5 Practical Tips to cope with the Impact of Fatherhood

Practical Impacts of Fatherhood aka “You don't know what you don't know”

Becoming a dad for the first time can be tough, it doesn’t matter how many books you read you can’t know or be prepared for everything.

This blog post walks you through 5 common practical impacts of fatherhood and gives you tips to navigate your way.

·         Sleep Deprivation

·         Social Life

·         Discrimination

·         Money

·         Mental Health

1) Sleep Deprivation

Did you know that babies aren't considered physically able to sleep through the night until they are at least 6 months old? Sure, you can get lucky - our first, Freya was an amazing sleeper, but she screamed all day due to her reflux!

While our babies can’t prioritise sleep, adults have a lot more control, but sometimes sleeping doesn’t appear to be a good use of our time and there is a danger that you put your entertainment time ahead of sleep in the evenings. Yes, we all need to unwind, but allowing that to eat into sleep time is going to counterproductive. 

Consider my client Andy's observation:

"If you can prioritise you and your partners ability to sleep then a lot of the other things fall into place, it makes the hard stuff easier with a clear head.  If you're both sleep deprived, it makes even the minor issues trigger points for disagreement."

While the excellent and thought-provoking book Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker reminds us of the importance of sleep.

"It enhances your memory, makes you more attractive. It keeps you slim and lowers food cravings. It protects you from cancer and dementia. It wards off colds and flu. It lowers your risk of heart attacks and stroke, not to mention diabetes. You’ll even feel happier, less depressed, and less anxious."

2) Social Life (or not)

Photo Credit: @alevisionco via Unsplash

New parents’ lack of social life is a cliché for a reason. Life has changed, it won't be forever, but always remember that babies do not respect a hangover.

You need to think about three things

• "Putting your oxygen mask on first"

• Is it fair?

• Time together

You need to look after yourself to be able look after other people. As they say when you fly, put your own oxygen mask on first. It's important to understand what social life / hobbies you need to stay happy and grounded. Then talk to your partner about how to arrange it and fit it in.

Think about fairness too. 

When is your partner getting a break? Are you facilitating that process? If your partner says they don't want to do anything social, do you take the easy way out and stop asking or do you do everything you can to give them their own space? It can be very easy for new mums to put everyone else's needs first; part of your ‘job’ is to make sure that doesn't happen.

Consider the impact if you're pursuing your hobbies and social life and your partner isn't. It's a sure-fire way to create serious relationship tension.

Time together

It can be tricky in the early days to get time together away from your baby, but even if it's just for a few hours, while someone covers a nap, I guarantee the feeling of being partners and not just parents can be amazing if you let it. 

Don't worry if you find yourself using that time to talk about your baby, we all do it!

Most importantly social life as a new parent requires planning and communication to ensure everyone gets the time "off" that they need, plus I think it's important to recognise and embrace how friendship groups change. You are going to find yourself becoming mates with the dads of your children's friends, embrace it!

3) Discrimination

There are split views on this – the TUC found a fatherhood bonus with dads getting promoted / earning more once they are fathers. Yet there is also research by remote meeting tech firm PowWowNow finding that dads also experience discrimination if they take time off to look after children:

👉 44% of fathers experienced discrimination in the workplace after exercising their right to take time off to look after their child. 

👉 1 in 4 fathers suffered verbal abuse or mockery after taking time off to look after their children.

It’s really tough to be a woman though

Pregnant Then Screwed stats on pregnancy discrimination are eye opening and the combination of potential discrimination against any parent is particularly hard on dual income couples who both want to be active parents and have great careers.

Being clear on your priorities as an individual and as a family is key here. It might be tricky, but forging the right path for you will make you happier in the long run!

4) Money

Having a baby typically leads to more outgoings v potentially less income, you can quickly move from being a ‘DINKY’ couple (Dual Income No Kids Yet) into a ‘SITCOM’ (Single Income Two Children and Oppressive Mortgage).

But it’s no laughing matter if you aren’t prepared.

Do a budget, understand where all your money goes and what are needs and what are nice to haves. Additionally, you should have honest conversations about how you share income. Joint account or allowances? Whose income pays for what or is it all in one shared account?

It’s important to discuss money challenges because they are the number 1 reason marriages fail.  

5) Mental Health

Mental health challenges in new dads are really common – the NCT report that “the number of men who become depressed in the first year after becoming a dad is double that of the general population.”

It’s not surprising when the focus is naturally on mum and baby, and it can feel really important to be strong and supportive for them. It can also be difficult to open up to those close to you, especially if you are not used to it or aren’t comfortable being vulnerable with friends and family.

But it matters. Talking to someone can be life changing or lifesaving, because it’s tough being pulled in different directions.

Photo Credit: @picsea via Unsplash

Men’s Emotional Mental Health & Miscarriage

Freya is nearly 12 and Struan nearly 9, but in common with so many couples, we experienced miscarriages. Our first and third pregnancies ended in early term miscarriage. In this important guest blog post, psychotherapist Noel McDermott looks at the emotional impact of miscarriage and how we can improve support for men. Many men can experience an acute emotional response to the loss of a pregnancy, and it is important to create space for their own experience. Here Noel looks at how loss is a natural process that needs a support approach as we pass through its stages.

Ian, Inspiring Dads

Men’s Emotional Mental Health & Miscarriage

Probably the most important thing to say about this is not that men will or won’t get any particular set of feelings and experiences after a miscarriage, but that the focus will be more on the woman and and the man’s experience will be seen as secondary. Their experience may well be different to their partner, and this may increase the sense that it is secondary. Guys are likely to see themselves as having to be strong in these situations and showing vulnerability and distress as failing in their role as supporter. 

Toxic masculinity - signs of psychological distress

We can say with certainty that men who don’t identify difficult feelings and find support for them, will usually turn to destructive ways of coping. Much of what is termed ‘toxic masculinity’ is an expression of psychological distress. In this case, the lack of identifying and dealing healthily with difficult feelings, can result in excessive drinking, aggression, isolation, loss of sleep, changes in appetite, seeking sexual relationships outside the partnership as ways to cope.

How to deal with feelings in a positive way

There is a need to provide basic information to men going through this and present it in straightforward ways, explaining that there are positive and negative ways of dealing with feelings brought up during times of loss and distress and it’s very much a decision to be made, in therapy this is called a psycho-educational resource. Much distress and the development of maladaptive coping strategies can be avoided by this simple approach, of giving knowledge about what to expect and what is normal in times of psychological challenge. Psychoeducation is in fact one of the cornerstones of modern therapy and is evidenced to be highly effective both in treating distress but also in preventing it.

“What can’t happen is to not have feelings. Men may want to put to one side uncomfortable feelings so as to be better at helping and supporting or just to avoid pain. Emotions cannot exist selectively, it’s not possible to choose which ones to have, we either have them or we don’t. Not having emotions involves highly dysfunctional behaviours such as for example, excessive drug and alcohol consumption.” 

Normalising feelings and emotions

What is normal and indeed healthy in this situation will in fact be a broad range of things, normalising is another tool that is very helpful. Knowing what we are experiencing is normal leads to us developing greater distress tolerance and reduces the likelihood of maladaptive acting out. We cope better being able to tell ourselves that this is just part of the experience. If a man is suffering from grief, he doesn’t necessarily cry, the range of things that might occur are:

• Loss and loneliness

• Anger and sadness

• Numbing out through grief

• Loss of libido or the opposite hyper-sexual responses

• Feeling of guilt or the opposite displacement into blame

• Problems with sleep, mood, emotional regulation, appetite, motivation, having a general sense of dread, not seeing a hopeful future

• Struggles in the relationship as you seem to separate from each other in the hurt and loss

Male bonding: Men’s emotional health

Without a doubt the best therapy in life is the company and support of other humans that we care about and who care about us. The herd is where we feel safe and where we get most boosts from in terms of our health and wellbeing. Simply being in the company of folk we like when we are troubled will reduce our stress responses to our troubles. For men this is often the best approach, not dealing with the problem head on but in a roundabout way by having good social time with mates. Often guys will open up during these contacts but arranging to meet a mate to discuss their difficult feelings can often seem alien and indeed could be counterproductive. Activity based support often work better for men, the distraction of the activity reduces the tension of dealing with challenging feelings, particularly if, as is likely the case with miscarriage, there may be significant feelings of failure and shame.

How to support your partner after a miscarriage

Being able to be honest about how difficult a man is finding the loss, is often very helpful to their partner. Many men don’t intuit this as culturally they are not brought up so, but by actually revealing that you are struggling will help your partner and can in fact potentially reduce their own sense of failure and isolation. Though this won’t be true in all cases it is a general rule that is helpful. In this way the possibility of the relationship breaking up, which is the fear for the guy here, is reduced.

Male psychology as culturally programmed is to be of use, to be able to provide and do stuff, the more intangible support such as being rather doing can be experienced in an awkward manner. It’s an important skill in this though as loss is more of a natural process that needs little actual intervention as such, and more of a support approach as we pass through its stages. 

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About the Noel McDermott

Noel McDermott is a Psychotherapist with over 25 years’ experience in health, social care, and education. He has created unique, mental health services in the independent sector. Noel’s company offer at-home mental health care and will source, identify and co-ordinate personalised care teams for the individual. They have recently launched a range of online therapy resources to help clients access help without leaving home – www.noelcdermott.net  

 Where to get more help 

The Miscarriage Society produces a leaflet for men simply explaining what they might experience during this time. It legitimises men’s experiences during this time and provides the  information in a way that is accessible and emotionally manageable -

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/Men-and-Miscarriage.pdf 

Watch Noel as a Guest on the Lockdown Dads podcast

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"I'm gonna be like you, dad"

“I’m Gonna Be Like You, Dad”

The Cat’s in the Cradle is a 1974 song that (according to Wikipedia) started life as poem inspired by “the awkward relationship”, between a father and son.

A man becomes a father in the first verse but is too busy to spend time with his son, this patterns repeats throughout the song, while the son saying he will grow up just like him. At the end the pattern is complete with the son being too busy to spend time with his dad.

It points to two important themes for dads to consider

1) Making time now

2) The importance of role-modelling.

Originally performed by Harry Chapin who is quoted as saying "Frankly, this song scares me to death."

Cat’s in the Cradle

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw, I said, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that's okay
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
It said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then.

Role modelling matters for working dads in so many ways

Role modelling matters for working dads in so many ways

“I saw a comment on Facebook recently, it was a mum talking about the importance of career role modelling for her daughter, showing her a future where she could smash the glass ceiling, to be anything she wanted to be.

It got me thinking. We don’t use the same language when we talk about dads. Yes, we describe the benefits of dads being great role models for healthy masculinity for their sons, but I’m not sure we ever say the same about role modelling for daughters?”

I cover two key areas that all dads should be thinking about:

Five reasons why equality at home should matter to you. 

and

What can you do to support equality at home?

Photo Credit: Adobe stock via workingdads.co.uk

Life Lessons Everywhere

Life Lessons Everywhere

I was watching my son's team compete in the Tandridge League U8s Trophy Final on Sunday, after a strong first half they ended up losing 6-3, which was a shame…

In hindsight there were some great life lessons to think about

• Do what works, if passing the ball worked in the first half, keep doing it - stay consistent.

• Stay aware of what's happening around you, sometimes you need to slow down, keep possession (of your thoughts) and look for the pass (opportunity.)

• Making life easier for yourself and 'your team' is so important, it's easier the keep the ball then chase and have to win it back again.

• When there's a good option to pass, take the pass, don't always try and score by yourself.

• If you try and to do it all yourself people stop making themselves available for you, if you ignore the teammate running into space to create an easy 1 2 1, then maybe next time they might not make the run.

T.E.A.M. = Together Everyone Achieves More.

What life lesson did you notice this week?

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"Helping Stressed Dads Balance Work and Fatherhood"

I believe that the transition from 'lad to dad', especially the first time round, is the most important and fundamental change any man will face, but it's a transition that leaves many really struggling.

Whereas mums, carrying a baby, are intimately connected to the process of getting ready to be a parent, dads tell me again and again that they only "became a father" when their baby is born.

Birth itself can be sudden and traumatic for everyone involved and this just piles the pressure and stress on, no wonder dads experience depression and mental health challenges.

BTW if you have any doubts you need to read Elliott Rae's PTSD story

Let's talk about dads, let's talk about the pressures and the support that is available, and most importantly let's normalise dads at the heart of the conversation about parenting, because equality at home is fundamentally linked to equality in the workplace.

Research call

WOMBA and Hult International Business School are collaborating to conduct a research study exploring how working parents experience the transition to parenthood in an organizational context. As part of this project, we are inviting working parents (mums and dads) to take part in an interview to share their experiences.

They want to interview:

Working fathers - professional men who have taken shared or enhanced paternity leave within the past two years.

If that sounds like something you could help with please contact

alison@wombagroup.com

Photo Credit Daniel Norin via Unsplash @danielnorin

The New Balance Of Work And Fatherhood Post Covid

The New Balance Of Work And Fatherhood Post Covid

Happy Father's Day!

I've written a call to arms piece for Thriving Talent called 'The New Balance Of Work And Fatherhood Post Covid.'

I have a look at what dads want, the impact of Covid-19 on both men and women and look at why championing dads at work really does matter in 2021.

I talk well-being, equality at home and in the workplace and finish with 5 steps businesses need to take this year.

“Not only that, dads report improved mental health and better relationships with their families. The Fatherhood Institute Report – Lockdown Dads the Untold Story found that 65% of ‘partnered’ fathers “reported better father-child relationship following lockdown, rising to 73% among those who were full-time at home.”

As The Guardian reports, Dads have realised what they have been missing out on:

"If he’d been working his usual hours, he would have missed his son’s first giggle already. “That stopped me in my tracks,” he says. “I want these initial things. I want to see his first steps. I want his first words.”

It makes sense that happier dads will perform better at work and have better mental health, but supporting dads is also a route to gender equality.”

Photo Credit Bermix Studio v Unsplash @bermixstudio

In conversation with Coldplay's Will Champion

Champion of the World

The musician who doesn’t read music, the drummer who didn’t play the drums and a calming, pragmatic influence in Coldplay. In this episode of Lockdown Dads, we discover how a focus on their relationships has been as important as the music, what work life balance means in a band when you have kids and what Will is looking forward to most when lockdown finishes.

Self described (with tongue in cheek) “soft rock dinosaur,” we find out how Will feels about the A Head Full of Dreams documentary - the good, the cringe-worthy and the comforting.

We explore how the pandemic has been for the band, for his family and sadness he feels for artists on the cusp of success - with momentum pulled from under them.

Will talks openly about family, fatherhood and masculinity - the similarities between his role as a dad at home and his role in his second family where fortunately no one is a frustrated frontman!

Luck, personalities, hard work and a focus on relationships and above all else being grateful.

Contents

01:00 Definitely an air of optimism, a bit of light at the end of the tunnel for my kids.

01:50 Not touring with the last album turned out to be almost clairvoyant…

“We've managed to find a few moments to kind of play together and to record together, which has been brilliant. And so we're just sort of planning the next move really.”

02:45 We're lucky because we can afford to wait and we can we can choose the right time to do it for us

“I just feel so sorry for so many people, because momentum is a hard thing to kind of conjure up. And when you have it as a band or an artist or in any walk of life it's really good to try and grab it when you can. For so many people, that opportunity has been ripped away. So I think we're very lucky in this situation that we're in.”

04:00 Ian looking forward to the end of home school and binge watch Marvel films for the first time.

06:20 James - great weather, but an irritating Joe Wicks injury!

08:00 Will’s working dad status - father of three and freelancer

08:56 Olga Fitzroy is like Bruce Wayne. (Read more about her Parental Pay Equality campaign)

“Extraordinary sound engineer and producer by day and a politician and campaigner by night… she's brilliant.”

09:50 Children, touring and balancing family life with work.

“On the most recent tour we did in 2016, the Head Full of Dreams tour, I think the longest I was away from my kids and my wife at any one time, it was about two weeks. it takes a lot of planning and it takes a lot of organization, but ultimately it's what keeps us happy and what keeps us able to commit and to really throw ourselves into the music.”

12:40 Being in a band is like being in a family.

“We realised early on was that in order to make sure that we were going to stay together, for the band to be healthy, we had to concentrate as much on us or the interpersonal relationships as we do on our music.”

Chemistry between band mates is the most prized possession that you have…

15:15 Too busy for boxsets, books and learning new languages

17:00 We talk about the A Head Full of Dreams documentary

“I think it's a lovely thing for people who like our music and like our band… what's amazing is to be able to see that the core, that was there at the beginning is still there. And I think that's the most important thing for me from that film is that I can just see the same people and the same friendship at the core of it.”

20:00 The secret to Coldplay longevity - dynamics, personalities, friendships and a bit of luck.

“I also think that quite often in bands, you get…. more than one person who wants to be at the front and in our band, that's absolutely not the case. We have three people who definitely don't want to be at the front, and one person who's really good at being at the front.”

23:30 Will’s lack of previous drumming experience - could Ian have been in Coldplay?

"I went to audition to get drum lessons and they said no, we can't teach you..."

25:30 It’s been tough for Will’s kids, especially his eldest.

27:30 Making memories and making the best of Lockdown - The Quarantine Bar at 5pm on a Friday.

30:45 Studio time, being productive and Brian Eno’s advice

32:30 Weekly zoom calls and very intense, but very productive 2 week slots of time.

33:15 Multiple masculinities - Will’s role as a dad v his role in the band

“I feel like my role in the band is quite a similar one to my role in my family. which is convenient”

“I suspect it makes for possibly… not the most exciting member of the band, but an important one, nonetheless.”

36:30 Ambition, competition and balance

“It's a lovely feeling to be part of a team that really works.”

38:45 What are we going to do first, when we’re allowed - Will visiting his dad plus

“Just going out for some food, I've had enough of my own cooking. I think I'd love for someone else to make me dinner.”

40:40

This week’s bumper selection of tips

• Make a playlist, include The Scientist

“Nobody said it would be easy, but nobody said it would be this hard”

and some The Blue Nile plus watch out for James’ appearance on Steve Wright’s Golden Oldies on the 8th March.

• For International Women’s Day read Annie Lennox’s piece on Feminism and dialogue with men

• It’s Energy Switch time

• Challenge yourself musically

Previously Will learnt Blackbird and during this lockdown has been learning to play Nimrod by Edward Elgar on the piano

• Listen to podcasts

“I've been inspired by my wife who's been voraciously devouring podcasts, and I've never really got into podcasts until recently. And there were so many brilliant things that you can listen to now, things that are extremely niche and some that are very broad. So listen to more podcasts.”

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More reading and links

Annie Lennox (subscribe to read)

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/only-if-the-women-s-movement-opens-a-dialogue-with-men-can-we-end-misogyny-c8zxp0pcj

James’ review of previous guest Martin Robinson’s New Book

https://www.workingdads.co.uk/martin-robinson-masculinity-book-you-are-not-the-man-you-are-supposed-to-be/

RIP George and Paul x

Special request

If you’ve enjoyed this content please consider making a donation to 2 Wish Upon A Star, a charity very close to the hearts of both Will and I.

Founded by Rhian Mannings, OBE and Pride of Britain award winner, in memory of her one year old son and husband who died within a week of each other in 2012.

2 Wish Upon A Star provides immediate and ongoing bereavement support for families, individuals and professionals affected by the sudden and traumatic death of a child or young adult aged 25 or under.

Thank you

Ian

The 'Gram, The Blog and The Daddy

The 'Gram, The Blog and The Daddy

A trailblazer for same sex adoption, Jamie is the Daddy of Daddy and Dad. What started as an exploration of the highs and lows of Jamie and Tom’s story of adopting two young brothers from foster care, became an award winning blog, key agency resource and an opportunity to work with major brands.

A timely redundancy lead to a focus on blogging, before dipping their toes into Instagram (not just for vintage cat photos…) and moving into the realms of influencing.

We explore the journey into fatherhood, how navigating trauma from previous lives is part and parcel of the adoption process. Plus relationship dynamics in a same sex couple (hint… the breadwinner / carer tension is the same) and the challenges of being dads in a mum’s world.

Contents

01:00 Half term, home-school and house moving.

03:10 James does care what the weatherman says.

04:00 Pets and waiting on Boris.

05:40 Booking holidays and being on TV.

07:00 James reflects on Ian’s sister in law’s Valentine dance.

08:30 The Path - “of course we're two dads, so options for starting a family are slightly different to other couples.”

09:40 Adoption is a huge, convoluted, overwhelming process and at the end of it, you become a family overnight

10:20 I thought maybe I'd write a book or maybe we'd do some kind of video blog or but blogging was my expertise.

11:30 “I was really trying to lay out exactly how I was feeling and how lost we felt sometimes, which people really identified with.”

12:30

Adoption agencies picked it up as a resource for potential adopters to read and it grew really quickly.

“I was made redundant, and it was cliched and everyone said it would be, but it was the best thing for me career wise because I just applied all that extra time on the blog and, and it grew and grew and started to win awards and and really became quite a big part of our lives as well.”

13:45 The mad world of parenthood - there's certain themes that I think everybody can recognise

15:00 Blogging inspiration from soft play and trampoline parks.

17:30 Instagram - not just pictures of cats

20:40 Relationship dynamics - breadwinner and carer

24:30 Support for adoptive parents

26:10 Dads in a mum’s world

27:20 Covid and a pub manager getting it all wrong.

28:00 Changing facilities for dads with babies

30:00 Gay men in a straight world - Valentine's Day and Mother’s Day

Tips 31:10

• Read Martin Robinson’s book - “You Are Not The Man You're Supposed To Be”

• Involve kids in decision making - a quick story about alarm clocks and bedtime habits.

• Watch The Morning Show, Apple TV +, with Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Aniston

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Connect with Jamie

https://www.daddyanddad.co.uk/

https://www.instagram.com/daddyanddad/

Why supporting new dads in the workplace is key to gender equality

Written for HR Zone

Why supporting new dads in the workplace is key to gender equality

The cultural norms around work are changing at a rapid rate thanks to the pandemic, but we must not allow it to widen the gender gap at work. A key part of this is creating the right conditions for working dads to take on their share of the caring responsibilities.

Writing for HR Zone I explored three key themes:

1. Stressed dads seek new ways of working

2. Dads fear being seen as 'uncommitted' 

3. Equality starts at home

“Gender equality took a big hit in 2020. At the start of the pandemic, the government suspended enforcement of gender pay gap reporting. Domestically, women took on more unpaid labour and despite evidence that the first Covid-19 lockdown led to a 58% increase in childcare undertaken by men, the equality gap widened and more recently those gains appear to have rolled back. Facebook groups such as The Career Mum are full of stories from working mums taking on a disproportionate share of unpaid domestic labour, whether it’s childcare, home school support or the mental load.”

Connect with me on LinkedIn and join the debate

How to build meaningful relationships with your partner and your children

How to build meaningful relationships with your partner and your children.

Are you concerned that you and your partner aren’t on the same page?

Do you wonder if your family think it is “all” worth it?

Written for the Dadvengers Community

It’s easy to get complacent, to think your family life is running smoothly. Then you turn around and discover too late that the solid foundations you thought you were building, aren’t as solid as you had hoped or expected.

Which is why it’s so important to build meaningful relationships that support your family life.

The good news is, it’s never too late to reflect on what your version of “Christmas Future” looks like and make changes. This is especially true if the answer to either of those questions is Yes.

Getting it right matters as friend of mine, let’s call him Toby, illustrates evocatively about his relationship breakdown:

“If there’s one thing I wish we’d done better, it would have been to have those really honest discussions – rather than the more off-hand comments and observations – about the work life balance for both of us, including as a couple and as parents.  

But hey – we live and learn, eh?!”

Head over to the Dadvengers website to read the rest of the piece, including these topics:

• Meaningful relationships require open and honest conversations.  

• Meaningful relationships need shared purpose.

• Meaningful relationships require equality at home.

• How to build meaningful relationships with your children

Plus you can watch Nigel and I on the Dadvengers’ “Dad Chats Live” over on Instagram. We talked about the content, shared stories and answered Q&A with the viewers.

Our conversation starts at 9min and you can catch up and watch here:

Photo Credit @nate_dumlao via Unsplash