The gift of Shared Parental Leave

The gift of Shared Parental Leave

In an industry which has long struggled with female attrition rate, recent research from law.com that shows 44% of partner promotions in the top 30 are women, (up from 12% five years ago), is to be welcomed. Even if that makes a comparatively minor dent in the 20% representation overall.

Originally published in the LAW Absolute Newsletter for Father’s Day 2021

Gender diversity is good for business - according to McKinsey, the most gender-diverse companies are 21% more like to experience above-average profitability.

For 15 years I have had a ringside seat on my wife’s law career, I’ve seen the dynamics and behaviours driven by hourly billing, the ‘eat what you kill’ mentality, the mental health challenges and the relationship tension that manifests itself as a woman posting “congrats, let’s catch up” on their husband’s 2-year LinkedIn anniversary notification.

It hasn’t always been pretty.

Policy and quotas only get you so far, culture change really matters, which was brought home to me when a younger female client of Lisa’s remarked that when they first met, she had assumed that Lisa didn’t have children “because I didn’t think you could be a mum and do this job.”

She and I both recognised how damaging that was for the prospects of all women.

What do dads want?

In their 30th anniversary report “State of Man” GQ magazine’s readers identified ‘Being a present father’ as the number one aspect of modern masculinity.

While dads in my Facebook group describe these desires

• ‘Spend more time with my daughter and be a happier person.’

• ‘To have more time with the kids.’

• ‘Attend more special occasions. Be a more active figure daily in
  their lives.’

Even before the pandemic, research by insurance company Zurich and the UK government-backed think tank 'The Behavioural Insights Team' found that many more men also applied for roles when they offered flexible working options, suggesting the issue is just as important for them as it is for female candidates.

The impact of Covid on parents

The Office for National Statistics found that the first Covid lockdown had led to a 58% increase in childcare undertaken by men but women still did more childcare and women with young children are much more likely to be considering leaving the workplace altogether:

McKinsey reported that in the category of parents of kids under ten, the rate at which women in this group were considering leaving was ten per cent higher than for men.

The Financial Times also reported that this trend is seen at senior levels too:

“Senior-level women were 1.5 times more likely than men to think about downshifting their careers or leaving the workforce because of Covid-19.”

What is Shared Parental Leave (SPL)?

In short, couples can share up to 50 weeks of leave and up to 37 weeks of pay between them. Transferring allowance allows parents to share leave in a way that best suits them.

https://www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay

Why is SPL good for business?

Shared Parental Leave is a mechanism for supporting parents to divide parental leave in ways that work best for them as family - improving well-being and long-term loyalty and performance. Crucially, it is also an opportunity to change the business culture, creating a more diverse workplace.

Initiatives targeted at women create a two-tier system, but when men take extended leave (or seek to work flexibly) it is no longer possible to assume that only women have caring responsibilities, and this broadens the definition of what success and commitment at work looks like.

As Lisa Unwin, writing last month, said:

“The partners explained to me that they’d love to have more women on the team, provided they were able to put in the all-nighters and accept that this is an 80 hour a week job.”

Firms can use SPL to create more diverse workforces and maybe even remove some of the energy sapping, relationship and mental health damaging work structures that persist in the industry.

Photo Credit: Jonnelle Yankovich via Unsplash @jey_photography

Benefits for dads, children, and families.

1)       It increases the early bonding experiences between father and child.

2)      It creates the opportunity to build skills for long term solo parenting which is important for equality at home.

3)      It insulates dads from vulnerabilities in the event of relationship breakdown. How often do you hear the story - 'He can't share custody he doesn't know what he's doing’ ? Harder to say if you have a track record of looking after children on your own.

4)     Present and engaged dads create great behavioural outcomes for children.

5)      Great for dual income couples, skills learnt by dads builds equality at home.

According to a Harvard Business Review report,

“Women with equal partners at home are more successful at work. When people are less concerned with the impact of their job on family responsibilities and able to focus and commit more fully to their work, it’s no surprise that they’re more productive and able to take advantage of growth and advancement opportunities.”

The leading Law firms do enhance their leave.

https://www.linklaters.com/en/about-us/news-and-deals/news/2019/december/new-parental-leave-policy

https://www.legalbusiness.co.uk/blogs/keeping-pace-with-change-ao-becomes-latest-city-firm-to-usher-in-parental-leave-reforms/

https://www.law.com/international-edition/2020/01/22/dechert-latest-to-expand-london-parental-leave-policy/

Actions businesses can take to celebrate Father’s Day.

The pandemic has changed everything, we can longer assume that men don’t have or want caring responsibilities.

·         Review your parental leave provision – putting dads at the heart of policy.

·         Identify male fatherhood role models.

·         Encourage men to take leave and access flexible working.

·         Normalise men taking leave and build a different culture.

There is little point making up record numbers of women to partnership if firm wide culture is still built around long hours and an assumption that men do not want to be present in their families’ lives. It’s lazy and it will cause relationship issues and well-being challenges.

Photo Credit: Larry Crayton via Unplash @ljcrayton

What International Men’s Day means to men

I didn’t always have a coaching business that focuses on helping stressed dads balance work and fatherhood. In fact, I started out balancing work, hockey and ad-hoc binge drinking….

There wasn’t that much work life balance to worry about. For the first 4/5 years of my working life there was no laptop, no email on my phone and no worries once I walked out the office.

And I definitely wasn’t thinking about International Men’s Day (IMD)

Learn what International Men’s Day means to Men in this article for WorkingDads.co.uk

Including:

• A lack of Awareness

• There’s a concern that celebrating would lead to backlash

• Recognition of the potential power for good

• But maybe “real men” don’t need a special day?

Read the full article here:

https://www.workingdads.co.uk/what-international-mens-day-means-men/

Picture Credit: Ayo Ogunseinde via Unsplash @armedshutter

Poor work / life balance is a driver of men’s mental health issues. What are the solutions?

More and more guys are seeking out the help they need when facing mental health challenges. The stigma is fading and make no mistake this is a good thing - a mental health crisis can have devastating consequences.

3 mates, 3 conversations, 3 guys getting help.

"Right - must dash. Off to see my therapist, got diagnosed with PTSD in December" 

"Hey buddy, how’s things? Random ask, but in your line of work, have you come across any counselors in the London area that you could / would recommend? Breaking up with xxx has been pretty tough, and it’s made me realise that I need to talk to some one about underlying issues... ​Saw your blog post today and made me think you might have contacts?? 😬"

"Appreciate it mate, struggling with depression atm and waiting to speak to a CBT lady. I'm trying to crack on with fitness and sort my weight & look for new jobs + worries about how much there is to do at home! But keeping busy but things just feel hollow atm and some nights dreading going home for some reason chap. I'm sure things will level off just gotta keep fighting m8" ​

How many dads are struggling day to day with the stress of work, work life balance and missing seeing their kids grow up?

The truth is that a full blown mental health crisis affects relatively few men. Many many more men struggle along silently - torn between their desire to provide for their family and be a present, involved Dad.

Clearly there are many mental health issues that are not solved by getting better work life balance.

But for many men it would make a difference to their happiness and stress levels

GQ magazine found that the #1 aspect of modern masculinity, identified by 66% of Men was "being a present father".

While "11% of men have refused a new job and 10% have said no to a promotion because of a lack of good work life balanced opportunities.

Source - Working Families 2018

It’s early days

The dominant narrative is still one of men being “providers” and women being “carers”. Men face higher rates of rejection for flexible working, while women take their engagement rings off before interviews. Society, the workplace and their own expectations all conspire to put a lot of pressure on men to have it all or do it all.

Hi fellas. I joined this group recently because it’s really important to me to be massively engaged in my children’s lives for as long as their childhoods last. At the same time, I want to make progress in my career.
That balance can be hard, especially when so many people perceive caring fathers as uncommitted to their jobs.

“So many people perceive caring fathers as uncommitted to their jobs”

Its pretty shocking.

Outwardly "successful" men will struggle on without truly opening up to someone about what they really want. Head down, be strong.

Then guess what? A work life balance issue becomes a mental health crisis.

This is what needs to happen.

✅ Normalise flexible and part time work for men.

✅ Senior men to lead by example - embracing flexible working opportunities - making it ok spend time with your kids, being flexible.

✅ Change the working culture so that raising happy, successful children isn’t just a female thing.

Dads will be happier and more fulfilled and the opportunities for families to choose how best to arrange their working lives will increase. 

Research backs this up…

It’s time to get help

As one guy in our FB group said 

“I'd go so far as to say that - for the sake of those closest to you, as well as for yourself - it's the most important thing to do sometimes. Unfortunately, those are so often the times when it's the very hardest thing to do. 

But also to echo - you're not alone. And it's empowering to those who are suffering to know that, and hopefully helps them keep things in perspective, and take those steps towards self care and looking after their own well-being."

It can be tough to take the first step and open up to someone, but it makes so much difference once you start.

Click on the button below to find out how I can help you.

Because you’re kids are only young once.