HELPING STRESSED DADS BALANCE WORK AND FATHERHOOD
Dan Stanley - Becoming Better Men
In a powerful discussion about masculinity, purpose, and self awareness, ex Army Commando Instructor Dan describes how, far from being a magical time, becoming a new dad…
Dan Stanley - Becoming Better Men
In a powerful discussion about masculinity, purpose, and self awareness, ex Army Commando Instructor Dan describes how, far from being a magical time, becoming a new dad led to a 8 month separation in his marriage.
We discover how a chance meeting with an ex premiership footballer, helped him drop his people pleaser mask and literally stop running from his problems.
We discuss the impact of a dad who wasn’t present in his life, running so much your dog gets injured, and seeking to normalise the conversation about modern masculinity. Dan talks about his business principles of creating space for men to develop great relationships with themselves.
Plus… is it sledding or sledging and other pressing questions in 2021.
Contents
01:00 Dan is purposeful, available and congruent
03:00 Ian and the “done” list
04:20 Sledding or Sledging? Snow days as a niche argument in favour of flexible working.
07:25 Birth of Dan’s daughter was the catalyst for “not only the breakdown of my marriage, but also for what was an identity crisis or midlife crisis for me.”
08:10 Dan was running (and avoiding) so much that his spaniel (running partner) actually developed an injury that needed an operation.
09:00 “We separated for about eight months and it was a lonely time.”
09:45
“I kind of felt there's an opportunity here. There's an opportunity for me to use my story. And my authenticity. So allow other people to step into a space where they could unpack the thoughts and feelings, to really make sense of who they are and what they want, but ultimately it's cultivate a mindset for success that enables them to balance their happiness and their career motivations.”
11:10 It's all about normalising the conversation for me. Unless you've got a great relationship yourself, you can't have a great relationship with anybody else.
12:30 My dad wasn't present in my life and at the time I never really gave it any significant thought, but…
13:30
Training all arms commandos from the army. Screaming in people's faces, that in my mind, is counterproductive.
15:30
“I was reading a book called Legacy about the psychology of the All Blacks and a man a few loungers down is reading Chimp Paradox. We must have been the only two guys in the Maldives with self help books”
He was an ex premiership footballer, he'd had a couple of the operations, which hadn't worked…
He said a phrase, which has changed the whole trajectory of my life. He said the only difference between a grave and a rut is the depth. I was like, wow. You know, it was straight in my heart.
17:30 Taking massive and immediate action
18:30 Reflecting on ego and masculinity
19:45 It's about creating that space for men to have the conversations they've never had before, to be heard and listened to in a nonjudgmental space.
21:30 I found myself in the Peak District for five days, on a vegan diet. No caffeine, morning meditation and yoga and spirituality and the men's circles. Craig White was a real, a real catalyst for who I became.
24:00: I stepped away from friendship groups that I felt no longer served who I wanted to become. I realised that my values were kind of just social traits that I'd adopted from other people.
26:30 My story is perhaps extreme in a sense, but lots of guys can relate to avoiding, to placing their head in the sand
Tips (27:00)
Bird watching for the soul
A selection of stoic maxims.
Know thy self - develop yourself awareness.
Nothing to excess.
Surety brings ruin.
Listen to Tim Ferris podcast with Jerry Seinfeld
———————————————————
More from Dan
I don’t claim to have a superpower, but...
Childcare is a learnt skill, there is no magic mum superpower or special potion that midwives secretly give out and this is way this matters.
I don’t claim to have a superpower, but…
How many dads do you know would be comfortable looking after someone else's 2 year old for 2 days?
A 2 year old who I have only met a handful of times.
That's what I did last summer - like Batman gazing across the roof tops of Gotham I spent half of May on standby for THE CALL.
The call that my sister in law's labour had started. Because someone had to look after my niece. A Grandma was in South Africa, a Grandad was shielding.
"Help me Uncle Ian, you're our only hope." or something like that...
Enter Uncle Ian. No cape, but brandishing Paw Patrol heroes Rubble and Skye and a pedal car for the garden.
Top tip always bring toys... Especially when you are about to collect your niece from the car park of Kingston Hospital...
I can hear your thoughts (actually that is my superpower), why I'm I telling this story?
It's because there is almost nothing a dad cannot do when it comes to looking after their children (breastfeeding is the only thing I can think of). Childcare is a learnt skill, there is no magic mum superpower or special potion that midwives secretly give out.
Supporting new dads with coaching and mentoring, coupled with cultures that genuinely support dads' access to extended parental leave and flexible and remote working from the very earliest days of fatherhood is vital to improve dads' skills and confidence.
Solo parenting, learning from mistakes and building bonds with their children is good for mental health, attainment and equality at home and in the workplace.
Because when dads are there are the forefront of parenting anything is possible.
Including looking after your initially skeptical niece Sana!
Follow my brother Chris and my sister in law Takkies’ lockdown baby story on Emma Willis: Delivering Babies in 2020.
Tune in Monday 15th Feb 10pm @wtvchannel (Sky 109, Virgin 125, BT 311)
and watch out for Uncle Ian's minor supporting appearance! Don’t blink or you may miss it!
Picture Credit: @yuliamatvienko via Unsplash
TV presenter Nigel Clarke Chats about The Baby Club and Dadvengers
“Everyone’s Welcome” as Nigel Clarke, CBeebies presenter, explains how Dadvengers started from an all Dads episode of The Baby Club.
TV presenter Nigel Clarke Chats about The Baby Club and Dadvengers
There’s just not enough time!
Nigel Clarke, CBeebies presenter, explains how Dadvengers started from an all Dads episode of The Baby Club, the groundbreaking show for mums, dads and carers with babies under 18 months old. The Baby Club reflects the important CBeebies mantra that “Everyone’s Welcome”.
We talk about a generational shift in what is expected from and expected by dads and the importance of dads having the skills and confidence to be alone with their kids.
Ian and Nigel try and explain to James what the Clubhouse excitement is all about and we discover how you manage a 4 hour filming session with babies, sing songs (!) and probe Nigel about parenting in the public eye and what goes on at a CBeebies Xmas party.
Contents
01:15 Using Lockdown in the most positive way we can be - “I've found a place where I'm happy.”
02:00 Nigel’s motto - “There just isn't enough time”.
03:00 Special To Do lists
04:00 Children on Teams and Clubhouse
“Somebody told me about it (Clubhouse) and I was like, this is never going to work. But if it's done right, it's like attending a really cool lecture or a really cool networking room where you share stuff.”
06:45 Trying not to get stressed - people are accommodating
08:00 CBeebies closed for a couple of weeks and we, as the presenters, were recording stuff in our homes. So I did a series of links from my lounge.
09:45 Dadchats was a place for me to just research what parents might want to see or hear about in the Dadvengers podcast.
11:20 We did an episode of The Baby Club just with Dads
14:55
“I'm mid forties. So I grew up with a generation where the dads were at work. You see them maybe at the weekend, maybe in the evenings, maybe briefly before they go to work in the morning.
They didn't have the opportunity to be with their kids and around them spending lots of time.”
15:45: Wanting to be more involved - The Baby Club as a platform to really help dads.
18:40 The essence of it was wanting dads from all different backgrounds who were engaged with their kids, who weren't scared to change a nappy.
20:10 The importance of making dads feel welcome.
21:00 Patience and being public figure.
21:30 I don't know if I can really call my work work.
23:30 Chaos and contagious crying - how to film an episode of The Baby Club.
24:45 I know a song that’ll stick in your head….
26:20 What happens on a CBeebies night out, stays on a CBeebies night out.
28:00 Tips
Men need to learn how to listen, not just talk.
Feel good with a squirt of aftershave.
Be present when your kids are there and you're spending time with them, put that phone away, drop it down.
30:44 There's not long left. We're at 13, we're two thirds of the way through, and then it's over, they're gone and they're not kids anymore.
Time to ponder… what colour are you today and why?
Ep 30 of Lockdown Dads - connecting with your kids, empathy and understanding the transition between work and home life.
Time to ponder… what colour are you today and why?
I saw something on Twitter yesterday that caught my eye...
No, it wasn't a debate about vaccinations or covid competency.
It was a woman posting about home schooling, she reflected that having the kids at home and trying to work at the same time meant the days were simultaneously both too long and too short.
I love my kids but I'd love them to be at school, learning and playing there instead of being at home endlessly defining my life by their various needs, time tables, times tables and not accepting a ham sandwich or pot noodle "a la desk" is a proper lunch.
The result is a long day that never seems long enough to "get stuff done", but long enough and disrupted enough to feel exhausted at 9:30pm and making progress on work projects is like wading through treacle. It's no wonder I haven't done my tax return yet...
But there are always positives, every Friday James Millar and I jump on Zoom and have a 40 minute chat with a new and interesting guest for the Lockdown Dads podcast. It feels like our own TFI Friday moment, plus we get to learn and share ideas with great people with something to say.
Paul Bulos, Executive, Leadership & Wellbeing Coach and publishing professional joins us to ponder “what colour are you today and why?” We dig into the benefits of lockdowns - including connecting with your kids and we touch on the importance of empathy and understanding the transition between work and home life.
Plus we discuss dad ‘presence’ - how important is secondary school transition, what does the “right train” mean to you and taking time to involve yourself in the things that are important to your children.
Tips include - it’s time for clippers, the Language of gaming and Rachel Vecht’s Circle of Control .
Contents
00:20 Lockdown birthdays are rubbish.
02:30 If you could describe how you are doing as a colour, what would that colour be and why?
02:45 Paul’s Funday Friday - energy and weather = yellow
03:15 Ian, green for Pakistan - ODI cricket tickets for the summer
04:20 James = black… I like black
07:40 Learning self awareness and family dynamics
09:15 Paul’s relationship with his daughter
Photo Credit: @lajaxx via Unsplash
I've always been really close to my kids, but I've got a lot closer and some of that's good and some of that's not so good… one of the key things that really came through that first lockdown, was my relationship with my daughter. She started 13, went into being 14. That's quite an age for young females, lots going on, lots changing. I noticed a lot changing. And just before the lockdown, I was being very honest about it, finding quite difficult.
Our connections seem to be drifting a little bit where we'd been really close before we'd done a lot of things together. She sort of flipped into that proper teenage time and she was beginning to just drift away a bit.
And then we started doing this walk, we live in West London, so we started walking to Osterley Park very early. We didn't often say that much to each other, but the content of what we started to talk about between us was, far more meaningful than they'd ever been. I think we just started to reconnect, but in a different way.
12:25 Helping children to feel safe
14:05 A higher proportion proportion of dads think that the switch to secondary school is a time when they need to be around for their kids.
15:00 How comfortable are you saying, “you know what, I can't make that meeting at 5:30” because if I don't do that, I can't get the train, which means I won't be home for my kids.
15:50 You come home one day and, and they don't come to the door. And I said, no, I can't imagine that.
17:00 The impact of missing your train - my wife knew exactly what time I'd be walking through the door at the end of the working day.
19:30 The transition between work - coming home and re-entry into domestic, household and parenting life.
One of the other things that I found quite interesting is that the children, for first time, in their life really, have seen me working, seeing what that means, what that looks like. If I ever came home from work and I was particularly preoccupied or had a difficult day, they, they never really grasped the concept of that. But now that we're around each other so much more, we have conversations in the day, much more readily around what's going on.
Vice versa for their school day. Some of the things that they're doing and getting up to and how their, some of their stresses and strains, you know, when they've had a frustrating lesson or when you know, they feel like they haven't really been heard in their lesson.
I wouldn't normally hear that stuff, but now I'm hearing it much more regularly. So we're relating in a very different way and understanding and appreciating and having more empathy for each other in a very different way.
21:50 James talks about his workingdads.co.uk building back better agenda.
23:00 Lunchtimes together.
24:00 The power of coaching - examining values and my responsibilities as a parent
25:30 Children as they've become far more cognitive in the world and they've got their own things, you really have to listen to them.
They've got something to say now, whereas when they're little, they're just looking at you almost to repeat what they need to say, but as they've grown up I think probably post 10, 11, they've really got something to say and it's worth listening to.
The speaking is his understanding that he's being listened to. And that requires reflection back to him, all those kinds of things.
27:00 My Daughter has helped me as a coach
One of the important things of being a coach is being able to be in the quiet and be comfortable in that quiet space and allowing that space, not feeling you need to fill it, not feeling you need to rescue, but providing your coachee with that. My daughter is quite quiet and thoughtful and her feelings are quite deep. They don't come to the surface. She doesn't wear a heart on her sleeve. So she's actually helped me in my coaching practice because I have to sit with that space a lot more than I do with my son.
28:30 Tips
Home haircuts - clippers are back on stock
Try to understand the language of gaming.
So I remember when he used to collect Pokemon cards, I would walk with him and he would talk to me and I literally didn't understand a single word he said, and and it's now happening with Fortnite. So I have now invested in the time to say to him, could you just explain what you're talking about? Because I realized this could go on a while. I can't have conversations with him that I really don't understand for any longer.
Rachel Vecht’s Circle of Control. (former guest on the show)
More from Paul Bulos
https://www.linkedin.com/in/paulbulos/
http://www.thecompletecoach.co.uk/safe/
https://www.workingdads.co.uk/sink-swim-vital-dads-look-after-themselves/
Photo Credit: @patrickian4 via Unsplash
Christmas Reflections 2020
Family time, The Lockdown Dads Podcast and awesome people. These are some of the things i’ll remember from 2020.
Nearly at the end of the year... phew.
2021 is bound to be better eh?
I wrote about the feeling of crashing into a Covid Iceberg (which was a great opportunity to include a lot of Titanic references!)
For our family, it's not all been bad, we've stayed healthy and so have immediate and extended family, sometimes it's good to remember that basic measure of success.
Good things this year - family time (walks, movie nights & general time together)
Bad things - family time; in particular home school taking over my life and sucking time from the day, plus squabbling with my son about home school (my daughter is much easier!)
From a business perspective, it's been tough for paid coaching work but really rewarding in terms of helping people on free calls, making appearances in webinars and panel events and even chatting on national radio. https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/media
Lockdown Dads Podcast
In May, James Millar and I kicked off Lockdown Dads - the podcast we hoped would only be relevant for one season. Now we are booking guests for season 3 that will run until April. In the nicest possible way I sincerely hope that we can kill it off then!
The final episode (#27) is available to watch or listen here:
https://www.inspiringdads.co.uk/lockdown-dads
"A look back at 26 episodes of Lockdown Dads - the good, the bad and the ugly as we ponder the "annus horribilis" that was 2020. We talk guests and the tips that inspired us and the tips that shocked us, it's all here as we discuss what 2021 has instore for dads and their families and how as a show we can continue to bring you interesting and informative content onward into season 3 of a project we wanted to kill off. Too much lockdown...!"
Awesome People
Finally for this year I was very proud to see two friends recognised for their work
Rhian Mannings MBE received a Pride of Britain special recognition award from actor Michael Sheen for her charity work.
While Eb Mukhtar was recognised with an MBE for his role in organising PPE logistics for the NHS.
"The fact that no NHS hospital ever ran out of stock is largely due to improvements he made."
and onto now
Here in SE London we're in Tier 4; Christmas plans are cancelled and we wait again to see what the plans are for schooling. The eye opening stat is that in our immediate areas 1 in 100 of the population tested positive last week for Covd.
Not me though, I paid for a test so I could visit my Dad, safe in the knowledge that I wasn't going to infect him. Naturally, I got a negative result a few hours after discovering that Xmas was off and it was a waste of £120. Such is life.
Great news is that Caroline from his local pub The Ruishton Inn are going to deliver him a Christmas Dinner. Community is alive and well!
Looking ahead a bit to 2021
It's exciting to be bringing another set of awesome guests to the Lockdown Dads podcast in the spring, a couple of collaborations will be launched and I'll be rolling out "The Successful Dads Scorecard".
The scorecard will give dads the opportunity to answer some important questions and get simple actionable tips based on how they scored. I can't wait to share it with you!
If you want to be a beta tester? email me here info@inspiringdads.co.uk
Some final words
Sometimes all we can do is adapt and accept and keep going. As Rocky Balboa says in the film Creed "One step at a time. One punch at a time. One round at a time."
and keep talking
talk to your partner
talk to your kids
talk to your mates
because as Bob Hoskins once said "It's good to talk"
Merry Christmas
Ian, Lisa, Freya and Struan
Picture Credit: Volodymyr Hryshchenko via Unsplash @lunarts
Equality begins at home, but it also begins at school...
True equality comes when we treat dads as equal parents.
Imagine a situation when a primary school needs to contact a parent. A staff member opens the contact management system, searches for the child and is presented with two contact names (in order of priority)
1) the dad
2) the mum
The obvious thing to do is to phone the 1st contact.
Afterall they are listed first.
Too obvious it seems.
Today instead of calling the dad (aka me), the member of staff called the mum (aka my wife).
It wasn't a mistake, it was a choice and a choice that I've seen before and today, like the last time, I later asked for clarity as to why I wasn't called - was there some sort of error in the listing on my daughter's file?
Nope, no error.
I explained that it was important that the school called me first, there’s a reason I’m listed first!
Naturally, I got an apology, they got a gentle reminder about equality.
Turns out I’m not alone in experiencing this type of casual discrimination against dads…
“Yep, I had the school apologise for not having mum's phone number (there isn't one) and calling me.”
“We had the same experience with the Doctors last week. My husband had taken on getting repeat asthma meds for my daughter and the call back came to me despite him leaving his number.”
“Yes, that used to happen to me too. Hubby full time stay at home dad, me full time at work. And they always called me to be asked “have you called my husband?” Stereotypes so embedded.”
My husband took our son for his 8 week jabs as it was my birthday and I had gone for a spa day with a friend.... the nurse asked him where mum was as he walked in the door, then called me to gain consent to immunise our son 🙄 Yes - a complaint went in!
One thing is certain, gender equality is as much about Dads and fatherhood being taken seriously as it is about leaning in and well-paid maternity leave.
If you want someone to speak at your event and explain why supporting dads at work is a route to gender equality then drop me a message.
Picture Credit:Tim Mossholder via Unsplash @timmossholder
Sharing the Load - Gender balance at home
Gender Balance isn’t a workplace issue. I joined Dorothy Dalton from 3 Plus International to discuss how to achieve equality at home.
Sharing the load - Gender Balance at home (Guest Podcast)
Gender balance is not just a workplace issue
“A common thread of lock down discussions has been women absorbing a higher proportion of childcare and home-schooling responsibilities than their partners. This has led to increased levels of burnout, stress, anxiety and the ubiquitous COVID19 brain, which has been covered in acres of media coverage.
Gender balance is not just a workplace issue it’s a relationship and domestic issue and both men and women are trapped by limiting gender stereotypes and expectations.”
I joined Dorothy Dalton the CEO of 3 Plus International to discuss how gender equality at work is tied to equality at home. Drawing upon my own experience as stay at home dad and a coach we covered a wide range of topics including
perfectionism - it's OK to make mistakes and learn from them
letting go the need for control - nothing bad will happen
applying workplace project management principles to the home, identifying tasks, creating job descriptions and schedules
maintaining intimacy and constructive communication
overcoming boundary issues
men being a permanent part of the solution rather than being allowed to opt in (helping) or usually opting out
creating goals and vision as a couple or even a family
Click Below to find out more
http://3plusinternational.com/2020/08/sharing-the-load-and-keeping-the-peace/
3 Ways New Dads Can Make Life Less Stressful
Three ways to reduce your new dad stress (in association with Thriving Parents)
3 Ways New Dads Can make life less stressful
In this first post for Thriving Parents I reflect back on my experience as new dad and make three key recommendations to help new dads reduce their stress.
“It can be a really brutal learning curve, especially first-time round. In fact, I think it’s worse than most people believe it’ll be. In hindsight we Dads are painfully ill equipped to deal with the emotional and practical complexity of fatherhood.”
1. Make plans together
2. Ask for what you need
3. Pay attention to your partner’s daily pressure points
If you want to know exactly what these mean and how to implement click on this link and read on:
https://www.thriving-parents.com/blog/3-ways-new-dads-can-make-life-less-stressful
Photo Credit - Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash @gift_habeshaw
Dads and the new reality
The benefits and challenges to working dads of the post lockdown world
Dads and the New Reality
Photo Credit: Ayo Ogunseind via Unsplash @armedshutter
I’ve said it before, it’s an awful time.
“Lockdown”, “Furlough”, “Self Isolation”
Relationships are under pressure like never before - stress, worry and physical confinement are a heady cocktail of ingredients for relationship trauma.
But, it WILL get better and dads will have a massive opportunity.
Dads do more At Home
With so many dads spending a lot more time at home, physically away from the regular work environment, we're in the midst of a massive upheaval and redefinition of who does what around the home.
and this includes parenting...
An Institute for Fiscal Studies report this week included this evidence
During lockdown fathers have nearly doubled the time they spend on childcare. On average, fathers are now doing some childcare during 8 hours of the day, compared with 4 hours in 2014/15.
This increase is especially large for the 15% of fathers in previously dual-earner households who have lost their job while their partner continues to do paid work. This large increase in fathers’ involvement in childcare might have long-lasting impacts on how couples share childcare responsibilities.
seeing the benefits
Photo Credit: Edward Cisneros via Unsplash @everythingcaptured
“My job has never allowed me so much free time. Being forced to work from home, I have been able to spent precious time with my little girl who is 5 months old.”
“Loved being able to WFH full time... we have a six month old now so I get to see him during the day a bit, feed him lunch, always have bath time at 5.30pm... it’s been a positive in an otherwise pretty weird / horrid time.”
The assumptions that remote working can’t work have been massively undermined, a client told me this week that the main blocker to remote working in his business has had a complete U-turn since the the pandemic started.
the start of a brave new world?
This can be the opportunity for men to fix their work life balance once and for all and to be the hands on, active and involved fathers many don’t remember growing up.
If the virus has taught us one thing, it’s that many people don’t HAVE to be in the office to do their jobs. Technology and a can do attitude are powerful tools to create a new way of working.
The Challenge of returning to the workplace
It’s tricky from many angles - health and safety, social distancing in the office and on the commute and a lack of childcare options.
Here are my 3 quick tips for businesses with working dads.
Childcare Assumptions
Don’t tell men to return to the workplace without considering they might also have childcare responsibilities. It’s discriminatory and lazy.
Don’t leave women on furlough because you assume they are responsible for childcare. It’s discriminatory and lazy.
Fear
Understand that now, more than, ever men face the fear of losing their jobs if they don’t follow instructions of their business.
This fear will trump any desire to maintain the benefits of working from home.
Conflict
With childcare and schooling options still limited, the pressure on parents to share the load and balance domestic responsibilities is still at an all time high.
Forcing working dads to return to the workplace will create domestic conflict
Longer term
1) Give men well paid parental leave so that they have the time and financial security to experience hands on, solo parenting.
2) Provide paternity return to work coaching to mirror the maternity offer.
3) Create male leadership models who demonstrate and support active, involved fatherhood. Part time working, flexible hours, working from home. Model it and make it ok.
How To… Fix Your Work Life Balance and save your Relationship
Let’s talk work life balance and show you some stories
How to… fix your work life balance and save your relationship
Real men, real stories
“Lockdown”, “Furlough”, “Self Isolation”… Covid is the gift that keeps giving.
Relationships are under pressure like never before - stress, worry and physical confinement are a heady cocktail of ingredients for relationship trauma.
But, it WILL get better and then you’ll have a massive opportunity.
The New Reality
With so many men spending a lot more time at home, physically away from the regular work environment, we're in the midst of a massive upheaval and redefinition of who does what around the home.
and this includes parenting...
The world tends to assume that only mums are able to look after children and men can't do that role. It's incredibly damaging for relationships, choice and opportunity.
Men don't feel able to be anything other than "all in" for work and women struggle with trying to do everything for everyone.
At the moment the emotional and mental load are cranked up to 11 and men need to step up to the domestic plate in a way that we might not ever have had to before.
Photo credit: Matthew Rader via Unsplash @matthew_t_rader
The opportunity
But I have faith in our ability to take on those domestic roles that society doesn’t believe we can do and then we can change the entire conversation about what it means to be a dad.
We aren’t just breadwinners. We’re stand-in teachers, cooks, ironing machines and leaders and to continue the amazing benefits we’ve already experienced when we merging our work and home lives we’re going to need better work life balance.
Not just to be a hero to our kids and being there for the moments that matter, but taking on our fair share around the house.
This will be the opportunity to fix your work life balance once and for all and be the hands on, active and involved father you don’t remember growing up.
Don’t get me wrong, our dads did their best, but it that was a different time and you want to be a different type of dad.
If Covid-19 has taught us one thing, it’s that many of us don’t HAVE to be in the office to do our jobs. Technology and a can do attitude are powerful tools to create a new way of working.
A way that allows us to the type of dad you always wanted to be.
It’s time to fix your work life balance and save your relationship
⭐ You’ll need to be honest about what is truly important to you.
⭐ Learn to communicate effectively as a couple, so that everyone’s needs are met.
⭐ Understand the financial trade-offs you might need to make to ALL be happy.
⭐ Dedicate time to focusing on what is really important to your family.
Let these men Inspire You with Their real stories
1) Sean’s story
Doctor Sean and his family left London 18 months ago to escape to the country.
He made the decision to trade some professional kudos and financial reward for a life in the country, seeing his kids every night for dinner and bedtime plus most weekends. They choose to move to a part of the country where they have family close by for help and social life.
In contrast Sean’s London peers are out working all day, everyday and don’t get to see their kids.
After trying a couple of different work patterns, he and his wife have decided that the best combination of professional progress, income and family time are for Sean to work M, T, Th, F plus 3 in 4 Wednesdays and 1 in 4 Saturdays.
“This will be an income hit but I will at least be able to take the kids to school once a month and have most weekends with them.”
To support his work life balance Sean tries to work a bit smarter, allowing him to leave on time. He is also stricter with his home time - he has stopped answering emails etc out of work hours which he has found surprisingly liberating!
Challenges
“It’s difficult because I need to put the graft in now to make a name for myself, meaning more work will come my way at more convenient times, rather than working the graveyard Saturday shift.
But nothing has changed our underlying vision for how we wanted to live our lives”
2) Insight from Adam - how much money do you actually need?
Adam used to work in the Financial Services industry, he’s now part time in the building trade.
“Ian, you’ve no idea how much money I earnt two years ago, but I gave it up mate, gave it up for the kids, because wanted to spend time with them now.
I’m not saying I wouldn’t go back, but right now it matters to be there for them”
3) Will took action before it was too late
“It was Easter when I said I couldn’t do it anymore. I think it was something about always seeing darkness. I decided I couldn’t tolerate how I was living any more. I could feel the signs that it was getting too much.
The thing is I knew how bad it could get – I was an alcoholic (now 7 years clean). I didn’t want to reach rock bottom again before did something about it.”
4) A warning from Toby
“If there's one thing I wish we'd done better, it would have been to have those really honest discussions - rather than the more off-hand comments and observations - about the work life balance for both of us, including as a couple and as parents.
But hey - we live and learn, eh?!”
Toby and his wife are separated and to a large extent due to a failure to sort out their work life balance.
Things those guys know, and you need to know…
Be honest about what is truly important to you.
As a couple you must communicate and agree your priorities.
Do the maths - work out the financial trade offs you need to make.
Have a plan to stay focused on what is important.
That’s all great Ian but HOW do I actually achieve better work life balance?
get our free PDF and learn How to Implement Our Top Ten Tips to get control of your work life balance.
✅ Stop wasting time and find out what is really causing your work / life stress.
✅ Take control of your working life and avoid burning out.
✅ Reduce your stress - sleep and eat better, gain more energy for your relationships and playing with your children.
✅ Learn what are your real options and rights are, not just what your boss thinks!
✅ Evaluate what type of Dad you want to be and USE this to decide what you want.
✅ Checklist of the steps you need to take to be READY to get what you want.
✅ PLUS - get organised, manage your time and be there when you're there.
“Happier, Healthier and more Heroic.”
Get your free download today - no sign up required!
PS
If you want to know why I know what I’m talking about you can read my story here.
Ian Dinwiddy, Founder
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