The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Men’s Flexible Working

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly Of Men’s Flexible Working

As we get ready to mark Father’s Day, it worth reflecting on what dads really want.

We know a lie in would be good, socks even better and maybe a novelty selection of real ales. But in terms of the workplace, dads just want to have options. Options about how to organise their working lives, without being told that they can’t raise their children or that being a committed dad means you can’t be committed to work.

A New Generation of Dads

A whole new generation of men want to be much more actively involved in raising their children. They expect equality in the workplace and at home and they are frustrated when their needs and the needs of their families can’t be met.

In short they want to be great dads and have great careers.

GQ magazine found that the number 1 aspect of modern masculinity, identified by 66% of Men was “being a present father”.

 Source: GQ Magazine

But it can be tough when this desire to be an active present father is dismissed or not taken seriously…

“Hi fellas. I joined this group recently because it’s really important to me to be massively engaged in my children’s lives for as long as their childhoods last. At the same time, I want to make progress in my career.

That balance can be hard, especially when so many people perceive caring fathers as uncommitted to their jobs.”

Source: Inspiring Dads Facebook Group

Dads are changing jobs to get what they want.

Daddilife and Deliotte Report - THE MILLENNIAL DAD AT WORK

https://www.daddilife.com/the-millennial-dad-at-work/

Not all men or families are the same.

Income and childcare priorities change and for many heterosexual couples the certainty of a man being fully committed to his career, while a female partner takes on the majority of the childcare can give great comfort and certainty.

However we do an enormous disservice to society, the workplace and individuals when we assume that men don’t want to be fully involved as parents. That attitude is no more valid or helpful than assuming that women only want to stay at home and look after children.

Choices!

We need to allow couples to make genuine choices - both for their own benefit and for benefits of building gender diverse workplaces.

When we cannot tell whether a man or a woman is more likely to take parental leave or seek flexible working, gender ceases to be an issue in hiring and promotion decisions.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

As a man access to flexible work can be difficult to achieve. It can be seen as a perk of seniority or as something that solves a female childcare ‘issue’.

72% feared their employer’s reaction if they asked for flexible working.

Source: Workingdads.co.uk

But when it works well the benefits to the man, the family and their partner are clear to see as the ‘Good’ story of Susha and Magnus and will show. The example of the ‘Bad’ show how a lack of flexibility for Dads will cost businesses their talent and the motivation and good will of their staff. Finally the ‘Ugly’ shines a light on the type of casual dismissive bias that one man faced trying to access part time work. It shows how an attitudes towards men’s flexible and part time working desires can directly and negatively effect women’s aspirations.

Things will change but this Father’s Day we need to think about the next generation of Father’s Day.

“The current crop of male, mid-fifties business leaders are completely out of touch in respect to the changes to the role of the father that have taken place in the two decades since they were young dads.”

Source: Evening Standard

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The Good - Susha and Magnus

Susha Chandrasekhar is a Senior Lawyer at the Department for Business.

Her husband is Dr Magnus Ryner, Professor of International Political Economy and Head of the Department of European & International Studies at Kings College, London

Their son is called Axel.

Susha kindly shared their story…

Flexibility for dads helps mums

“I am a lawyer working part-time which is demanding since my responsibilities include EU issues. Fortunately, my husband’s (more than) full-time work can be carried out flexibly. He comes into and leaves the office at different times, works from home, and catches up on things in the evenings on the days he does the school pick-up. My husband is an academic which helps but professors have to teach, attend meetings, supervise students, undertake research etc. which require a physical presence in the office or a library. It’s still a juggling act.”

Here are the top 7 ways in which my husband’s flexible pattern improves my life.

1. Morning mayhem

My husband does the morning shift and the school run. That pressure is off me as soon as I wake up which is always a good start. I do the evening routine of bath-book-bed.

2. School pick-up

My husband does two school pick-ups a week so there are least two days on which:

·         I do not have to rush home and can deal with last minute work emergencies;

·         My husband helps our son with his reading and maths homework; and

·         There is dinner on the table for me when I come through the front door.

The other 3 weekdays on which I do the pick-ups, my husband gets these benefits in return.

3. Dealing with illness

Ian’s note

This is sometimes forgotten - flexible working is about care giving in many different circumstances and sometime none - flexible working should be for all.

It is not the default position that I drop everything and deal with a sick child. We see whose schedule is the more flexible. Sometimes it’s his.

4. Caring for Grandparents

There comes a time when our own parents need care. I value the chance to do this.

5. Finances

As we do the childcare ourselves, we do not need to employ a nanny which is expensive.

6. Reliability

If my husband says he will do something, he has the flexibility to do it. I feel assured it will be done without having to check up on it.

7. Frazzle factor

I can deal with the organisation of raising a child e.g. costumes, presents, dental appointments without too much stress. I also enjoy time with my family and friends instead of fretting non-stop about everything that needs to be done.

“No system is perfect and ours breaks down once in a while when the adventures of life are thrown at it. But one thing makes us truly happy. When our son cries out when he has a nightmare or has fallen over, he doesn’t just call for “Mummy, Mummy”, he calls for “Mummy-Daddy, Mummy-Daddy.” To him, we’re equally present, equally important. To us, his opinion is the most important one.”

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The Bad - Losing Talented Staff

James wanted flexible working after the birth of his baby

He worked long hours for a private jet firm, but wanted more flexibility after his baby was born. While the official office hours were 9am to 6pm, in reality everyone was in the office until 8.30pm.

"If you didn't do that it was frowned upon. I was struggling," he says. He had been at the firm for four years and was one of its top sellers, so he asked for flexible working and expecting a positive response.

"I tried to talk to them several times, but it was always a blanket 'no' because they said others would want to do it too."

In the end, he quit, and now the 28-year-old works for his father's firm Bloomsbury Estates where he says he's happy to work at home on weekends to catch up from when he leaves early in the week.

Source: BBC website

Greg was on paternity leave

Greg was on 2 weeks paternity leave when he was asked to attend a work event - he explained that he couldn’t and was told he should “consider his priorities.” He did, remembered how toxic and destructive the environment was and left the business.

Better to upset your staff than consider flexibility?

“I can't work from home. I asked. I wasn't allowed a lap top so I had to reduce my hours in order to accommodate child drop off and pick up. They weren’t happy and I wasn’t happy. Hard to have a dead stop as a recruiter but when I have to leave I have to leave as I need to get the train.”

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The Ugly - Trying to Get Part Time Work

‘Phil’ tried to get part time work in SW England so that he could support his partner’s work expansion plans by taking on more of the childcare responsibilities, including looking after a boy on the autism spectrum.

He struggled badly in the recruitment process and ended up having to take a full time role.

Overqualified and bored?

Farcical the amount of times I have heard "overqualified" or "you would be bored" or "your skills wouldnt be used" in spite of yelling into peoples faces that I only wanted part time and 2 days a week would not be boring.

Could it be because you are a man?

It definitely is. One of the interviews I had I actually was told that I would probably be embarrassed being shown the systems by a 20 year old girl. "Considering my experience" 

Unconscious Bias

As a footnote, the role I secured is the 1st full time role I applied for. But that was secured through a friend in recruitment who could see off the bias before it was made...

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What do we need to do

Let’s forget the socks and real ale gift sets this year…

✅ Encourage and support dads to talk about the pressures they face.

✅ Normalise flexible and part time work for men.

✅ Senior men to lead by example - embracing flexible working opportunities - making it ok for men in the workplace to spend time with their kids.

✅ Change the working culture so that raising happy, successful children isn’t just a female thing.

Dads will be happier and more fulfilled and the opportunities for families to choose how best to arrange their working lives will increase.

Top Tips to Design Your Family Finances

Money, Money, Money

What does it mean to you?

I'm going to be honest with you - I believe if you are in a committed relationship, raising kids together, you need to pool all your resources.

Whether it is sharing childcare, the household tasks, the mental load or money. You need to be in this together. 

I still remember the motivational motto we had when used to trudge round Dartmoor in the winter when I was a teenager, preparing and competing in  the Ten Tors Event. 

T.E.A.M. = Together Everyone Achieves More. 

It was important when I was a skinny, slightly awkward 15 year old with an oversized backpack and it’s important now as a Dad and Husband.

Breadwinner or Kept Man?

Many of you male readers will be the primary breadwinner. I'm not even close to that in our house and never have been. When my wife and I met, she earnt 50% more than me, by the time we got married it was 100% more and now it's an even bigger gap. We joke that while she brought a flat and equity to the relationship, I brought a 5 year Ford Focus. 

But none of that matters because

1) We have clear family goals and a plan to achieve them.
2) We understand how much money it costs to meet those goals.
3) We pool our resources - in all parts of our life.

We're in it together -  with a single current account, with various saving accounts for different family goals.

The 2 things you need to do…

There are two things I want you take away from this post 

If you are the primary breadwinner you wield power, both spoken and unspoken. You need to use that power wisely, your relationship will fail if you do not respect your partner’s ambitions and desires and to be honest you don't get to be the breadwinner unless your partner is raising your children - she is enabling your ambitions by being there for the kids. 

1) As a couple you need to be clear on your individual and family goals.

You need to sit down and discuss it properly. Maybe your partner doesn't want to be tied to the school run for 10 years. Do you even know? Maybe you don't want to be working another 20 years for 50 hours a week in this job?

Not sure where to start? Click here and get hold of the free exercise you need.

As Chris Baker from St James Place Wealth Management reminded me the other day - don’t forget to factor in the costs of goals such as University, Life Insurance and Critical Illness cover and potentially school fees. These all require thought, care and an awareness of “combined resources and combined stated, specific objectives. “

2) As a couple you need to work out a financial plan that works for both of you

✅  Treat your finances as joint income and joint expenses.

"A woman on maternity leave having no access to her own money without asking her partner "would be similar to if her partner came into the kitchen and had to ask permission to eat something," 

Source: Quartz at Work

❌ Don't be dismissive of your wife's income 

"I said to her, ‘If you take your job and net out all of the day care expenses and net out all of the extra tax that we have to pay because you work, we’d fundamentally be making the same amount of money between us.’
Source: Harvard Business Review

❌ You shouldn’t treat childcare costs as just an issue for the Mum

"Oh and the point I would add to the bit about paying for childcare is that I think that so many people view childcare costs as coming out of the mum's salary, so feel it isn't worth it. Eg she earns £1.5k and the nanny costs £1.2k, so what's the point? In my view, you should combine both salaries, then deduct childcare costs- they are joint children and a joint expense and conceptually seeing this as coming solely out of the mum's I think is hugely undermining and demotivating."

👉 This is what you need to do 

1.     List your family priorities 
2.    Work out the financial impact for each priority
3.    Will your priorities reduce or increase your family income?
4.    How much money will need and when?
5.    How will you fund it?
Save now for future? Use savings now? Borrowing? At what cost?
6.    Review your current finances
Each month - what’s coming in, what’s going out and where is it going?
7.    Talk about your finances with your partner
Are you Spenders, Savers, Risk takers, Security seekers? Who controls how money is used? 
8.    Design your future budget
Factor in your family priorities, what needs to change to allow those priorities to be supported

Click here for some ideas on how you might make it work 

👉 By the end of the process

• You’ll have reduced your stress by understanding where your money goes.

• You’ll understand how much money you need to achieve the priorities.

• You’ll know what changes you need to make to make it happen.

Don't forget you can click here and get hold of the free exercise you need 

Supporting Women - Mental Load, Mental Health and Respect.

On International Women’s Day it’s worth reflecting why your work life balance is so important - but you have to understand how you can use it to support your partner.

A new generation of dads want much more involvement in their children’s lives and they don't just want to be ‘weekend parents’.

They expect equality at home and at work.

⭐ They want to be there for the moments that matter.

⭐ They want to spend more time with their families even if means sacrificing promotion and financial rewards.

BUT it’s never just about dads.

Yes, it’s true, my business is built around supporting dads,

Improving work life balance for dads is never just about helping blokes to spend more time with their children, it’s about relationships and gender equality and how work life balance for dads can unlock benefits for the whole family.

So on International Women’s Day, I’ve selected 3 blog posts that reflect a number of themes that I believe are vital for men to understand if they are genuinely serious about supporting their partners in meaningful ways.

1) “Mental Load”, what it is and why it occurs.

2) The mental health cost of maternity leave.

3) Respecting your partner’s career

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

PS

To save you googling, International Man’s Day is 19th November

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James Frith - MP and a Dad of 4.

James Frith MP and Dad of 4

Proxy voting and Pairing

Until very recently MPs had to be present in parliament in order to vote, a recent high profile news story made parliament take note of it’s own procedures and at the end of the ensuing debate that changed parliamentary procedures, I saw James Frith speak powerfully in favour of equality for Dads.

We met last week in the House of Commons and I asked him how he juggles his responsibilities as a father of 4, husband and MP representing Bury North.

How do you juggle those very different responsibilities?  

James:                  It's a good question. So, the juggling is a very real, daily, weekly kind of appreciation really.

We have to be careful as a married couple that we're not just basically forever planning, but we're living in the moment or as much as you can - but with kids anyway, you can quickly be just spending weekends dropping them off at parties, picking them up and sometimes you think, actually we need a weekend where we're out as a family and we go for a walk and that sort of thing.

So really, I don't think it's much different to what a lot of people do, but what we add in is a degree of this sort of public life to it. So sometimes we think about where we're going that just allows us to kind of switch off as well. Because although there are really good opportunities for me to do things in my constituency as a dad, I'm also known and the family's known.

When you are there as a public figure and your kids are misbehaving, it's a lot of pressure to put on yourself. So, you kind of brief the kids to within an inch of their life - do not misbehave! and you make sure you've got bottles for the younger ones.

Working away from home

James:                 From a parental point of view, I make sure that the kids always know that I'm back more often than not on Wednesday night. I tend not to tell them if there's a chance of getting back earlier because they're disappointed if it doesn’t happen.

Ian:                        Do you come down on Sunday nights?

James:                  I come down Monday morning and I'm back late Wednesday night for Thursday morning. So I'm down for two nights usually, but the third night's missed because I'm not back in time for bedtime, but I am there Thursday morning. From their perspective, it's essentially three nights away, three bedtimes, but it's okay.

When I come down after a hectic weekend it's quite nice, but by Tuesday I'm kind of like…. It's a bit quiet and you wake up in the middle of the night and you're in this strange flat away from the kids and stuff. There are moments when a degree of homesickness is quite real, basically what I do is I work flat out and then I leave as soon as I'm able to get back to the constituency.

Routines and rituals

James:                  For us it’s even things like coming through the door. If in the rare occasions I get home and no one is at home, there's that ability to then receive them as they come home as opposed to get home and be overwhelmed, before you've even put your bag down, which in the films is meant to be like the best feeling ever. In reality, you're exhausted. Just let me put my bag down. Let me get my coat off and then…

I mean it's probably very detailed, but we talked about that as a family in terms of just giving ... or like straightaway if Nikki wants to go out for a run or whatever, I'm like yeah, yeah go. I've got it. Go, go, go so that she gets that carved out time individually whilst at home.

Ian:                        There's routine as a family. There’re rituals.

James:                  Little rituals. Little kind of cognitive things about how you end up feeling 'cause I yearn for time at home, Nikki yearns for time out of the house. So how can we make that work? It takes some real management.

*** You can learn more about Nikki and her business Granny Cool by clicking here.

What other kind of practical things have you learnt? 

James: Coffee! I think all of our children have grown up knowing there's little point in asking for anything from me or my wife until we've had two coffees in the morning and Sky, Sky TV, and you're sorted (!)

Practical things - I think it's the same challenge that parents face anyway, which is concentrating on playing with your children and not just managing them. That's the thing I really struggle with because instinctively, not least because we've got four, but because of how busy, it's very easy (and I'm too guilty of it), very easy to just basically be managing your children rather than playing with them.

So having good walks or taking Henry to football or my daughter to drama or reading a book with my little boy or reading a story or watching a little film with my little girl, they're sort of quite deliberate activities so you're not simply just tidying up after them.

Ian:                        So for you it’s almost planned “quality time”?

James:          You've got to just have that time when it is quality time, and more often than not, that needs us to be out of the house for it to be really useful. Otherwise, you just get, I do anyway, kind of subsumed into just the management of the house and keeping on top of everything and tidying up!

Good team around me

James: It does take a considerable amount of effort to make sure it works and some of that is about just having good balance with your team, they have empathy as to my time. They'll ask themselves, before they ask me, whether another Thursday night or another Friday night or another Saturday afternoon is realistic. So we've built in some provision.

Ian:                        Core time?

James:                  Yeah, and we alternate weeks. So I'll do a late finish Friday and work on Saturday one week and then finish normal time Friday and not work the weekend . So a team of six in the constituency and then I have support three days a week when I'm down here.

The nature of it, as with any job, just takes a lot of teamwork and a lot of diary management and committing to solid things. Good time away, weekends off, good walks, time for bath, football, taking Henry to the Carabao Cup Final, which I can't wait for!

It is a lot of work, but there are a lot more dads in hardship. The status, the money, the reward for the job is significant. So I'm not complaining.

What’s the best thing about being an MP?

James:                  Genuinely it's that ability to change somebody's circumstances who've come to see you. The individual case work, which actually is somebody else's success largely. It's one of my case work team who work through the authority of the office essentially, but the case work then plan of action is then agreed and ordained by me or action is taken and letters written…

Ian:                        In your name?

James:                  In my name. Through an effective office operation we're able to transform or change circumstances, some of it very small. It can be appropriate railings outside of school or it can be sorting out the Motability license for a newly diagnosed Parkinson's sufferer who actually is going be able to use their car for a period of time having been sanctioned by the DWP or it can be saving the walk-in centre which we did quite early on.

So my SEND focus on special education needs is because I've been inundated with case work. 50 plus parents come and see me with issues about the struggle and there's a universal view across the country which is why I pressed for the national inquiry from the committee that I'm on. (Education Select Committee)

It's that ability to influence change and improve circumstances for people. That's for sure.

Elected by surprise

Ian:                       You said earlier that it was a surprise to get elected. How did you feel after the first time when you lost, it was '15?

James:                 Yeah, 2015. So I lost by 378 votes, it was 0.8%.

Ian:                        I'm not sure but I think I might have fallen asleep on the sofa by that stage…

James:                  That was a better option than being at the count. I was gutted. I spent some time getting over that frankly. I threw myself into the company that I ran, but it was quite a significant challenge to my outlook because you feel, you can't help but take it personally.

Ian:                        Yeah. Investing so much of your soul….

James:                 Two and a half years of being the candidate and running campaigns and working really hard, all in a voluntary capacity so our family had endured that. But when '17 came around, the opportunity to stand again…

There was no hesitancy in me. I was just cautious of putting the family through it again, but Nikki was just like absolutely you've got to go for it, and of course we had our eyes wide open in this instance. So, we knew what we were headed for whereas previously it was just like, oh my god this is taking so much!

In 2017 we were pregnant with Bobby. That was an active decision and we'd been pregnant with Lizzie the election before. So, some say it was a cynical ploy to win votes with my pregnant wife! “Kiss a baby”. It doesn't have to be your baby as somebody pointed out.

But it's all good. I'm loving work.

Political Heroes

James:                  Last week, I hosted Kerry Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy's daughter, it was amazing. She was awesome. She does a lot for human rights globally and she wants to do a Human Rights festival in Manchester.

So I put together some MPs and she came and spoke, we were just like hanging off every word.

She told the story about the night as a nine year old girl, the day that Martin Luther King was shot and how she remembered watching the news with her dad and he decided he needed to go down and address the crowd. He went upstairs, put a suit on, came down. She saw him leave the house, walk out into his car and pull up 10 minutes later on the news and delivered this incredible speech in Indianapolis. A speech that he delivered which helped keep the peace. It was just amazing. Absolutely brilliant.

And we talked about Shared Parental Leave

Why take Shared Parental Leave?

Ian:                        The thing about Shared Parental Leave, it really needs to be more powerful. There aren't that many places that fund it the way that maternity leave is funded. You need one partner to be earning enough that you can cover a second salary being lost, and it tends to be the man in part because those gender pay gaps come in quite early.

James:                  It's a good way of looking at it. It's an argument for equality that is often not made in terms of that need to have equality so that there is freedom for both the man and the woman to go back to work and what's best for their family rather than just necessity. Usually, as you say, because of the ingrained inequalities on pay still, then it ends up being the man that goes back to work. There should be that freedom.

Ian:                        Yeah, it's that straight jacket of choice. For a lot of couples, the certainty of dad working, mum looking after children, raising children, that's great. For a lot of dads, it's like, actually I want to be more involved and I can't or for mums - actually I want to work.

The example I like to use is of 2 candidates – 30 something, recently married. If you, as a potential employer, didn’t know which one was likely to take a year off to look after children then you wouldn’t be able to make a judgement in narrow terms based on gender.

James Frith, Labour MP for Bury North was interviewed by Ian Dinwiddy, Founder of Inspiring Dads and he kindly made the following endorsement afterwards. Need some help Being a Great Dad AND Having a Great Career? Why not get our FREE top ten work life balance tips…

Why take Shared Parental Leave?

Why take Shared Parental Leave?

Since 2015 it has been possible for parents of new born or adopted children to share up to 50 weeks of leave and up to 37 weeks of pay between you.

This post will explain the benefits of Shared Parental Leave (SPL) and why it has the potential to be a game changer as we move to equal parenting opportunities. Opportunities that will allow Dads to spend much more time with their children.

More and more Dads want to spend time with their young children, even at the cost of their own careers. The choices you make before your children are even born will set the scene for the rest of your life.

Shared Parental Leave gives choice to families. Dads and partners don’t have to miss out on their baby’s first step, word or giggle – they can share the childcare, and share the joy.

Business Minister Andrew Griffiths

Challenges and Opportunities

Aviva

The Insurance company Aviva has a policy that offers equal parental leave to men and women working at Aviva - up to 12 months in the UK, including 26 weeks at full pay.

As with all decisions around having children, returning to work, deciding who will looks after your children and for how long. There can challenges, especially with finances.

Unless you have an employer with enhanced parental leave policy >>

It’s important to consider

• What sort of Dad do you want to be?

• How do you want to be remembered?

• What kind of relationship do you want to build with your children?

The mentality around the early years won’t change until we all accept mums and dads equally equipped to look after their offspring.

Source - Dad Blog UK

A case study for your inspiration.

Uploaded by BEISgovuk on 2018-02-01.

Shared Parental Leave - The Benefits

1.       Improved relationships with your children.

Proof of the bonds with my son (!) - ‘You are a Poo-Poo Head Daddy’

As a new Dad, the time you spend building relationships with your young children is priceless. The potential is there to create brilliant early bonding experiences, they might not remember the details but those bonds will be there forever and you get to be the type of Dad you wanted to be.

I found, too, that it strengthened the bond between my son and me. He became less crazy-sleepysuit-of-madness and more of a little buddy. And when I came to be the one who was there when he was hungry or tired or had bonked his head, the more he understood I was a source of comfort, too. That effort has lasted into his toddler years and, I hope, long beyond that.

Adam Dewar - The Guardian

2.      Practical and emotional support for each other.

The prevailing wisdom is that Maternity Leave is wonderful time for mothers to bond with their babies, but many women struggle with the emotional and practical challenges of looking after babies, especially if they have other children too.

Post Natal Depression is very common among women and likely to be under-reported in men. Sharing leave either together or separately could literally be a lifesaver.

The peak time for postnatal depression in men is three to six months after the birth . As with postnatal depression in mums, it often goes unreported. The symptoms can look a lot like the everyday stresses of having a newborn .

Source: NCT

My own experience of the first 6 months of our first baby’s life was of phoning my wife each lunchtime and fearing hearing how she had struggled that morning with our reflux suffering daughter.

Click here for more on benefits of SPL for Mums.

By sharing the parenting duties you’ll be sharing the mental load and improving gender equality at home.

3.       earlier return to the workplace for your partner

It’s not necessarily going to be your priority as a couple, but SPL could be a powerful tool.

Rather than one parent taking 8 months of out work - with the associated practical and long term pay challenges this can lead to (aka the Motherhood Penalty). You both take 4 months.

Your partner can get back to the career she loves, knowing that the little one is in great hands. While you get the benefits of bonding with your kids.

The longer anyone is out of the workplace the harder it is to return. By sharing leave and care it allows women to return to the workplace earlier if they want by supporting a more seamless transition back to the workplace.

4.       You’ll be happier

If you are one of the many many Dads who wants to more involved in the lives of his young family then being able to take that opportunity and not feel frustrated and left out is so important.

By normalising Dads looking after children, you’ll be a leader of men, with all the fame, fortune and kudos that brings. Plus you’ll get to discover Octonauts, one of the best kids TV ever produced.

5.       Reduce the Gender Pay Gap

Source

This is the big picture really.

✅ Doing what you want - looking after your young children.

✅ Your partner doesn’t have to spend so long away from the workplace.

✅ Female progression in the workplace becomes more likely as employers can’t assume that it is only women who take time off when couples have children. They will have to treat talent equally.

True equality is gained by having true equality of choice of parenting.

“Better gender balance makes business more successful. The McKinsey Global Institute (2015) estimated that a scenario in which women achieve complete gender parity with men could increase global output by more than one-quarter relative to a business-as-usual scenario.

Source: Axis Network.

Shared Parental Leave - Next Steps

If this looks like something you would like to do we have a few key steps:

1. Find out what your firm’s policy is.

2. Find out and talk to people in your business who have taken SPL.

3. Run the UK Government Calculator.

4. Talk to New Dads. Build a network and discuss your options.

5. Talk to your partner - be honest about what you want to do

6. Understand what you can afford to do.

7. Compare the financial investment v the benefits you’ve learnt.

SPL pays currently £145.18 per week or 90 per cent of average weekly earnings, whichever is lower. Where employers haven’t extended enhanced maternity schemes to SPL, it often doesn’t make financial sense for the father, who typically earns more, to take SPL. 

Source - CIPD

Shared Parental Leave - The Facts

Below is a summary of the UK government rules - for full details click here.  

*** There are some differences in the eligibility of Shared Parental Leave (SPL) or Shared Parental Pay (ShPP). Please use the calculator or check the government guidance.

Use this calculator to check if you can get leave or pay when you have a child.

Some assumptions

To keep this simple we are talking about SPL for Dads of newborns.

Overview

1. You can share up to 50 weeks of leave and up to 37 weeks of pay between you. The mother is obliged to take two weeks’ leave, but following that, it would be up to the couple as to how they split the remaining 50 weeks – 37 with statutory pay of up to £145.18 a week.

2. You need to share the pay and leave in the first year after your child is born or placed with your family.

3. You can use SPL to take leave in blocks separated by periods of work or take it all in one go.

4. You can also choose to be off work together or to stagger the leave and pay.

Eligibility

To be eligible for Shared Parental Leave (SPL) and Statutory Shared Parental Pay (ShPP), both parents must:

1. Share responsibility for the child at birth.

2. Meet work and pay criteria - these are different depending on which parent wants to use the shared parental leave and pay

If both parents want to share the SPL and ShPP

You and your partner must:

1. Have been employed continuously by the same employer for at least 26 weeks by the end of the 15th week before the due date (this is around the time you got pregnant).

2. Stay with the same employer while you take SPL.

3. Be ‘employees’ (not ‘workers’).

4. Each earn on average at least £116 a week.

If, as the mother’s partner, you want to take the SPL and ShPP

The mother must:

1. Have been working for at least 26 weeks (they do not need to be in a row) during the 66 weeks before the week the baby’s due.

2. Have earned at least £390 in total across any 13 of the 66 weeks.

You must:

1. Have been employed continuously by the same employer for at least 26 weeks by the end of the 15th week before the due date (this is around the time the mother got pregnant).

2. Stay with the same employer while you take SPL.

3. Be an ‘employee’ (not a ‘worker’).

4. Earn on average at least £116 a week.

Confused yet?

Use this calculator to check if you can get leave or pay when you have a child

When can you start?

You can only start Shared Parental Leave (SPL) or Shared Parental Pay (ShPP) once the child has been born or placed for adoption.

The mother (or the person getting adoption leave) must either:

1. Return to work, which ends any maternity or adoption leave

2. Give their employer ‘binding notice’ of the date when they plan to end their leave (you cannot normally change the date you give in binding notice)

You can start SPL while your partner is still on maternity or adoption leave as long as they’ve given binding notice to end it.

(You can give binding notice and say when you plan to take your SPL at the same time.)

Some more Inspiration…

https://www.theguardian.com/money/2018/dec/01/meet-the-couples-who-share-parental-leave-and-its-highs-and-lows

https://dadbloguk.com/shared-parental-leave-experience

The mental health cost of maternity leave

Women struggle with maternity leave, huge numbers of men want to be involved in raising their children and everyone’s mental health would benefit.

So why aren’t we talking more about Men’s flexible working?!

MENTAL HEALTH AND MATERNITY LEAVE

It’s estimated that 150,000 women a year struggle with maternity leave.

As James Millar, author of Dads Don’t Babysit describes in his blog post “That’s a mental health crisis by any standard.”

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-46221187

What can be a wonderful time is actually physically and emotionally draining - looking after babies is no work in the park, I know this, our daughter had quite nasty re-flux from birth. Fortunately for me it was under control by the time I took over at 6 months.

We need to talk about men

“The two of you sign up to bring life into the world together. Then, after two weeks, suddenly they are out the door, whether they want to or not, and you are left literally holding the baby.

For some couples, this moment, and the clear societal division of labour, can sow the seeds of resentment.”

Emma Barnett, Presenter, BBC Radio 5 live

Source - BBC

SOMETHING MUST CHANGE

We know Men want to spend more time with their young families but society and the workplace is conditioned to treat men as providers (and women as carers).

Men who seek to spend more time with their families are treated with suspicion and are seen as ‘not committed.’ In fact, rather than spending more time with their new families men end up working harder and longer.

Lack of good work-life balance causes massive amounts of stress and potential relationship breakdown.

IT’S TIME FOR MEN TO STAND UP AND BE COUNTED

Your partner’s well being and mental health matters.

Your well being and mental health matters.

✅ Decide how you really want to live your life.

✅ Understand what your family wants and needs.

✅ Assess your work life balance.

✅ Start the conversation about flexible working.

✅ If you are an expectant Dad find out about Shared Parental Leave.

✅ Challenge the lazy stereotypes of Dads who ‘can’t’ be great parents.

✅ Sign this petition to treat ‘expectant’ Dads in the same ways as Mums.

Ready to find out how to achieve the work life balance you need?

Grab out our Top tips guide, sign up to this blog or join us in Facebook

Guys, you aren't alone - your struggle is normal.

If you’re a dad and you’re struggling with your work life balance, it’s important to know that you can get help.

Life can be better!

Generally, society still tends to expect dad to be ‘provider’ and mum to be ‘carer’.

We talk about dads ‘babysitting’ when they are just being parents.

Mums will get asked “who will be looking after your children when you go back to work?”

But times are changing

New dads don’t necessarily want to spend their paternity leave checking their email before starting their new role of trying desperately to be home for bathtime and worrying about what they are missing out on.

They want to be there to share time with their families. Where possible, they want flexible working arrangements and they are finding out what mums have always known - it’s hard to have it all.

BTW… This isn’t a pop at you

I know some of you are reading this and it’s got your back up.

This bloke is having a pop at me.

I work hard to provide a great standard of living for my family, I make sure the time I spend with my family is quality time.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely not saying that you shouldn’t be at work earning a living to provide for your family.

Hell, someone needs to earn the money and if your work life set up works for you that’s awesome.

In fact drop me an email and share your story and inspire others.

Nah, i’m not talking to you.

To be fair I’m talking to the bloke who’s feeling the stress, the anxiety, the pressure of a work life balance that is failing him and his family.

It’s time to get it sorted.

Your problem is their problem

We run a private Facebook group called “How to be a Great Dad AND Have a Great Career”.

When guys like you want to join and get some support, one of the questions we ask is

What do you hope to get from being a member of this group?

✅ "Ideas for practical things I can do to achieve that balance between my career and being a co-parenting dad."

✅ "I would like to be able to share tips and advice with other dads have are feeling the same pressures in their day-to-day life that I am."

✅ "Insight and tips on work life balance."

✅ "Discuss how to get the work / life balance that I need...maybe get inspired to take my career in a more fulfilling direction."

✅ "To see potential work-life balance problems coming before they hit, learning from other dad’s who’ve been there and taking their advice preemptively."

✅ “Seeing how other Dad's have made a good deal of difference to their own happiness, as well as that of their kids.”

✅ “Learn how to have a better work live balance.”

If those sound like the type of thoughts you’ve got in your mind it’s time to join us.

Me time and the Work Life Balance struggle

Don’t forget ‘me’ time when you plan your work life balance

According to Google calendar it’s Day 30/44 of school holidays. This is my first year with both kids in school and now both not in school (argh!)

It’s definitely tricky to balance everything - work, time with kids and personal time for both parents.

But by being honest about what you need, you can as a couple, reduce your guilt and stay content.

The amount of time required for each part of your life can be very different and it’s changes over time.

My wife needs many more hours for work than I do for instance and with the children being older the stress or boredom definitely reduce. You can actually have proper fun together as a family. But you still need me time.

It’s particularly tough with young children, but if you can both be honest about what you need it gives you a chance to work out the how.

Understand what you both need to be happy.

It might be a painful conversation if what you thought was true isn’t true.

But the sooner you both understand and share these 3 key things, the better.

✅Who do you want to Be?

✅What do you want to Do?

✅What do you want to Have?

Consider this blog post from a young dad called Adam. As a Dad taking shared parental leave he talks about the benefits of time away from his little boy.

https://www.jeffersfamily.me/new-bl…/…/8/20/hangovers-babies

‘I love my time with him but it does also make me appreciate my time without him too. It was entirely different to when I was working full time. I missed him lots day to day as I wasn’t getting that full-time quality time. Now that I am, a day without him doesn’t feel as big of a deal’