"I'm gonna be like you, dad"

“I’m Gonna Be Like You, Dad”

The Cat’s in the Cradle is a 1974 song that (according to Wikipedia) started life as poem inspired by “the awkward relationship”, between a father and son.

A man becomes a father in the first verse but is too busy to spend time with his son, this patterns repeats throughout the song, while the son saying he will grow up just like him. At the end the pattern is complete with the son being too busy to spend time with his dad.

It points to two important themes for dads to consider

1) Making time now

2) The importance of role-modelling.

Originally performed by Harry Chapin who is quoted as saying "Frankly, this song scares me to death."

Cat’s in the Cradle

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say "I'm gonna be like you, dad"
"You know I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten just the other day
He said, thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to throw, I said, not today
I got a lot to do, he said, that's okay
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
It said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later, can I have them please?

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
You know we'll have a good time then

I've long since retired and my son's moved away
I called him up just the other day
I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when"
But we'll get together then, dad
We're gonna have a good time then.

Role modelling matters for working dads in so many ways

Role modelling matters for working dads in so many ways

“I saw a comment on Facebook recently, it was a mum talking about the importance of career role modelling for her daughter, showing her a future where she could smash the glass ceiling, to be anything she wanted to be.

It got me thinking. We don’t use the same language when we talk about dads. Yes, we describe the benefits of dads being great role models for healthy masculinity for their sons, but I’m not sure we ever say the same about role modelling for daughters?”

I cover two key areas that all dads should be thinking about:

Five reasons why equality at home should matter to you. 

and

What can you do to support equality at home?

Photo Credit: Adobe stock via workingdads.co.uk

How to build meaningful relationships with your partner and your children

How to build meaningful relationships with your partner and your children.

Are you concerned that you and your partner aren’t on the same page?

Do you wonder if your family think it is “all” worth it?

Written for the Dadvengers Community

It’s easy to get complacent, to think your family life is running smoothly. Then you turn around and discover too late that the solid foundations you thought you were building, aren’t as solid as you had hoped or expected.

Which is why it’s so important to build meaningful relationships that support your family life.

The good news is, it’s never too late to reflect on what your version of “Christmas Future” looks like and make changes. This is especially true if the answer to either of those questions is Yes.

Getting it right matters as friend of mine, let’s call him Toby, illustrates evocatively about his relationship breakdown:

“If there’s one thing I wish we’d done better, it would have been to have those really honest discussions – rather than the more off-hand comments and observations – about the work life balance for both of us, including as a couple and as parents.  

But hey – we live and learn, eh?!”

Head over to the Dadvengers website to read the rest of the piece, including these topics:

• Meaningful relationships require open and honest conversations.  

• Meaningful relationships need shared purpose.

• Meaningful relationships require equality at home.

• How to build meaningful relationships with your children

Plus you can watch Nigel and I on the Dadvengers’ “Dad Chats Live” over on Instagram. We talked about the content, shared stories and answered Q&A with the viewers.

Our conversation starts at 9min and you can catch up and watch here:

Photo Credit @nate_dumlao via Unsplash

Dan Stanley - Becoming Better Men

Dan Stanley - Becoming Better Men

In a powerful discussion about masculinity, purpose, and self awareness, ex Army Commando Instructor Dan describes how, far from being a magical time, becoming a new dad led to a 8 month separation in his marriage.

We discover how a chance meeting with an ex premiership footballer, helped him drop his people pleaser mask and literally stop running from his problems.

We discuss the impact of a dad who wasn’t present in his life, running so much your dog gets injured, and seeking to normalise the conversation about modern masculinity. Dan talks about his business principles of creating space for men to develop great relationships with themselves.

Plus… is it sledding or sledging and other pressing questions in 2021.

Contents

01:00 Dan is purposeful, available and congruent

03:00 Ian and the “done” list

04:20 Sledding or Sledging? Snow days as a niche argument in favour of flexible working.

07:25 Birth of Dan’s daughter was the catalyst for “not only the breakdown of my marriage, but also for what was an identity crisis or midlife crisis for me.”

08:10 Dan was running (and avoiding) so much that his spaniel (running partner) actually developed an injury that needed an operation.

09:00 “We separated for about eight months and it was a lonely time.”

09:45

“I kind of felt there's an opportunity here. There's an opportunity for me to use my story. And my authenticity. So allow other people to step into a space where they could unpack the thoughts and feelings, to really make sense of who they are and what they want, but ultimately it's cultivate a mindset for success that enables them to balance their happiness and their career motivations.”

11:10 It's all about normalising the conversation for me. Unless you've got a great relationship yourself, you can't have a great relationship with anybody else.

12:30 My dad wasn't present in my life and at the time I never really gave it any significant thought, but…

13:30

Training all arms commandos from the army. Screaming in people's faces, that in my mind, is counterproductive.

15:30

“I was reading a book called Legacy about the psychology of the All Blacks and a man a few loungers down is reading Chimp Paradox. We must have been the only two guys in the Maldives with self help books”

He was an ex premiership footballer, he'd had a couple of the operations, which hadn't worked…

He said a phrase, which has changed the whole trajectory of my life. He said the only difference between a grave and a rut is the depth. I was like, wow. You know, it was straight in my heart.

17:30 Taking massive and immediate action

18:30 Reflecting on ego and masculinity

19:45 It's about creating that space for men to have the conversations they've never had before, to be heard and listened to in a nonjudgmental space.

21:30 I found myself in the Peak District for five days, on a vegan diet. No caffeine, morning meditation and yoga and spirituality and the men's circles. Craig White was a real, a real catalyst for who I became.

24:00: I stepped away from friendship groups that I felt no longer served who I wanted to become. I realised that my values were kind of just social traits that I'd adopted from other people.

26:30 My story is perhaps extreme in a sense, but lots of guys can relate to avoiding, to placing their head in the sand

Tips (27:00)

Bird watching for the soul

A selection of stoic maxims.

• Know thy self - develop yourself awareness.

• Nothing to excess.

• Surety brings ruin.

Listen to Tim Ferris podcast with Jerry Seinfeld

———————————————————

More from Dan

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dan-stanley-bettermen-coaching/

https://better-men.uk/

@wildlittlethingsphoto

Not sure if you're on the same page as your partner?

Are you concerned that you and your partner aren’t on the same page?

Do you wonder if your family think it is all worth it?

These are natural feelings if you haven’t made certain you know, talked things through and written down what you both want to achieve.

You used to talk about the future, but life got super busy and now you are worn out and drained.

It’s tough to find the time, let alone the energy to properly talk about what you want to achieve as individuals and as a family.

And I know you feel the pressure of needing to provide and to be there when it matters and to be a great role model. 

and that's before you consider what you really really what...

Sometimes it feels like you are just surviving.

This is what you need to do...

1) Be honest about your life. 

How satisfied are you with each of the important aspects of your life?

Health, relationships, work, environment etc

2) Make a list of all the things you want to Be, Do and Have.

How does achieving these make you feel?  

3) Narrow it down to the 5 things that are really important to you.

4) Talk to your partner - ask them to repeat the process.

5) Spend some quality time with your partner.

What things are both your lists? 

7) Decide on your top 5 priorities. 

These priorities will become your shared family priorities.

It's useful if there is at least one each personal to you and one personal to your partner, but the number isn't as important as ensuring that you understand and respect each others priorities.

This list is about creating a shared focus and this process will build a deeper a relationship, improving communication, and know you'll feel happier being certain of your direction.

Once you have this list of family priorities, built on sound foundations and starting on the same page, you'll be ready to take action!

Need some support to get this done?

Talk to someone independent?

Click on this button below and schedule 20 mins in my diary: