I don’t claim to have a superpower, but...

I don’t claim to have a superpower, but…

How many dads do you know would be comfortable looking after someone else's 2 year old for 2 days?

A 2 year old who I have only met a handful of times. 

That's what I did last summer - like Batman gazing across the roof tops of Gotham I spent half of May on standby for THE CALL.

The call that my sister in law's labour had started. Because someone had to look after my niece. A Grandma was in South Africa, a Grandad was shielding.

"Help me Uncle Ian, you're our only hope." or something like that...

Enter Uncle Ian. No cape, but brandishing Paw Patrol heroes Rubble and Skye and a pedal car for the garden.

Top tip always bring toys... Especially when you are about to collect your niece from the car park of Kingston Hospital...

I can hear your thoughts (actually that is my superpower), why I'm I telling this story?

It's because there is almost nothing a dad cannot do when it comes to looking after their children (breastfeeding is the only thing I can think of). Childcare is a learnt skill, there is no magic mum superpower or special potion that midwives secretly give out.

Supporting new dads with coaching and mentoring, coupled with cultures that genuinely support dads' access to extended parental leave and flexible and remote working from the very earliest days of fatherhood is vital to improve dads' skills and confidence.

Solo parenting, learning from mistakes and building bonds with their children is good for mental health, attainment and equality at home and in the workplace. 

Because when dads are there are the forefront of parenting anything is possible.

Including looking after your initially skeptical niece Sana!

Follow my brother Chris and my sister in law Takkies’ lockdown baby story on Emma Willis: Delivering Babies in 2020.

Tune in Monday 15th Feb 10pm @wtvchannel (Sky 109, Virgin 125, BT 311)

and watch out for Uncle Ian's minor supporting appearance! Don’t blink or you may miss it!

Picture Credit: @yuliamatvienko via Unsplash

Equality begins at home, but it also begins at school...

Imagine a situation when a primary school needs to contact a parent. A staff member opens the contact management system, searches for the child and is presented with two contact names (in order of priority)

1) the dad
2) the mum

The obvious thing to do is to phone the 1st contact.

Afterall they are listed first.

Too obvious it seems.

Today instead of calling the dad (aka me), the member of staff called the mum (aka my wife).

It wasn't a mistake, it was a choice and a choice that I've seen before and today, like the last time, I later asked for clarity as to why I wasn't called - was there some sort of error in the listing on my daughter's file?

Nope, no error.

I explained that it was important that the school called me first, there’s a reason I’m listed first!

Naturally, I got an apology, they got a gentle reminder about equality.

Turns out I’m not alone in experiencing this type of casual discrimination against dads…

“Yep, I had the school apologise for not having mum's phone number (there isn't one) and calling me.”

“We had the same experience with the Doctors last week. My husband had taken on getting repeat asthma meds for my daughter and the call back came to me despite him leaving his number.”

“Yes, that used to happen to me too. Hubby full time stay at home dad, me full time at work. And they always called me to be asked “have you called my husband?” Stereotypes so embedded.”

My husband took our son for his 8 week jabs as it was my birthday and I had gone for a spa day with a friend.... the nurse asked him where mum was as he walked in the door, then called me to gain consent to immunise our son 🙄 Yes - a complaint went in!

One thing is certain, gender equality is as much about Dads and fatherhood being taken seriously as it is about leaning in and well-paid maternity leave.

If you want someone to speak at your event and explain why supporting dads at work is a route to gender equality then drop me a message.

Picture Credit:Tim Mossholder via Unsplash @timmossholder

Piers and the Papoose

Don’t let Piers Morgan define what masculinity looks like

https://twitter.com/piersmorgan/status/1051707168490221568

Yesterday on Twitter Piers Morgan caused a ‘storm’ with this tweet. Contrasting 007 with the actor who plays the part and directly inferring that his behaviour (carrying his daughter in a sling) was in some way not masculine and at odds with his most famous role.

If I’m being honest, I’m of the opinion that Piers Morgan and that other delight, Katie Hopkins, are to a large extent professional wind up artists. It’s a role they play on social media.

In which case they should be easy to ignore…

However, as John Adams points out in his excellent blog when someone with an audience, a profile and the opportunity to shape opinion expresses views which have the potential create a negative effect on society, then it’s absolutely right that those views are challenged.

There are enormous benefits for children when Fathers are hands on in their lives and while we are slowly moving towards a situation in western society where being a hands on Dad is becoming normalised and aspirational, there is still a long way to go.

Masculinity comes in many forms and it’s important that young men and women see and celebrate that part of masculinity that is being an active and involved Dad.

Until we have true equality in parenting it remains important to brave the shouty nuance-free opinions on social media and continue to challenge those views that imply that caring for your children makes you are less of a man.

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