-hoc binge drinking….

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There wasn’t that much work life balance to worry about. For the first 4/5 years of my working life there was no laptop, no email on my phone and no worries once I walked out the office.

And I definitely wasn’t thinking about International Men’s Day (IMD)

Learn what International Men’s Day means to Men in this article for WorkingDads.co.uk

Including:

  • A lack of Awareness

  • There’s a concern that celebrating would lead to backlash

  • Recognition of the potential power for good

  • But maybe “real men” don’t need a special day?

Read the full article here:

https://www.workingdads.co.uk/what-international-mens-day-means-men/

Picture Credit: Ayo Ogunseinde via Unsplash @armedshutter

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