Building The New Reality

Building The New Reality

I was chatting with our next-door neighbour Ted..
 
Ted - "Have you seen that the new build has been sold?"
Me - "Err... Ted, what do you mean by the 'new build'?”
Ted - "You know… the new build, 4 doors down from us..."
 
mentally I cross off 4 houses...
 
Me - "I didn't, no, but why's it called the new build?"
Ted - "didn't you know, it got destroyed in the war and rebuilt."
Me - “ah ha…”
 
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The 'new build' has stood for more than 60 years... Ted wasn’t even born when the bomb fell on the road that we all now live on and yet in the collective consciousness it’s the “new build.”
 
Talking to Ted reminded me of one of the challenges facing gender diversity in the workplace.

People often, simply don't have the same points of reference.

If your senior management began their careers at a time when Dads went to work and Mums stayed at home, they won't necessarily understand that attitudes and expectations of a new generation has changed.
 
Men want to be able to take well paid, extended, parental leave, and then work flexibly in order be there for their children, in a way they don't remember from their own childhoods.
 
It's good for their mental health, good for their children's connections and outcomes and allows them to support and enable their partner's career ambitions. Helping senior leadership understand this change is crucial to supporting gender equality. Embracing active fatherhood in the workplace can be a game changer for equality. Soon it won't be a new thing.
 
Building new foundations and thought processes are crucial to driving gender equality at work and at home.
 
Drop me a message if you want to explore ideas on how your organisation can leverage support for new dads to build better gender equality.

Ian

Info@inspiringdads.co.uk

#inspiringdads #parentalleave #genderequality

I don’t claim to have a superpower, but...

I don’t claim to have a superpower, but…

How many dads do you know would be comfortable looking after someone else's 2 year old for 2 days?

A 2 year old who I have only met a handful of times. 

That's what I did last summer - like Batman gazing across the roof tops of Gotham I spent half of May on standby for THE CALL.

The call that my sister in law's labour had started. Because someone had to look after my niece. A Grandma was in South Africa, a Grandad was shielding.

"Help me Uncle Ian, you're our only hope." or something like that...

Enter Uncle Ian. No cape, but brandishing Paw Patrol heroes Rubble and Skye and a pedal car for the garden.

Top tip always bring toys... Especially when you are about to collect your niece from the car park of Kingston Hospital...

I can hear your thoughts (actually that is my superpower), why I'm I telling this story?

It's because there is almost nothing a dad cannot do when it comes to looking after their children (breastfeeding is the only thing I can think of). Childcare is a learnt skill, there is no magic mum superpower or special potion that midwives secretly give out.

Supporting new dads with coaching and mentoring, coupled with cultures that genuinely support dads' access to extended parental leave and flexible and remote working from the very earliest days of fatherhood is vital to improve dads' skills and confidence.

Solo parenting, learning from mistakes and building bonds with their children is good for mental health, attainment and equality at home and in the workplace. 

Because when dads are there are the forefront of parenting anything is possible.

Including looking after your initially skeptical niece Sana!

Follow my brother Chris and my sister in law Takkies’ lockdown baby story on Emma Willis: Delivering Babies in 2020.

Tune in Monday 15th Feb 10pm @wtvchannel (Sky 109, Virgin 125, BT 311)

and watch out for Uncle Ian's minor supporting appearance! Don’t blink or you may miss it!

Picture Credit: @yuliamatvienko via Unsplash

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Men’s Flexible Working

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Of Men’s Flexible Working

As we get ready to mark Father’s Day, it worth reflecting on what dads really want.

We know a lie in would be good, socks even better and maybe a novelty selection of real ales. But in terms of the workplace, dads just want to have options. Options about how to organise their working lives, without being told that they can’t raise their children or that being a committed dad means you can’t be committed to work.

A New Generation of Dads

A whole new generation of men want to be much more actively involved in raising their children. They expect equality in the workplace and at home and they are frustrated when their needs and the needs of their families can’t be met.

In short they want to be great dads and have great careers.

GQ magazine found that the number 1 aspect of modern masculinity, identified by 66% of Men was “being a present father”.

 Source: GQ Magazine

But it can be tough when this desire to be an active present father is dismissed or not taken seriously…

“Hi fellas. I joined this group recently because it’s really important to me to be massively engaged in my children’s lives for as long as their childhoods last. At the same time, I want to make progress in my career.

That balance can be hard, especially when so many people perceive caring fathers as uncommitted to their jobs.”

Source: Inspiring Dads Facebook Group

Dads are changing jobs to get what they want.

Daddilife and Deliotte Report - THE MILLENNIAL DAD AT WORK

https://www.daddilife.com/the-millennial-dad-at-work/

Not all men or families are the same.

Income and childcare priorities change and for many heterosexual couples the certainty of a man being fully committed to his career, while a female partner takes on the majority of the childcare can give great comfort and certainty.

However we do an enormous disservice to society, the workplace and individuals when we assume that men don’t want to be fully involved as parents. That attitude is no more valid or helpful than assuming that women only want to stay at home and look after children.

Choices!

We need to allow couples to make genuine choices - both for their own benefit and for benefits of building gender diverse workplaces.

When we cannot tell whether a man or a woman is more likely to take parental leave or seek flexible working, gender ceases to be an issue in hiring and promotion decisions.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

As a man access to flexible work can be difficult to achieve. It can be seen as a perk of seniority or as something that solves a female childcare ‘issue’.

72% feared their employer’s reaction if they asked for flexible working.

Source: Workingdads.co.uk

But when it works well the benefits to the man, the family and their partner are clear to see as the ‘Good’ story of Susha and Magnus and will show. The example of the ‘Bad’ show how a lack of flexibility for Dads will cost businesses their talent and the motivation and good will of their staff. Finally the ‘Ugly’ shines a light on the type of casual dismissive bias that one man faced trying to access part time work. It shows how an attitudes towards men’s flexible and part time working desires can directly and negatively effect women’s aspirations.

Things will change but this Father’s Day we need to think about the next generation of Father’s Day.

“The current crop of male, mid-fifties business leaders are completely out of touch in respect to the changes to the role of the father that have taken place in the two decades since they were young dads.”

Source: Evening Standard

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The Good - Susha and Magnus

Susha Chandrasekhar is a Senior Lawyer at the Department for Business.

Her husband is Dr Magnus Ryner, Professor of International Political Economy and Head of the Department of European & International Studies at Kings College, London

Their son is called Axel.

Susha kindly shared their story…

Flexibility for dads helps mums

“I am a lawyer working part-time which is demanding since my responsibilities include EU issues. Fortunately, my husband’s (more than) full-time work can be carried out flexibly. He comes into and leaves the office at different times, works from home, and catches up on things in the evenings on the days he does the school pick-up. My husband is an academic which helps but professors have to teach, attend meetings, supervise students, undertake research etc. which require a physical presence in the office or a library. It’s still a juggling act.”

Here are the top 7 ways in which my husband’s flexible pattern improves my life.

1. Morning mayhem

My husband does the morning shift and the school run. That pressure is off me as soon as I wake up which is always a good start. I do the evening routine of bath-book-bed.

2. School pick-up

My husband does two school pick-ups a week so there are least two days on which:

·         I do not have to rush home and can deal with last minute work emergencies;

·         My husband helps our son with his reading and maths homework; and

·         There is dinner on the table for me when I come through the front door.

The other 3 weekdays on which I do the pick-ups, my husband gets these benefits in return.

3. Dealing with illness

Ian’s note

This is sometimes forgotten - flexible working is about care giving in many different circumstances and sometime none - flexible working should be for all.

It is not the default position that I drop everything and deal with a sick child. We see whose schedule is the more flexible. Sometimes it’s his.

4. Caring for Grandparents

There comes a time when our own parents need care. I value the chance to do this.

5. Finances

As we do the childcare ourselves, we do not need to employ a nanny which is expensive.

6. Reliability

If my husband says he will do something, he has the flexibility to do it. I feel assured it will be done without having to check up on it.

7. Frazzle factor

I can deal with the organisation of raising a child e.g. costumes, presents, dental appointments without too much stress. I also enjoy time with my family and friends instead of fretting non-stop about everything that needs to be done.

“No system is perfect and ours breaks down once in a while when the adventures of life are thrown at it. But one thing makes us truly happy. When our son cries out when he has a nightmare or has fallen over, he doesn’t just call for “Mummy, Mummy”, he calls for “Mummy-Daddy, Mummy-Daddy.” To him, we’re equally present, equally important. To us, his opinion is the most important one.”

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The Bad - Losing Talented Staff

James wanted flexible working after the birth of his baby

He worked long hours for a private jet firm, but wanted more flexibility after his baby was born. While the official office hours were 9am to 6pm, in reality everyone was in the office until 8.30pm.

"If you didn't do that it was frowned upon. I was struggling," he says. He had been at the firm for four years and was one of its top sellers, so he asked for flexible working and expecting a positive response.

"I tried to talk to them several times, but it was always a blanket 'no' because they said others would want to do it too."

In the end, he quit, and now the 28-year-old works for his father's firm Bloomsbury Estates where he says he's happy to work at home on weekends to catch up from when he leaves early in the week.

Source: BBC website

Greg was on paternity leave

Greg was on 2 weeks paternity leave when he was asked to attend a work event - he explained that he couldn’t and was told he should “consider his priorities.” He did, remembered how toxic and destructive the environment was and left the business.

Better to upset your staff than consider flexibility?

“I can't work from home. I asked. I wasn't allowed a lap top so I had to reduce my hours in order to accommodate child drop off and pick up. They weren’t happy and I wasn’t happy. Hard to have a dead stop as a recruiter but when I have to leave I have to leave as I need to get the train.”

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The Ugly - Trying to Get Part Time Work

‘Phil’ tried to get part time work in SW England so that he could support his partner’s work expansion plans by taking on more of the childcare responsibilities, including looking after a boy on the autism spectrum.

He struggled badly in the recruitment process and ended up having to take a full time role.

Overqualified and bored?

Farcical the amount of times I have heard "overqualified" or "you would be bored" or "your skills wouldnt be used" in spite of yelling into peoples faces that I only wanted part time and 2 days a week would not be boring.

Could it be because you are a man?

It definitely is. One of the interviews I had I actually was told that I would probably be embarrassed being shown the systems by a 20 year old girl. "Considering my experience" 

Unconscious Bias

As a footnote, the role I secured is the 1st full time role I applied for. But that was secured through a friend in recruitment who could see off the bias before it was made...

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What do we need to do

Let’s forget the socks and real ale gift sets this year…

✅ Encourage and support dads to talk about the pressures they face.

✅ Normalise flexible and part time work for men.

✅ Senior men to lead by example - embracing flexible working opportunities - making it ok for men in the workplace to spend time with their kids.

✅ Change the working culture so that raising happy, successful children isn’t just a female thing.

Dads will be happier and more fulfilled and the opportunities for families to choose how best to arrange their working lives will increase.