HELPING STRESSED DADS BALANCE WORK AND FATHERHOOD
Building The New Reality
Building new foundations and thought processes are crucial to driving gender equality at work and at home.
Building The New Reality
I was chatting with our next-door neighbour Ted..
Ted - "Have you seen that the new build has been sold?"
Me - "Err... Ted, what do you mean by the 'new build'?”
Ted - "You know… the new build, 4 doors down from us..."
mentally I cross off 4 houses...
Me - "I didn't, no, but why's it called the new build?"
Ted - "didn't you know, it got destroyed in the war and rebuilt."
Me - “ah ha…”
-----
The 'new build' has stood for more than 60 years... Ted wasn’t even born when the bomb fell on the road that we all now live on and yet in the collective consciousness it’s the “new build.”
Talking to Ted reminded me of one of the challenges facing gender diversity in the workplace.
People often, simply don't have the same points of reference.
If your senior management began their careers at a time when Dads went to work and Mums stayed at home, they won't necessarily understand that attitudes and expectations of a new generation has changed.
Men want to be able to take well paid, extended, parental leave, and then work flexibly in order be there for their children, in a way they don't remember from their own childhoods.
It's good for their mental health, good for their children's connections and outcomes and allows them to support and enable their partner's career ambitions. Helping senior leadership understand this change is crucial to supporting gender equality. Embracing active fatherhood in the workplace can be a game changer for equality. Soon it won't be a new thing.
Building new foundations and thought processes are crucial to driving gender equality at work and at home.
Drop me a message if you want to explore ideas on how your organisation can leverage support for new dads to build better gender equality.
Ian
Info@inspiringdads.co.uk
#inspiringdads #parentalleave #genderequality
"Supporting Dads to Make Brave Decisions..."
Championing New Dads At Work - Edition 3.
This week I’m a guest on the Big Careers, Small Children Podcast from Leaders Plus and lots more
“Supporting Dads To Make Brave Decisions…”
Championing New Dads At Work (Edition 3)
This weekly newsletter saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.
Each week I will share content around the Inspiring Dads' 5 Pillars of "Championing New Dads at Work"
These 5 pillars go to the heart of how I help HR leaders support their new dads, enhancing gender equality at home and at work, improving well-being, performance and culture.
The hidden barriers keeping men at work
“Most cite fears of being discriminated against professionally, missing out on pay rises and promotions, being marginalised or even mocked as reasons for not taking time off.”
BBC REPORT - Paternity leave: The hidden barriers keeping men at work
If you want to understand more about why supporting new dads is the route to gender equality, then you'll need to join me live and for free next Tuesday, 28th June.
"Why do we need to coach dads?”
It's a pretty common question when budgets are tight, maternity leave provision is much more generous and retaining female talent is a pressing issue.
Let these women's words educate you on the pressures faced by dads and positive impacts that coaching can drive...
What pressures did your partner face before starting the coaching?
"Work life balance and a lack of sleep"
"Work life balance, financial implications and being the ‘perfect’ dad"
"A very demanding job and commute, feeling guilty about not seeing enough of me and our son, not feeling as though he was supportive enough of us."
What positive changes have you seen IN HIM as a result of the coaching?
"More conversations about shared responsibility"
"Better mental space, accepting that there is no such thing as a perfect dad, accepting that I would know the kids a little better and how to look after them."
"More open to discussing the difficult topics, more of a team player, more self-awareness."
How have these positive changes improved YOUR life?
"Greater appreciation of what's needed to make us happy as a family of four."
"A lot calmer with the twins, better work life balance, realising that he can do it all."
"We have much more open communication about managing family life and our priorities. I feel like we are sharing the load a lot more which has been a huge relief for me, and I feel much more optimistic about our future as a family"
Join the free webinar next week and learn why we can't just assume that dads are ok, and why supporting new dads at work is the route to gender equality.
Live and for free next Tuesday, 28th June.
The New Dads Accelerator
Our 5 week group course creates safe supportive spaces for "first year fathers", blending online course content with group video calls to learn, reflect and share.
This is what our graduates say:
"A clearer plan of how to pave the way forward."
"I am more resilient and reflective."
"Taking time for myself after a day at work"
"More clarity on holistic management of life with a new child. More oversight of personal and long term goals"
"I would strongly encourage new dads to access The New Dads Accelerator. It provides a focused and fresh approach to the dynamics of fatherhood. I feel lucky to have accessed this course after birth of our second child. My only wish is that I'd accessed the course after the birth of our first."
Patrick, GP Partner in London
Big Careers, Small Children.
Episode 86 of the Leaders Plus Podcast "Big Careers, Small Children" is out now and I join host, Verena Hefti, as we discuss:
"Supporting Dads to Make Brave Decisions, Removing Barriers Around Shared Parental Leave & Why Gender Equality at Home Influences Work "
In this episode we cover
How dads can be brave and go beyond social expectations.
How to deal with the inevitable judgement from yourself and your peers when you challenge expectations.
Gender equality at home and work and how they influence each other.
What organisations can do support dads to take shared parental leave and how to remove barriers.
What men really talk about and why most men are more supportive of change than you might think.
Why when you connect men together to share stories and experiences it’s incredibly powerful.
The one thing every dad can do to move closer to the work/home setup they’d really like.
The huge pressure faced by dads who are the main breadwinner but who also want to be present parents.
Click here to listen:
https://www.leadersplus.org.uk/big-careers-small-children-ian-dinwiddy-inspiring-dads/
"Equal Parental Leave Rights, Enshrined In Law, For All."
It's my vision... writ large here: https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/why
As Joeli Brearley, Founder at Pregnant Then Screwed wrote over the weekend
"Paternity leave in the UK is an embarrassment. 10 measly days for £318. It’s as if people think caring for children is a woman’s job.. ehem.
Today, we are releasing the findings from our survey which show that 1 in 4 dads & non-primary carers don’t even use their full entitlement due to pressure from work & financial issues, and even if they do, a quarter continue working whilst on leave due to pressure from their employer.
Meanwhile, 80% say they don’t have enough time to bond with their baby. They don’t have enough time to get to know their own child. That’s devastating, isn’t it? And as a result, almost half say they experienced a new mental health issue."
Joeli was in parliament yesterday making the case to the House of Lords for dads to get 6 weeks paternity leave paid at 90% of salary as part of the Pregnant Then Screwed campaign - Let’s Talk About Six.
Want to build better?
Join over 100,000 others and sign the Pregnant Then Screwed petition here
"Make parental leave equal for mothers and fathers."
I hope you enjoyed this week's content, feel free to share with your friends and colleagues! and If you have content, an event or an article you think my audience would want to learn about, then do let me know here.
MORE INSPIRATION
Gender diversity is good for the bottom line.
Championing New Dads At Work - Edition 2.
“Companies in the top quartile for gender diversity on executive teams were 25 percent more likely to have above-average profitability… “ and much more
Gender diversity is good for the bottom line.
Championing New Dads At Work (Edition 2)
This weekly newsletter saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.
Each week I will share content around the Inspiring Dads' 5 Pillars of "Championing New Dads at Work"
These 5 pillars go to the heart of how I help HR leaders support their new dads, enhancing gender equality at home and at work, improving well-being, performance and culture.
“Companies in the top quartile for gender diversity on executive teams were 25 percent more likely to have above-average profitability than companies in the fourth quartile”
McKinsey 2019
That's pretty punchy evidence as to why gender diversity is a good for the bottom line.
If you want to understand why supporting new dads is the route to this type of gender diversity return on investment, then you'll need to join me live and for free in our next webinar
A unique book - the first of its kind, Hypnobirthing book for dads.
Hypnobirthing was a big part of our preparation in advance of first becoming parents back in 2010. I can still remember Marie Mongan's tranquil, dulcet tones and breathing exercises.
Now the team at DaddiLife have launched a new book called:
A Positive Birth: The Dad's Guide To Hypnobirthing & Becoming A Confident Birth Partner
Han-Son Lee, Founder of DaddiLife had this to say
"A huge motivation for the book has been to challenge the all too common birth conventions where dads are confined to a passive role when it comes to birth (a chair in the corner is something we hear all too often), alongside the shocking stats that 1 in 3 women experience significant birth trauma which often drives post partum issues later on. A Positive Birth is all about how dads can be true birth advocates for their partners, and we've interviewed over 20 hypnobirthing dads to help other dads on their hypnobirthing journeys and how they've strengthened their relationships with their partners."
Help men to move away from just being "Dad", the person in the corner. You can get your copy here (not an affiliate link)
The New Dads Accelerator
Our 5 week group course creates safe supportive spaces for "first year fathers", blending online course content with group video calls to learn, reflect and share.
This is what our graduates say:
"A clearer plan of how to pave the way forward."
"I am more resilient and reflective."
"Taking time for myself after a day at work"
"More clarity on holistic management of life with a new child. More oversight of personal and long term goals"
"I would strongly encourage new dads to access The New Dads Accelerator. It provides a focused and fresh approach to the dynamics of fatherhood. I feel lucky to have accessed this course after birth of our second child. My only wish is that I'd accessed the course after the birth of our first."
Patrick, GP Partner in London
"Unhappy Father’s Day: the dad-shaped hole in UK postnatal services"
Yesterday the Fatherhood Institute published the fifth in a Contemporary Fathers in the UK series of evidence reviews, funded by the Nuffield Foundation. Packed full of data such as
"Two-year-olds’ cognitive development is better and they display fewer behaviour problems when their father’s early caregiving or play has been frequent, regular, positive in tone or engaged and active."
And...
"New mother’s mental health is poorer when she does not feel supported by her baby’s father or when he is less available at home than other fathers."
It uncovers the 2nd class status of men within maternity system and makes four key recommendations for how policy and services could be improved
including
All tax-funded services and interventions for families in the perinatal period should be commissioned, designed, delivered, promoted and evaluated in ways that recognise fathers’ own need for support... and their impact on children and mothers.
Have a look here:
http://www.fatherhoodinstitute.org/2022/unhappy-fathers-day/
Can you help with a bit of market research?
The team at the excellent Book of Man online platform are looking for people (not just men) to complete a 4 minute survey looking at the portrayal of male caregivers on TV and Screen.
Co founder Mark Sandford posted this on LinkedIn
"A new study by the Geena Davis Institute on gender in media and Equimondo has found that 'male care givers on our TV and film, screens are disproportionally depicted as incompetent, abusive or absent' - which is frankly a dangerous stereotype trope that The Book Of Man is committed to change. Coupled with over 75% of men saying they can't relate to advertising targeting them, we thought it was time to delve a bit deeper and see what you think. The survey below takes the same time as a proper cup of tea to brew (4 minutes), but would really help move the conversation forward."
https://www.surveymonkey.co.uk/r/HN275GK
I hope you enjoyed this week's content, feel free to share with your friends and colleagues! and If you have content, an event or an article you think my audience would want to learn about, then do let me know here.
Photo Credit @sharonmccutcheon via Unsplash
MORE INSPIRATION
Introducing... "Championing New Dads At Work"
Championing New Dads At Work - Edition 1 .
This weekly newsletter provides you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.
Introducing… Championing New Dads At Work
Championing New Dads At Work (Edition 1)
This weekly newsletter saves you time and effort by providing you with a range of resources, inspiration and topics related to fatherhood and equality.
Each week I will share content around the Inspiring Dads' 5 Pillars of "Championing New Dads at Work"
These 5 pillars go to the heart of how I help HR leaders support their new dads, enhancing gender equality at home and at work, improving well-being, performance and culture.
Fathers Day
In the UK, our Fathers Day is fast approaching - Sunday 19th June. Many weeks ago, when I was buying T20 cricket tickets for us and another family to watch Middlesex v Kent at Lords I was surprised to find one of the 4 adult tickets was a fathers day freebie. Winner!
But Fathers Day isn't just about free slog fest cricket tickets, comedy socks or multi packs of craft ales. It's about talking about real dad stuff - the pressures, the emotions and fears. I have four speaking events in the week either side of Fathers Day. One's a panel event where I'm the moderator and a couple are a blend of presentation and interview style - getting real with "a real dad", not that I'm a fake dad of course, but one who doesn't talk about UK Government's Behavioural Insights Team (BIT) research...
The best thing about all of this is that in two examples I'm talking to men to set it up.
This is actually quite a big deal.
The chairs or co-chairs of the "Working Parents Crew" or the "Family and Carers Committee" are inevitably female. Meeting dads who are taking on those roles, while clearly not being ground breaking per se, is a pretty big step forward towards gender equality.
Message from Joeli Brearley, founder of Pregnant Then Screwed
Your support is needed
"DADS (and secondary caregivers), we need 10,000 of you to fill in our survey so we can make a stink about paternity leave. We have the least generous paternity pay in Europe. Paternity leave is so god-damn important but our legislation, and antiquated company policies prevent dads from taking time out to care for their child.
For every month of paternity leave taken by a dad, a mother’s wages rise by 7%. The same can be said for same sex couples, where one is the main carer. If dads spend time with their children in those early days, research shows that families have higher rates of well-being, kids do better in the education system and couples are 40% more likely to stay together.
In collaboration with the Trade Union Congress we are collecting data to better understand what is happening to new dads at work, and what changes you want to see both in terms of policy & workplace practice, so that we can lobby on your behalf.
If you are a dad please fill this in.
If you know a dad please send him the link here:"
Ever felt isolated as a dad?
It's pretty common feeling in my experience, but it doesn't have to be that way, join my friend Jago Brown to talk about fatherhood and isolation on Tuesday June 14th at 6pm UK time.
Equality Starts at Home is a movement for change and are changing outdated stereotypes and expectations about who does the work at home and why.
They want men to join them to talk about their experience of fatherhood and parenting. Help them to guide they work so they can include more men in the conversation.
Email equalitystartsathome@gmail.com to register.
The session includes a guest speaker from the inspirational Dad La Soul joining to talk about all the benefits of Dad's groups, and why and how to get involved.
The Queen of Kings
Yesterday I went live with with Fiona Ross in Episode 7 of her "No More Pea Soup" show. Fiona is "the Queen of Kings", a transformational men's coach, mentor and trusted advisor to high achieving men who, from the outside, appear to have it all; on the inside, their truth is very different.
We covered some important cultural and societal pressures that men and dads face and I talked about what I have learnt about how to support dads, both from my own experience and that of my clients.
#Flexforall
One of the key themes to building a more gender equal society is to embed flexible working opportunities for everyone. When we remove the sense that flexible, remote or part time working is a 'perk for mums', then we go a long way to supporting individual and family choices.
On Tuesday 24th June I was a guest at Parliament for the 1st Annual Working Dad Awards. As part of the event Suffolk County Council presented a case study into how they approached flexible working.
1) They identified 8 types of defined ways of working flexibly.
2) All job adverts had to list all 8 types as being available.
3) The only way to change the job ad was via formal submission
Outcome - 50% of women and 30% of men at Suffolk County Council work part time.
That is massive!
I hope you enjoyed this week's content, feel free to share with your friends and colleagues! and If you have content, an event or an article you think my audience would want to learn about, then do let me know here.
Photo Credit @wildlittlethingsphoto via Unsplash
MORE INSPIRATION
5 Practical Tips to cope with the Impact of Fatherhood
This blog post walks you through 5 common practical impacts of fatherhood and gives you tips to navigate your way.
Practical Impacts of Fatherhood aka “You don't know what you don't know”
Becoming a dad for the first time can be tough, it doesn’t matter how many books you read you can’t know or be prepared for everything.
This blog post walks you through 5 common practical impacts of fatherhood and gives you tips to navigate your way.
· Sleep Deprivation
· Social Life
· Discrimination
· Money
· Mental Health
1) Sleep Deprivation
Did you know that babies aren't considered physically able to sleep through the night until they are at least 6 months old? Sure, you can get lucky - our first, Freya was an amazing sleeper, but she screamed all day due to her reflux!
While our babies can’t prioritise sleep, adults have a lot more control, but sometimes sleeping doesn’t appear to be a good use of our time and there is a danger that you put your entertainment time ahead of sleep in the evenings. Yes, we all need to unwind, but allowing that to eat into sleep time is going to counterproductive.
Consider my client Andy's observation:
"If you can prioritise you and your partners ability to sleep then a lot of the other things fall into place, it makes the hard stuff easier with a clear head. If you're both sleep deprived, it makes even the minor issues trigger points for disagreement."
While the excellent and thought-provoking book Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker reminds us of the importance of sleep.
"It enhances your memory, makes you more attractive. It keeps you slim and lowers food cravings. It protects you from cancer and dementia. It wards off colds and flu. It lowers your risk of heart attacks and stroke, not to mention diabetes. You’ll even feel happier, less depressed, and less anxious."
2) Social Life (or not)
Photo Credit: @alevisionco via Unsplash
New parents’ lack of social life is a cliché for a reason. Life has changed, it won't be forever, but always remember that babies do not respect a hangover.
You need to think about three things
"Putting your oxygen mask on first"
Is it fair?
Time together
You need to look after yourself to be able look after other people. As they say when you fly, put your own oxygen mask on first. It's important to understand what social life / hobbies you need to stay happy and grounded. Then talk to your partner about how to arrange it and fit it in.
Think about fairness too.
When is your partner getting a break? Are you facilitating that process? If your partner says they don't want to do anything social, do you take the easy way out and stop asking or do you do everything you can to give them their own space? It can be very easy for new mums to put everyone else's needs first; part of your ‘job’ is to make sure that doesn't happen.
Consider the impact if you're pursuing your hobbies and social life and your partner isn't. It's a sure-fire way to create serious relationship tension.
Time together
It can be tricky in the early days to get time together away from your baby, but even if it's just for a few hours, while someone covers a nap, I guarantee the feeling of being partners and not just parents can be amazing if you let it.
Don't worry if you find yourself using that time to talk about your baby, we all do it!
Most importantly social life as a new parent requires planning and communication to ensure everyone gets the time "off" that they need, plus I think it's important to recognise and embrace how friendship groups change. You are going to find yourself becoming mates with the dads of your children's friends, embrace it!
3) Discrimination
There are split views on this – the TUC found a fatherhood bonus with dads getting promoted / earning more once they are fathers. Yet there is also research by remote meeting tech firm PowWowNow finding that dads also experience discrimination if they take time off to look after children:
👉 44% of fathers experienced discrimination in the workplace after exercising their right to take time off to look after their child.
👉 1 in 4 fathers suffered verbal abuse or mockery after taking time off to look after their children.
It’s really tough to be a woman though
Pregnant Then Screwed stats on pregnancy discrimination are eye opening and the combination of potential discrimination against any parent is particularly hard on dual income couples who both want to be active parents and have great careers.
Being clear on your priorities as an individual and as a family is key here. It might be tricky, but forging the right path for you will make you happier in the long run!
4) Money
Having a baby typically leads to more outgoings v potentially less income, you can quickly move from being a ‘DINKY’ couple (Dual Income No Kids Yet) into a ‘SITCOM’ (Single Income Two Children and Oppressive Mortgage).
But it’s no laughing matter if you aren’t prepared.
Do a budget, understand where all your money goes and what are needs and what are nice to haves. Additionally, you should have honest conversations about how you share income. Joint account or allowances? Whose income pays for what or is it all in one shared account?
It’s important to discuss money challenges because they are the number 1 reason marriages fail.
5) Mental Health
Mental health challenges in new dads are really common – the NCT report that “the number of men who become depressed in the first year after becoming a dad is double that of the general population.”
It’s not surprising when the focus is naturally on mum and baby, and it can feel really important to be strong and supportive for them. It can also be difficult to open up to those close to you, especially if you are not used to it or aren’t comfortable being vulnerable with friends and family.
But it matters. Talking to someone can be life changing or lifesaving, because it’s tough being pulled in different directions.
Photo Credit: @picsea via Unsplash
Men’s Emotional Mental Health & Miscarriage
In common with so many couples, we experienced miscarriages. Psychotherapist Noel McDermott looks at the emotional impact of miscarriage and how we can improve support for men.
Freya is nearly 12 and Struan nearly 9, but in common with so many couples, we experienced miscarriages. Our first and third pregnancies ended in early term miscarriage. In this important guest blog post, psychotherapist Noel McDermott looks at the emotional impact of miscarriage and how we can improve support for men. Many men can experience an acute emotional response to the loss of a pregnancy, and it is important to create space for their own experience. Here Noel looks at how loss is a natural process that needs a support approach as we pass through its stages.
Ian, Inspiring Dads
Men’s Emotional Mental Health & Miscarriage
Probably the most important thing to say about this is not that men will or won’t get any particular set of feelings and experiences after a miscarriage, but that the focus will be more on the woman and and the man’s experience will be seen as secondary. Their experience may well be different to their partner, and this may increase the sense that it is secondary. Guys are likely to see themselves as having to be strong in these situations and showing vulnerability and distress as failing in their role as supporter.
Toxic masculinity - signs of psychological distress
We can say with certainty that men who don’t identify difficult feelings and find support for them, will usually turn to destructive ways of coping. Much of what is termed ‘toxic masculinity’ is an expression of psychological distress. In this case, the lack of identifying and dealing healthily with difficult feelings, can result in excessive drinking, aggression, isolation, loss of sleep, changes in appetite, seeking sexual relationships outside the partnership as ways to cope.
How to deal with feelings in a positive way
There is a need to provide basic information to men going through this and present it in straightforward ways, explaining that there are positive and negative ways of dealing with feelings brought up during times of loss and distress and it’s very much a decision to be made, in therapy this is called a psycho-educational resource. Much distress and the development of maladaptive coping strategies can be avoided by this simple approach, of giving knowledge about what to expect and what is normal in times of psychological challenge. Psychoeducation is in fact one of the cornerstones of modern therapy and is evidenced to be highly effective both in treating distress but also in preventing it.
“What can’t happen is to not have feelings. Men may want to put to one side uncomfortable feelings so as to be better at helping and supporting or just to avoid pain. Emotions cannot exist selectively, it’s not possible to choose which ones to have, we either have them or we don’t. Not having emotions involves highly dysfunctional behaviours such as for example, excessive drug and alcohol consumption.”
Normalising feelings and emotions
What is normal and indeed healthy in this situation will in fact be a broad range of things, normalising is another tool that is very helpful. Knowing what we are experiencing is normal leads to us developing greater distress tolerance and reduces the likelihood of maladaptive acting out. We cope better being able to tell ourselves that this is just part of the experience. If a man is suffering from grief, he doesn’t necessarily cry, the range of things that might occur are:
Loss and loneliness
Anger and sadness
Numbing out through grief
Loss of libido or the opposite hyper-sexual responses
Feeling of guilt or the opposite displacement into blame
Problems with sleep, mood, emotional regulation, appetite, motivation, having a general sense of dread, not seeing a hopeful future
Struggles in the relationship as you seem to separate from each other in the hurt and loss
Male bonding: Men’s emotional health
Without a doubt the best therapy in life is the company and support of other humans that we care about and who care about us. The herd is where we feel safe and where we get most boosts from in terms of our health and wellbeing. Simply being in the company of folk we like when we are troubled will reduce our stress responses to our troubles. For men this is often the best approach, not dealing with the problem head on but in a roundabout way by having good social time with mates. Often guys will open up during these contacts but arranging to meet a mate to discuss their difficult feelings can often seem alien and indeed could be counterproductive. Activity based support often work better for men, the distraction of the activity reduces the tension of dealing with challenging feelings, particularly if, as is likely the case with miscarriage, there may be significant feelings of failure and shame.
How to support your partner after a miscarriage
Being able to be honest about how difficult a man is finding the loss, is often very helpful to their partner. Many men don’t intuit this as culturally they are not brought up so, but by actually revealing that you are struggling will help your partner and can in fact potentially reduce their own sense of failure and isolation. Though this won’t be true in all cases it is a general rule that is helpful. In this way the possibility of the relationship breaking up, which is the fear for the guy here, is reduced.
Male psychology as culturally programmed is to be of use, to be able to provide and do stuff, the more intangible support such as being rather doing can be experienced in an awkward manner. It’s an important skill in this though as loss is more of a natural process that needs little actual intervention as such, and more of a support approach as we pass through its stages.
About the Noel McDermott
Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care, and education. He has created unique, mental health services in the independent sector. Noel’s company offer at-home mental health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised care teams for the individual. They have recently launched a range of online therapy resources to help clients access help without leaving home – www.noelcdermott.net
Where to get more help
The Miscarriage Society produces a leaflet for men simply explaining what they might experience during this time. It legitimises men’s experiences during this time and provides the information in a way that is accessible and emotionally manageable -
https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Men-and-Miscarriage.pdf
Watch Noel as a Guest on the Lockdown Dads podcast
Our charity - 2WishUponAStar.org
Discover why we pledge 1% to 2 Wish Upon A Star
Our Charity 2WishUponAStar.org
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day.
Today I remember Paul Burke, the family he should have seen growing up and the life he was supposed to have.
When George Burke suddenly died aged just 1 year old, Rhian and Paul were left to cope by themselves. Paul would be here today if he had had the support he needed and deserved, support that the charity 2 Wish Upon A Star now provides.
“Immediate and ongoing bereavement support for families, individuals and professionals affected by the sudden and traumatic death of a child or young adult aged 25 or under.”
Paul was a good friend of mine and I have proudly supported the charity in private capacity with an annual charity hockey match, involving alumni of University College, London and the broader University of London community and I’m now delighted to support the charity via Inspiring Dads.
The third UN Global Goal for Sustainable Development is “Good Health And Well-Being” and I pledge 1% of Inspiring Dads sales value to help fund the incredibly valuable and important work that Rhian Mannings and her 2wishuponastar team do for families across Wales.
Rhian kindly allowed me to share her words
“I never thought I would be affected by someone taking their own life. It happened to other people. I will never ever come to terms with the fact that Paul walked out and never came home. However, I truly believe I am fortunate to know why. Many never find out why their child, brother, sister, parent or friend took their own life.
To lose someone you love more than words messes with your head and heart beyond words. To lose a child, breaks you beyond description and he couldn't cope. He couldn't cope with what we saw the night we lost George, he couldn't cope with the fact he, as a Daddy, couldn't make George better and following his death, make us feel better.
What I do know is that support at the time of George's death did not exist. When George was born we had so much support from so many agencies and professionals but after our beautiful boy died - NOTHING!!! If Paul had received support I believe he would be here today watching his children grow up.
That is why 2 Wish Upon A Star is so important. That is why reaching out to people at the most difficult times is important. By being there for those who need and deserve support I hope we can prevent another Daddy (or Mummy) walking out and never coming home!!!!!! xxx”
It's a wrap - 46 episodes of the Lockdown Dads Podcast
Recorded on ‘freedom day’ we reflect on 18 months of pandemic podcast chat, the highs and lows and the fascinating guests we have been lucky enough to have on the show.
It's a wrap - 46 episodes of Lockdown Dads Podcast
After 46 episodes James Millar and I call time on the Lockdown Dads podcast. Recorded on ‘freedom day’ we reflect on 18 months of pandemic podcast chat, the highs and lows and the fascinating guests we have been lucky enough to have on the show.
Although we have completed our fourth season, the truth is that the fear of catching Covid, home school disruption, and getting through the days are, in many ways, as prevalent as ever.
We consider some of the hopelessly optimistic predictions we made in the year - lockdown could be all over by June!? But also the certainty of the stay at home messaging v the weariness and low level anxiety of July 2021.
We talk about some of the guests that stuck in our minds and the good, the bad and the absurd of the tips we shared.
Who can forget James' pants discussion with Jessica Chivers (Ep20) or Ian going with "it's time to check your energy bills" with Will Champion, drummer in Coldplay (Ep35).
We put to bed the rumour that the best guests are ones with 50,000 Insta followers like Ian's brother Chris Dinwiddy (!), and discuss the amazingly practical mindful dad - Vidyadasa Ady Griffiths (Ep23) and less than amusing circumstances that comics Philip Simon (Ep6) and Tiernan Douieb (Ep3) faced throughout the pandemic.
We talk about research and data, emotionally tricky episodes with Rhian Mannings MBE Pride of Britain Award Winner (Ep38) and Brian Ballantyne (Ep37) and having a laugh with Nathan McGurl (Ep31) and Jamie Beaglehole (Ep34) So for the moment that is the end of Lockdown Dads, at least in this guise!
And our parting wish is, don't forget that "good enough is good enough."
Our Season 1 Guests
John Adams Han-Son Lee Fidel Modernman Beauhill Rachel Vecht Rob Taylor Freddie Bennett James Frith Noel McDermott Douglas Ross
Our season 2 contributors
Michael Ray Mari Williams The Mind Architect ™ Dr Jasmine Kelland Dan Reed Elliott Rae Yash Puri Dr Laura Radcliffe Nadia Nagamootoo (she/her) David Willans Martin Robinson
During Season 3 we also welcomed
Louise Goss Steve Myall Paul Bulos Nigel Clarke Dan Stanley Nicki Seignot to the show
And we wrapped up season 4 with
SIMON KETTLEWELL Ethan Salathiel Jeremy Davies Simon Gregory Olga FitzRoy and Will McDonald
Looking back - Lockdown Dads Season 3
We look back at the guests, the stories and the tips that caught our eye since January.
Looking Back at Lockdown Dads Season 3
We look back at the guests, the stories and the tips that caught our eye since January.
Contents
00:30 Weathermen, Ian’s course development, Covid scare at school and Couch to 5k
03:00 James finally gets physio on his back
05:15 Working from home with kids around
06:30 The return to office life and the Goldman Sachs way of working
09:00 Are the government actually consulting on flexible working rights?
11:00 Linking working patterns to gender equality
12:00 Home-school since January
14:00 The novelty wearing off for Dads?
15:00 We discuss John Adams and Dr Jasmine Kelland LinkedIn Live - Parents in the Pandemic
17:25 Stand out moments with Nathan McGurl, Dan Stanley and Will Champion
19:00 Lessons from Coldplay, Wise Brian Ballantyne, Practical tips from Louise Goss and Rhian Mannings’ story
21:00 Planning the summer season
22:00 Joining the dots between sexual violence and equality in the home
28:30 Looking back at the season tips
31:30 This Week’s Tips
Read Rob Parsons - The Heart of Success
Open Easter eggs with your head (and why not?!)
Rhian Mannings MBE - Making a Real difference
In 2012 Rhian Mannings’ life suddenly and tragically changed when first her young son George died, followed 5 days later by her husband Paul. She then founded 2 Wish Upon A Star.
Rhian Mannings MBE - Making a Real Difference
In 2012 Rhian Mannings’ life suddenly and tragically changed when first her young son George died, followed 5 days later by her husband Paul.
In this important and uplifting conversation we explore how support was missing for bereaved parents like Rhian and Paul and how, what she imagined would be “hobby”, turned into a nationwide charity called 2 Wish Upon A Star providing immediate and ongoing bereavement support for families, individuals and professionals affected by the sudden and traumatic death of a child or young adult aged 25 or under.
We learn about the importance of the elephant in the bereavement box (and in the room) and discuss “masculinities” and how they have an impact on how and when men seek out the help they need.
Plus we scatter some celebrity stardust from the likes of Sam Warburton, Will Champion, Nick Knowles and Michael Sheen.
Contents
01:00 Spring, getting out the house in Wales, rugby and the importance of sport
03:10 Why The Great Escape is analogy for how James feels
05:40 Rhian’s path to founding 2 Wish Upon a Star. Losing George and Paul.
“Over the next few days, what was clear, very quickly, was that there was no support available to us as a family. We were very much abandoned by the system really. Luckily we had amazing family and friends around us, we were lucky in that respect.”
07:00 Starting the charity - I just needed something to keep me going.
08:30 Lacking support, Paul blamed himself.
“We got a piece of paper with some phone numbers on, some of them were out of order and I'm still waiting for the rest of them to contact me today.”
09:40 Going into A&E departments and asking for the person in charge
“And I said, what will happen today? If a child died suddenly? And the same thing that happened to us would have happened to them.”
11:00 Finding the strength to tell her story
12:30 Ian talks about his friendship with Paul and the first time he met Rhian
14:15 Reflecting on bereavement and how different families have coped with lockdown
15:00 Keeping 2 Wish Upon A Star going during lockdown
16:40 The elephant in the room - memory boxes and remembering
“When George died, I'll never forget the nurses just panicked because they couldn't find anything to perhaps take some fingerprints or hand prints or some, some of his curls.”
19:00 Paul felt like he’d failed everyone
“You know, his exact words to my sister at one point was “Daddies, shouldn't let their children die” “
21:00 Multiple masculinities and the pressure men can feel
23:00 Supporting dads - the importance of sport in the charity’s work.
24:30 The Welsh rugby team - role models for mental health
26:00 Celebrity Ambassadors - Will Champion and Nick Knowles
27:00 Super actor Michael Sheen unveiled as new ambassador!
Tips
Photograph your kids asleep (!)
Recognise when you nee to plug your battery in
Understand that reaching out the help is not a sign of weakness, it is often a sign of strength.
———————————-
Connect or contact with Rhian and her charity
Ian Dinwiddy, Founder
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