How To… Fix Your Work Life Balance and save your Relationship

How to… fix your work life balance and save your relationship

Real men, real stories

“Lockdown”, “Furlough”, “Self Isolation”… Covid is the gift that keeps giving.

Relationships are under pressure like never before - stress, worry and physical confinement are a heady cocktail of ingredients for relationship trauma.

But, it WILL get better and then you’ll have a massive opportunity.

The New Reality

With so many men spending a lot more time at home, physically away from the regular work environment, we're in the midst of a massive upheaval and redefinition of who does what around the home.

and this includes parenting...

The world tends to assume that only mums are able to look after children and men can't do that role. It's incredibly damaging for relationships, choice and opportunity.

Men don't feel able to be anything other than "all in" for work and women struggle with trying to do everything for everyone.

At the moment the emotional and mental load are cranked up to 11 and men need to step up to the domestic plate in a way that we might not ever have had to before.

Photo credit: Matthew Rader via Unsplash @matthew_t_rader

The opportunity

But I have faith in our ability to take on those domestic roles that society doesn’t believe we can do and then we can change the entire conversation about what it means to be a dad.

We aren’t just breadwinners. We’re stand-in teachers, cooks, ironing machines and leaders and to continue the amazing benefits we’ve already experienced when we merging our work and home lives we’re going to need better work life balance.

Not just to be a hero to our kids and being there for the moments that matter, but taking on our fair share around the house.

This will be the opportunity to fix your work life balance once and for all and be the hands on, active and involved father you don’t remember growing up.

Don’t get me wrong, our dads did their best, but it that was a different time and you want to be a different type of dad.

If Covid-19 has taught us one thing, it’s that many of us don’t HAVE to be in the office to do our jobs. Technology and a can do attitude are powerful tools to create a new way of working.

A way that allows us to the type of dad you always wanted to be.

It’s time to fix your work life balance and save your relationship

⭐ You’ll need to be honest about what is truly important to you.

⭐ Learn to communicate effectively as a couple, so that everyone’s needs are met.

⭐ Understand the financial trade-offs you might need to make to ALL be happy.

⭐ Dedicate time to focusing on what is really important to your family.

Let these men Inspire You with Their real stories

1) Sean’s story

Doctor Sean and his family left London 18 months ago to escape to the country.

He made the decision to trade some professional kudos and financial reward for a life in the country, seeing his kids every night for dinner and bedtime plus most weekends. They choose to move to a part of the country where they have family close by for help and social life.

In contrast Sean’s London peers are out working all day, everyday and don’t get to see their kids.

After trying a couple of different work patterns, he and his wife have decided that the best combination of professional progress, income and family time are for Sean to work M, T, Th, F plus 3 in 4 Wednesdays and 1 in 4 Saturdays.

“This will be an income hit but I will at least be able to take the kids to school once a month and have most weekends with them.”

To support his work life balance Sean tries to work a bit smarter, allowing him to leave on time. He is also stricter with his home time - he has stopped answering emails etc out of work hours which he has found surprisingly liberating!

Challenges

“It’s difficult because I need to put the graft in now to make a name for myself, meaning more work will come my way at more convenient times, rather than working the graveyard Saturday shift.

But nothing has changed our underlying vision for how we wanted to live our lives”

2) Insight from Adam - how much money do you actually need?

Adam used to work in the Financial Services industry, he’s now part time in the building trade.

“Ian, you’ve no idea how much money I earnt two years ago, but I gave it up mate, gave it up for the kids, because wanted to spend time with them now.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t go back, but right now it matters to be there for them”

3) Will took action before it was too late

“It was Easter when I said I couldn’t do it anymore. I think it was something about always seeing darkness. I decided I couldn’t tolerate how I was living any more. I could feel the signs that it was getting too much.

The thing is I knew how bad it could get – I was an alcoholic (now 7 years clean). I didn’t want to reach rock bottom again before did something about it.”

Will’s full story is here.

4) A warning from Toby

“If there's one thing I wish we'd done better, it would have been to have those really honest discussions - rather than the more off-hand comments and observations - about the work life balance for both of us, including as a couple and as parents.

But hey - we live and learn, eh?!”

Toby and his wife are separated and to a large extent due to a failure to sort out their work life balance.

Things those guys know, and you need to know…

1. Be honest about what is truly important to you.

2. As a couple you must communicate and agree your priorities.

3. Do the maths - work out the financial trade offs you need to make.

4. Have a plan to stay focused on what is important.

That’s all great Ian but HOW do I actually achieve better work life balance?

get our free PDF and learn How to Implement Our Top Ten Tips to get control of your work life balance.

✅ Stop wasting time and find out what is really causing your work / life stress.

✅ Take control of your working life and avoid burning out.

✅ Reduce your stress - sleep and eat better, gain more energy for your relationships and playing with your children.

✅ Learn what are your real options and rights are, not just what your boss thinks!

✅ Evaluate what type of Dad you want to be and USE this to decide what you want.

✅ Checklist of the steps you need to take to be READY to get what you want.

✅ PLUS - get organised, manage your time and be there when you're there.

“Happier, Healthier and more Heroic.”

Get your free download today - no sign up required!

PS

If you want to know why I know what I’m talking about you can read my story here.

Our Mission - inspiring dads to work more flexibly to benefit everyone

Why does male work life balance matter?

Ian Dinwiddy, founder of Inspiring Dads, explains why their mission is so important (600 words)

After 7 years of management consultancy, shortly after his first child was born, Ian became a ‘Stay at Home Dad’ which he successfully mixed with freelance work and national league hockey umpiring.

In 2018 Inspiring Dads Ltd was born.

The seven-year itch then?

Management Consultancy was never going to be a great fit with our primary, family goal of one of us always ‘being there for the children’ (at time of writing - Freya 8 and Struan 5). So, I took the bit of consultancy that I loved, and retrained as a coach before discovering my niche. I realised I wanted to help and support those men whose work-life balance is causing them stress.

Why ‘men’ and why ‘work-life balance’?

Within the coaching industry you’ll find plenty of Life Coaches who specialise in working with female clients and you’ll find executive coaching designed to improve work performance.

What you won’t find is coaching and support to help men be successful at ‘life’. When men become dads, it is as much of an upheaval and an emotional and practical challenge as it is for women.

Haven’t men always been considered the ‘hunter-gatherers’?

Surveys tell us that men want to spend time with their children, but society and the workplace is conditioned to treat men as providers (and women as carers).

Men who seek to spend more time with their families are treated with suspicion and are seen as ‘not committed.’ In fact, rather than spending more time with their new families men end up working harder and longer.

Lack of good work-life balance causes massive amounts of stress and potential relationship breakdown.

Is there positive news?

The good news is that there is a whole generation of dads who understand that the old model of one parent, commonly the man, being 'all in' for work is looking increasingly old fashioned, even archaic.

What do Dads really want?

Simple really – to Be a Great Dad AND Have A Great Career.

There are 3 key elements

👉 They want to be happy and they want their families to be happy.

👉 They want to see more of their families.

👉 They want better quality time when they have it.

Flexible working has a key role to play in facilitating improved work-life balance.

Does flexible working for men matter?

It would be very easy to dismiss this as men finding out what women have known for a long time, it's hard to have it all. At Inspiring Dads we see this as an opportunity… By harnessing the energy and desire of a new generation of dads, we can design a new way of living and working and unlock profound benefits for everyone.

When men are unable to access flexible working, too often it is women who are obliged to take lower paid roles in order to gain the flexibility that they require for family childcare commitments.

This reinforces the gender pay gap that develops long before adults become parents, as assumptions about childcare and parenting responsibilities discriminate against women and trap men in the cycle of men as providers, women as carers.

What are the positives?

When men are supported and inspired to access flexible working

✅ Dads would be happier

✅ Families would be happier

✅ There would be genuine choice as to how to divide childcare responsibilities.

✅ The gender pay gap would reduce.

Your vision for the future?

Men using their power, voice and agency to seek out and achieve flexible working, normalising it for everyone.

It’s time to inspire, support and challenge Dads to make changes for everyone’s benefit.

Book Review - Dads Don't Babysit, Freed and Millar 2018

click here > my review on Amazon

A couple of weeks ago I discovered a podcast called First Time Dads and heard James Millar, one of the authors of Dads Don’t Babysit.

I loved the discussion so much I went and bought the book. Now I love the book - it’s like reading my own ideas only a lot more coherent (!)

Crucially it seeks to answer the questions - why are fathers sometimes unwilling, but more often unable to share the pleasures of parenting?

#worklifebalance #equallives